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Just need to vent after consultant appointment

(20 Posts)
JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff Thu 08-Feb-18 18:18:46

I am 33+5 with dcda twins, one of whom is measuring on the small side, so extra appts and scans. They are keeping a close eye on the babies and I am grateful.

But...... I have a history of SA including a nasty little episode with a paediatrician when I was a tween. I have massive anxiety over any type of gynae or intimate procedure. Going into hospital is really hard for me and I have tried so hard to be responsible and do everything to calm down. This includes a carefully researched birth plan with ideal delivery - what I can tolerate if stuff goes wrong - and in an emergency. It's been signed off by my usual consultant, two midwife leads, and my very experienced community MW. They all say it is sensible and flexible.

Today I had an appt with a different cons and she just wasn't having any of it. Oooh no, you'll have to have 7-8 people at least observing the birth.... oooh no they can't wait outside, we like to have them watch.... and on and on.

I just feel like I go back to square one every time and need to argue from scratch. I am terrified of going in during labour and encountering a massive room of people who won't budge and don't if I consent. I don't feel safe.

Sorry this is a right whinge but I feel like they just. Don't. Listen. Or give a shit about my mental health. Argh!

Ihatemarmite123 Fri 09-Feb-18 10:28:52

Why are there 7-8 people in the room? Are they students? If so and you say no then that's it, they're out!

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff Fri 09-Feb-18 10:33:01

Hi, thanks Marmite. No they are midwives plus an obstetrician in case one of the babies turns breech and a neonatal doc or two.

I completely understand having these people on call, maybe even right outside the door but why do they have to watch?

Anyhow it is more that senior ppl at the hospital agreed one thing and now it seems that doesn't count..... argh!

Ihatemarmite123 Fri 09-Feb-18 23:25:33

I had a high risk pregnancy and knew I was giving birth to a very poorly baby. Neo-natal team were in the room but I hardly noticed them. They came in and set up ready for baby and then left until baby was on his way out. They were very quiet, i hardly noticed they were there tbh.

I was told before there would be lots of people in the room and it freaked me out. But the reality was actually a much calmer environment and not intrusive at all. Chances are they won't be hanging around in there for long. They can wait outside the door and be called in if required. They won't all stand there staring at your bits

idontlikealdi Fri 09-Feb-18 23:29:42

Unfortunately with twins you are high risk even if it’s easy. They need extra people in the room for the just in case scenarios. Your second twin may not turn, the first may be in distress, they need to be there. For your sake.

Can you speak to the team to find out exactly what they’ll have to be prepared?

ArnoldBee Fri 09-Feb-18 23:33:03

Do you get a team for each twin so you end up with double the amount of people in there?

Snowydaysarehere Fri 09-Feb-18 23:38:53

I assume they won't have a telescope at your fanjo so honestly once you start really focusing on labour you won't care who is there.

mamas12 Fri 09-Feb-18 23:39:34

Right I understand this
No it is not ok for people to watch! Even if they are medics it is your body and they need your permission
They need to help you here , the compromise I would agree to would be this
Only have who you want by your bed with curtains around, you can have those ones on wheels and the neonatal people set up in another part of the room with the incubators
Or turn the bed around and position the incubators and peads people at the head end of your bed
This is just adding unnesseccary stress and quite frankly cruel.
Your needs are paramount
Of course the babies need attention when they are born but how many time have you heard on this board that giving birth is nit a spectator sport
Get your other half on board and ready to fight your corner

katycb Fri 09-Feb-18 23:47:13

Hi I have mcda twins who are now four. I know exactly where I are coming from but I honestly did not notice the 10 people who were in the room when. Had them (it was 8 + 2 students that I agreed to) the only real ones who wer hands on so to speak were the consultant and then the 2 midwifes who took one each. The neonatal team kept a low profile and gave them a once over when born- my first twin didn't need any help other than a heated for so they left the other was fine but needed a bit more help. Then I had skin to skin with them both and everyone left except the mw. It seems like a lot of people but honestly it was nowhere near as bad as it sounds. Most people were nowhere near the business end!! If you are worried I'd maybe ask about a curtain good luck

idontlikealdi Fri 09-Feb-18 23:47:19

@ArnoldBee yes you get a full team for each twin, which makes it busy to say the least!

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff Sat 10-Feb-18 08:58:52

I hear what people are saying but why did they agree different then? Like I said, I did a birth plan at week 20 so I could get my head around the whole thing in advance. They agreed it. I am 34w today so the birth could be any time, and suddenly it's all a problem.

I mean, what the actual fuck was the point of meeting with the hospital's most senior MW, and the labour ward co ordinator, and my consultant, and telling them about the frankly humiliating details of SA, and agreeing a way forward with them, when they are just abandoning it at the last minute?

And yes they do mean in the room. I asked. Watching. How on earth can I labour effectively if I feel under threat?

I know I'm ranting and I'm sorry but I have been unable to sleep more than about 3h a night since the appt worrying about it.

