Wedding four weeks after due date?(33 Posts)
Am I likely to be able to attend?! Very close friend. I am in the bridal party. This is my first baby so I have no idea.
I went to my dads wedding when DD was 10 days old but I wasn't in the bridal party.
She was my 3rd, I was fairly certain the birth, breastfeeding and my body would be fine and my dad put no pressure on us whatsoever.
Is it your 1st baby?
Depends on the baby and it he/she arrives early, late on time, etc but I think it sounds mental tbh! Is the wedding local to you or does it involve traveling?
It involves travelling. First baby. This might be academic anyway as I’m not sure if she’ll let me baby and doubt I’d be able to go if she didn’t let me bring baby.
First babies are generally a week or two late. You will be in no fit state two weeks post partum to be travelling far or trying to look nice for bridal party photos.
Tell your friend there's a good chance you won't be able to come so you'll need to be a regular guest to avoid her wasting money on dresses etc and ask whether she would prefer you to say you can't come now or risk it nearer the time.
If I was paying per head I'd have preferred a no in advance, but our wedding was a buffet so we let our friends who were expecting just decide nearer the time.
How far do you need to travel?
Can you stay at home or will it involve a hotel?
Babies are more portable when they are tiny. I have to say I found the early weeks quite easy, they just lie there really, and need feeding changing. However, all babies are different, and all births are different. You could deliver late, and feel quite shit afterwards. Or have a relatively straightforward birth and feel ok by then.
Your undercarriage tends to feel pretty smashed up but is on the mend after 4 weeks, hopefully got a hang of feeding, and getting him or her latched on without too much trouble. Bleeding should have stopped by then, from memory that was about 2 weeks. It's heavy and I found that unpleasant, not usually a sanitary towel user.
If it's local, I'd say you'll attend, but be prepared to go for the afternoon and duck out early, or maybe not go at all.
Are you a bridesmaid? I'd suggest backing out of being part of the bridal party. Then there is no pressure if you need to disappear for a bit to sit in another room to feed, or take baby for a stroll to get them off to sleep etc. Plus you can choose what to wear, you don't want to be tied to some pastel dress that you can't feed from, doesn't fit etc.
There are so many factors at play, it's impossible to say. In my case, I would have been 5 weeks post emcs and whilst I would have been physically capable, I wouldn't have been the best company ever as I was a weepy mess.
I think attending is one thing, being in the bridal party might be a step too far especially if your baby isn't invited.
Say no now to being in the bridal party. That's too much.
But if your birth is relatively straight forward then there's no reason why you can't be at the wedding, even if your baby is born after your due date.
I would check out if there is somewhere quiet you can go to feed or if it all gets a bit much maybe. I was at a friend's wedding with a 4 week old and her parents kindly gave me the key to their bedroom in the reception venue if we needed some time out.
But if your friend doesn't let you bring your baby then there's no way I would go.
My first born was 10 days overdue and I took her to a wedding 2 wks later. I wasn't part of the wedding party and the wedding was very local to us but I'd have to say it was a nightmare. I was still bleeding heavily, trying to establish breastfeeding, leaky boobs, nothing would fit me clothes wise... only stayed for an hour or 2 of the reception & really I should have been in bed. Not fun.
It’s impossible to say!
You could be early, you could be late. It could be an easy birth and you could feel fine after a week or two. It could be a difficult birth and you may be feeling delicate for a good few weeks.
Whatever happens, I doubt you’ll want to be away from your newborn for any length of time so the baby will have to come with u.
I’d be inclined to say no, especially if it’s not local. But say you’ll try. Not an ideal answer for a wedding but you and the baby come first in this situation.
When I got married two of my cousins brought their 10 and 15 day old babies. These were not first babies for either of them. The both regretted it.
As others say it depends. Baby might be late. You might be recovering from a caesarian. There might be other complications.
Even if on time and straight forward birth, you'll still be recovering physically. You may not mentally feel up to it (I know I wouldn't have been). If you are breastfeeding this'll also make it harder.
If you're having a dress fitted how do you know what size you'll actually be?
Problem is you won't know if it's possible until the time, because of all the variables.
I made the mistake of going to a close friends wedding 6 weeks after DS was born (strict no children event).
My parents were happy to look after DS for the day and I knew they would look after him (I'd declined the evening event as I knew I didn't want to be away for that long).
However, I was just bloody miserable. I must have phoned my parents 20 times to check everything was ok.
My breasts were sore and achy and as the day went on started to leak - to the point I had to spend an hour in the toilets expressing (despite have done so before I'd gone to leave loads of milk with DPs).
I spent the whole day wanting to go home and did so at the earliest opportunity that could not be considered rude.
Would it have been better taking DS? - probably yes it would, but it still wouldn't have been great. I'd have spent a lot of time out of the wedding feeding DS and probably getting stressed about people wanting to hold him etc
At that time I think most of us are still very much in the mother/baby cocoon and trying to establish a good routine.
