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Anxiety about having another baby

(15 Posts)
Mummy2lots Sat 10-Feb-18 13:14:31

Me and my partner would like another baby. Our circumstances are right for us... my main concern is if I can do this whole new born, sleepless nights, exhausted all day, all over again, I coped very badly last time and I had my parents there, they now live in Crete and I’ll only have the odd bit of help off partners parents (70+yrs) is it normal to want a baby but be so completely scared to have to do it all over again? My son is 4 so will be in school sept 18 and so he is pretty self sufficient, he’s a great child, easy... most the time. I know if I do have one I’ll get through it, we all do, we have to, I’m worndering if it should even do it or not if I have this worry.

Jodie567 Sat 10-Feb-18 21:03:05

Feeling that exact same but my daughter is 1! I love love my daughter but the first three weeks of having her where so so difficult... We desperately want anothet baby but I'm so petrified of that stage! I'm glad it isn't only me for a while I was question weather maybe I wasn't ready for number 2!
My partner things its a wonderful idea but he doesn't t understand fully as he is at work 50 hours a week!

Mummy2lots Sat 10-Feb-18 21:10:11

I wish it was just the first few weeks... I struggled for months. But I was younge, first children are always hard as it’s such a shock to the system. I’m glad I’m not the only one feeling like this.

Jodie567 Sat 10-Feb-18 21:18:12

I'm wondering if my gap between then would be too small... But I worry that ill past the baby stage and not want to give up the sleep and time again! As horrible as it sounds! Oh maybe I was lucky... I mean she didn't sleep properly for a good three-four months but the first three weeks I was so weak and tried I never thought it would end, what does your dp think?

Mummy2lots Sat 10-Feb-18 21:36:45

My son is 4 so I’m well out of the baby stage and enjoying 7.30-8am lie ins as well as an easy life (by easy I mean I can clean my house without stopping to feed or calm a tantrum) so that’s what my worry is, going back and really starting again. My son didn’t sleep through till he was 14months and didn’t sleep in past 5.30 till he was 3!! I clearly went wrong somewhere haha. I felt weak for years! My partner would have more no issues, he’s completely unflappable, patient... everything I’m not! That’s what worries me, I stay home all day and worry he goes to work and comes back as the god, Mr patient... etc... I’m assuming your partner feels the same? Working so doesn’t get the full force of parenthood.

Jodie567 Sat 10-Feb-18 22:03:18

Yes that's my partner down to the ground! Super chilled and worries over nothing, I envy him for that so much! He would love us to have another and for then to be close but I'm not sure if they would be too close, on the flip side once I'm out of the 4 hourly feeding I'm not sure I'd like to go back to it! I really understand where you are coming from. Admititly my daughter sleeps from 8-7:30 so I know I'm super lucky but again what if our second would not sleep so well... There is so much on us as a mum and it makes the decision so difficult. I keep arguing with myself on what to do...

BootsAndCatsAndBootsAndCats Sat 10-Feb-18 22:06:26

This is me too. Dd is almost 2 and for various reasons it makes sense to ttc #2 now but I'm terrified. We've been going round in circles for ages because I had pnd and found the early months incredibly difficult. Don't know how I'd cope with a newborn and a toddler!

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore Sat 10-Feb-18 22:19:46

I felt this way before ttc dc2. Dc2 is now almost a week old and I am overwhelmed with worry about whether I will cope. It's a horrible feeling. I am thrilled to have her, love her to pieces and yet am spending most of every day having flashbacks to the trauma that was my first maternity leave. sad

Jodie567 Sat 10-Feb-18 22:31:56

That's what I found myself doing round in circles... Will I ever be brave enough to ttc or will this go on for ever!
Oh bless you hopefully the worry will get less the more time passes and you'll find your feet I'm sure!
Such a massive change/decision!
Good luck and I hope all works out for everyone

MummaGiles Sat 10-Feb-18 22:36:19

So glad to know I’m not the only person who feels like this! DS is recently 3 and I am starting to feel pangs of desire to have a second (which i didn’t expect). But I don’t know if I can cope with the baby stage again, or if I want to upset our nicely balanced family life. Things are just starting to get easier, and I hated maternity leave.

tootiredtospeak Sat 10-Feb-18 22:42:36

It will still be hard when isnt briken sleep hard but as it is your second you wont be filled with anywhere as much self doubt. Youll know how to feed when to try and settle and youll not question everything. That said I have a 5 yr old and a 1 yr old and there is twice as much to do. Two baths bedtime routines etc etc still wouldnt swap it for the world.

winterwonderly Sun 11-Feb-18 08:04:42

I've found that in some ways it hasn't been as hard the second time round. You're more relaxed about things and there isn't that sense of being completely overwhelmed with everything that I had the first time. Don't get me wrong, it's tough, but for me that's mainly because I also have a toddler to look after (13 month age gap confused) so have little opportunity to sleep when the baby takes a lovely big long nap. I think back to the days when I only had one baby and really wonder how I found it so difficult with one!!

We're 3 months in now and the last 3 months have gone in a bit of a blur. But now the new baby is sleeping better (I probably shouldn't have said that) and things are getting a little easier. I'm like 99% certain we're stopping at 2, so there's a real sense of relief that I won't be pregnant again (loved my first pregnancy, had an awful second pregnancy), have to give birth again, or go through the rough first few months again with a newborn. Please shoot me if I'm posting on here in a year or two's time about my 3rd pregnancy. I feel like those stages are behind us and we can now focus on these 2 lovely kids and what the future brings with them.

I don't even think my ramblings make much sense, my excuse is that I'm recovering from the dreaded lurgy, but it sort of makes sense in my head.

WildCherryBlossom Sun 11-Feb-18 09:08:39

My second was sooo much easier than my first. A far better sleeper, and I was more confident. They are very close friends now and entertain each other loads.

Mummy2lots Sun 11-Feb-18 09:30:27

I had pnd too with my son so the thought it could happen again and make the already difficult situation even harder is a big worry.

Jodie567 Sun 11-Feb-18 13:48:11

We certain that we want number 2... I guess my biggest fear is getting the age gap right.
We have decided that we will ttc within a year as my partner feels he is starting to get too old, aged 40🙄 I'm so happy that it's on cards but how long to wait!

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