AppleKatie Sat 10-Feb-18 09:04:17

OP people on here saying ‘you have to..’ or even recounting stories of what happened with them isn’t helpful.

Nobody here has as much knowledge as the people you have already seen at the hospital. The consultant you saw today shouldn’t have been ripping up the birth plan already made with other senior staff unless the medical situation has changed.

And if it has changed that should have been explained clearly to you.

Do go back and ask for an appointment with either the Consultant MW (or supervisor of MWs) or your original consultant to get this sorted out properly.

I’m sorry you feel like this flowers

mamas12 Sat 10-Feb-18 09:04:21

Go back to the senior midwife and insist on an emergency meeting
There are definitely measures in place for survivors of SA and they must be implemented
This is too stressful
Phone them or email them today and Monday and take with you your agreed plan
You don't have to have that particular consultant either you can have a more sympathetic one who knows the score.
Please get your other half on board to help you articulate in this meeting as it's better to do this now than when you're in labour

LS83 Sat 10-Feb-18 09:16:10

Hi,

Just because you've been seen by a different consultant doesn't mean their opinion overrides everything. It's very annoying, as a midwife, that lots of them sing from different hymn sheets. What's written in your notes by your given cons and everyone you've seen? When you go into hospital, there will be a consultant on call that will be covering that shift. They need to respect your wishes. Yes, twins need more hands on deck and we double the amount of midwives and paeds like to be there but this isn't a spectator sport and you have the autonomy and right to ask whoever is on shift to look at your notes and respect your wishes.

Batterseapark Sat 10-Feb-18 09:26:28

Agree with LS83, what has been agreed has been agreed. Be ready (and your birth partner particularly) to stand your ground until you're in the room and everyone is following what has been agreed. If anyone questions it until then, say/state This is what has been agreed and then say nothing at all. If they won't let it go, simply tell refer them to the person who's approved your birth plan.
Good luck

Gunpowder Sat 10-Feb-18 09:31:05

I would imagine your birth preferences as discussed with your named consultant and the consultant midwife would override anything else. When I had my twins I only had two MWs and DH in the room. There were doctors and paeds nearby watching the monitoring remotely/just in case and I’d agreed they could attend if necessary but everything was straightforward so they just left us to it.

Do you have email addresses for anyone? I’d email reiterating your preferences and saying you were worried that if a different consultant was working these might be ignored. My preferences were very much flagged up in case my sympathetic named consultant wasn’t working when I went into labour.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff Sat 10-Feb-18 17:26:09

Gunpowder yes that is what they said would happen in non-emergency. 2 MW and my birth partner. Other people only coming in if situation goes south.

LS83 that is helpful to hear. I have emailed my MW and she says she will send an email around the dept indicating that I have a non-standard birth plan agreed.

For me this is a real safety issue. The labour isn't going to progress if I'm having an anxiety attack and my BP is through the roof. It is not safe. I have given birth before so I know how it feels. I just cannot do it with 8 people milling about.

Anyhow thanks everyone for responding. I have been working so so hard to keep the panic under control when at hospital and after months of hypnobirthing every day and planning carefully I thought I okay. Now I just don't know. I have to get back to a better headspace before the birth but it is hard when I cannot sleep and just feel teary all the time.

Argh!!!

Jodie567 Sat 10-Feb-18 19:50:41

I understand what your saying but when the time comes there will be the necessary people their for your babies sake whether that it 2 people or 200 as long as your babies are checked over that's the main thing!
My sister struggles with SA but once she focused on meeting her baby she totally calmed down. Birth is not as wonderful as people make out but try not to focus on that too much and just focus on the two wonderful babies that will be at the end of a stressful experience!

My consultant changed two week prior to me having my daughter and it throw me totally as there ideas for my birth plan where totally different to the first but I stuck to my guns and ended up being fine.
Try and enjoy this as much as you can becuase you'll look back and wonder why you was so worried.
Good luck hopefully it's as smooth sailing as possible for you!

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff Sat 10-Feb-18 20:32:57

Jodie..... I appreciate your kindness in posting but... are you actually saying your sister forgot about being raped because she'd had a baby?

It may be I'm just really weak or screwed up mentally but no, this is not just going to go away. I have lived with this for over 20 years and I am not a first time mum. I am really scared of reliving being raped during the birth and having a total breakdown. I am not enjoying this, I am trying to avoid self harming or worse.

I'm going to hide the thread now because I'm finding some bits distressing. Thank you to everyone who took time to post even if you don't get where I'm coming from. flowers

Jodie567 Sat 10-Feb-18 20:52:48

I'm ever so sorry I think you totally misunderstood what I'm trying to say.
No of course not of course her pain didn't go away of course it didn't make anything better but my point was simply that a baby is the most wonderful achievement and that her mind set changed to focus on that.

Not at all am I saying or implying you are weak in fact you very much the opposite to even to so honest with tory midwives. I don't know you situation but I knew how distressing it was to watch my sister as her birth came closer let alone to be her.

I wish you all the luck in the world with your birth and with your babies but I was simply trying to give you an experience of a similar situation to one in which you are in.

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