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'things no one tells you when you have a baby’

(174 Posts)
JustCatMumAtTheMo Mon 12-Feb-18 10:23:45

Anything.. pregnancy/birth/once the babies here.. I've read some incredibly funny stories... let's hear yours?

Shadowboy Mon 12-Feb-18 10:29:44

That you probably won’t cry tears of joy. More tears of pain, frustration, tiredness and anger. All possibly within the first 4 weeks of being a parent.

milleniumhandandprawn Mon 12-Feb-18 10:33:00

That you might not love your baby straight away, and that’s ok, because once you’ve gotten over the physical side of birth a fierce and all consuming protective passion that’s so large it’s scary develops.

JohnLapsleyParlabane Mon 12-Feb-18 10:34:13

If you give birth vaginally your first wees will likely sting. Leaning forward on the loo can ease this. Some people recommend pouring water on yourself as you wee but that's a bit athletic for me!

milleniumhandandprawn Mon 12-Feb-18 10:35:13

Also bf babies don’t poo every day, or in both of my DCs cases even every week.
This is also OK.

when they do poo, it is an EVENT. And usually necessitated throwing away at least a vest maybe a gro too.

WinkyisbackontheButterBeer Mon 12-Feb-18 10:43:42

That they will shit in the bath and that you will probably catch it as it comes out to avoid too much mess. envy

JustCatMumAtTheMo Mon 12-Feb-18 10:46:06

Oh the joys.. 😂

demirose87 Mon 12-Feb-18 10:50:59

That sometimes they struggle to take their feeds between a mixture of colic and reflux if they have it, and you will become neurotic with how often they are feeding and how much they're taking.

harlaandgoddard Mon 12-Feb-18 10:58:42

That you can be in labour for days and get sent home repeatedly.

That you basically need to wear a makeshift nappy after giving birth.

That your baby can cry for hours for no reason.

Bobbiepin Mon 12-Feb-18 11:06:34

For a real life programme, one born every minute is highly inaccurate. I cried more watching other women hold their babies for the first time than i did holding my own and then thinking there was something wrong with me for not feeling all consuming unconditional love straight away.

Also breastfeeding may be "the most natural thing in the world" but it's difficult and it hurts for a while. I call bullshit to anyone who says "if you're doing it right it won't hurt". That's only true after a few weeks.

StylishMummy Mon 12-Feb-18 11:21:01

That your nipples get so long during the course of a breast feed that you look like an orangutan from a fucking Attenborough documentary

MrsBartlettforthewin Mon 12-Feb-18 11:25:59

That 'sleep when baby sleeps' is almost impossible if you ever want to eat a meal with two hands and whilst it is still hot.

ElenaBothari Mon 12-Feb-18 11:30:20

That the single most important skill you will develop as a parent is the ability to eat meals one handed.

scrivette Mon 12-Feb-18 11:37:43

Breastfeeding can hurt - even when there is nothing wrong!

You need to check your shoulder/back for baby sick before you go out!

Battleax Mon 12-Feb-18 11:39:55

Are you feeling anxious OP? Something about the brightness of your posts sounds a bit artificial.

Faintlinesquints Mon 12-Feb-18 11:44:26

That you will develop an instinct for putting out your hands to catch any vomit coming your way. Likewise with runny poo.

Bogeys won't bother you any more and you will find it satisfying picking them out of dcs nose while they sleep.

You will lose any rational thought you had before becoming a parent. Tiny things will worry you, you will lie awake just to make sure they are breathing, you will wonder if a small dose of the sniffles could actually be really serious and contemplate that it warrants being blue lighted to the hospital.

Worldsworstcook Mon 12-Feb-18 11:46:33

And you may well crap yourself on the labour bed - but your DH will deny it and the midwife will scoop it up and put it in the bin,

VanGoghsLeftEar Mon 12-Feb-18 11:47:07

Shall I mention the first poo I had postpartum? Painful and disgusting. I had a c-section. The midwife said it was normal. I freaked.

JustCatMumAtTheMo Mon 12-Feb-18 11:49:47

@Battleax I read an amusing article/blog post this morning. And was curious about others experiences.

I really don't know what you mean by artificial??


JustCatMumAtTheMo Mon 12-Feb-18 11:51:47

@VanGoghsLeftEar the blog post that made me think of starting this thread, was exactly about that! A very funny insight to early motherhood

user263781638 Mon 12-Feb-18 11:54:45

Tht you then have to then give birth to the placenta! Who new this? 🙈

BoredOnMatLeave Mon 12-Feb-18 12:01:56

Mine are mainly poo based.

Noone told me newborns poo can squirt out of them as your changing a nappy. Noone told me that they might not poo for days but be ok.

Noone told me I wouldn't poo for 10 days after and then feel like my vagina was falling out when I finally did.

On the flipside absolutely no one told me childbirth can be ok, and not always the horrific event everyone says it is.

happilyeverafta Mon 12-Feb-18 12:07:08

That you will never ever have TIME just lovely long lazy time to yourself to do NOTHING with....

I'm currently sat mainlining coffee & WiFi in Costa whilst DD is asleep just cause I can!

vilamoura2003 Mon 12-Feb-18 12:22:53

That you have heavy clotty bleeding for days afterwards - AND IT STINKS! The smell of the post birth bleeding will stay with me yuk and you have to wear big thick pads.

That on about day 4/5 your hormones are plummeting back down to normal and it can feel like the end of the world is happening. I remember crying on a young teenage nieces shoulder.

That pethidine (sp?) might be a wonder drug, but can also make you feel very sick.

That after the head comes out, the baby wriggles to turn round (well mine did!), and I remember feeling the wriggling sensation and shouting "get it out, get it out" sigh

owltrousers Mon 12-Feb-18 13:01:27

That your birthplan is unlikely to be what actually happens.

That you'll see about 10 different midwives throughout your labour.

That the wards you stay on after giving birth are -not nice- and you won't sleep a wink.

n.b. the midwives I encountered were amazing, its not their fault the nhs is buggered.

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