If I'd been part of the bridal party I think I'd have had a meltdown.
Thanks for your replies. I am really worried about telling my friend as I know she’ll be disappointed. She’s lovely but she doesn’t have kids so probably won’t understand (I definitely don’t even understand myself what I will feel like). She’s already bought the dress. I guess I’ll have to offer to pay her for it? I am also worried about being pressured by others (who also won’t understand, e.g. DH) to go xx
She doesn't have to have given birth to a child herself to have an appreciation of the fact that you may be physically and emotionally not best placed to attend her wedding that soon after giving birth.
If she doesn't understand she's a bit of a selfish cow. Don't chalk it up to being childless. Plenty of childless people would understand.
As for other people pressuring you - just grow a backbone. It can be the first of many stands you take in your and your child's best interests.
How much traveling? A newborn shouldn't be in a carseat for longer than 30 minutes at a time so could take a while. I probably could have done it but I wouldn't have enjoyed it at all. The early weeks should be about recovery and cuddling your new baby. Put your family first.
I was a bridesmaid 2 weeks after giving birth - the actual wedding day was great, felt fine etc. but the stress of not knowing if it would be ok/ if I’d fit into my dress/ would baby be late/ would I need a c section etc was not good!
4 weeks after my first baby's due date, I had a 2 week old who wouldn't latch, had only been out of hospital 4 days, and was sleeping in 45 minute increments. I was recovering from a minor haemorrhage and had v low iron. There's NO WAY I could have considered a wedding. 4 weeks after DC2's due date, I had a 3 week old who was feeding well and taking a bottle a day, and was more or less fine. I was too tired to enjoy a wedding, but it wouldn't have been the hellish ordeal it would have been with DC1. Not a chance in hell that I'd have left either of them for a day at that age, though. Especially with DC1, I started getting genuinely panicky after about 45 minutes away from him at that age.
I completely get that you don’t want to let your friend down but you do have to put yourself and your baby first!
I had a BM due 3 weeks before our wedding, and even though I had bought her dress, and committed to paying for her bouquet and hair, I made it clear to her that if she had a difficult birth and did not feel up to coming then I would miss her but I would totally understand. I would hope your friend would do the same. It would be nice to offer to pay her for the dress if this happens, assuming she bought it at a time when you led her to believe you were going. I would have refused payment if my BM hadn’t been able to come but I would have appreciated the offer.
My BM brought her baby who was gorgeous but it did affect the bridal party dynamic a bit and we had to work round baby’s unpredictable needs and demands. I wouldn’t judge your friend too harshly if she says no baby. Wouldn’t be my decision but I can understand it. That said, she needs to understand you can’t possibly attend without him or her. I didn’t have kids and basic empathy told me that!
It’s a shame all round if you can’t go but on that day, your priority must be you and your baby. Equally, it’s a massive day for her and her priority is her wedding. Nothing wrong with either of those two things, and there should be no need to fall out whatever happens.
Good luck with your baby
Are you planning to breast feed? Baby will probs be 7-12 days late, and at 2 weeks you’ll be feeding it every two or three hours including through the night, possibly cluster feeding (it feeding continuously for a few hours). Two weeks after birth you will not feel up to much and will not be able to be away from baby for more than a few minutes!
Yeah I went to best friends wedding when my first was 9 days old. On my own as husband was away working and it was a 90 mile round trip . I left though to drive home after first dance. It was fine, I was BF so didn’t need to worry about feeding etc. I had a very easy straight forward birth I’d say it all depends how the birth goes.
If you have a helpful +1 and a sling you may be fine. Most newborns will happily sleep for hours snuggled into your chest.
But as others say all babies and births are different and you may simply not feel up to it.
I would manage your friend's expectations by saying you will try your best.
I had elcs with both of my dc's and would have felt physically and emotionally fine to attend a wedding after 4 weeks, after my first I even snapped back and would have fit into a pre pregnancy outfit. I ff as well so no problems with feeding. But would I have wanted to attend a wedding? No. And especially not as part of the bridal party. I spent my days taking my dc out for a walk, maybe a trip to the shops and then snuggling them and getting into a bath/ time for sleep routine and knowing if they were upset or overtired I could just do what I wanted. I'd have been horribly stressed at the thought of being far from home and not being able to go with what I wanted to do for them, even if it all turned out really well and they slept all day I wouldn't have been able to relax.
Thanks ladies. I feel terrible about this. I hope she understands. I truly love my friend and want to be there for her but I don’t think I am going to be up to going. Travel is within same country but far (4 hours driving probably). I will offer to pay for dress if it can’t be returned.
I’d rule it out on the 4 hours driving alone! That will be at least 8 with a few week old Baby who can only be in a car seat 30 mins at a time.
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