Traumatic delivery -ruptured placenta

[Copperbeaches]

Hi
I gave birth a week ago but in rather traumatic way and struggling to deal with it, recover and now look after DS .
Was wondering if how others have come to terms with similar events
At 40+4 I went for a growth scan in morning and then waited for ages to see consultant all was fine at this point and had a sweep Midwife said likely to happen so
So later afternoon I was cleaning the bathroom when got one massive contraction I thought it would be fine and just the start then I stated to bleed out loads I called hospital and said to come in. On way the contractio still not stopped for 20 min I thought my waters had broken. On arrival I was taken to toilet to check waters and was coverd in blood and clots. Suddenly I was surrounded by medical team wheeled into surgery .put straight under GA all I could hear was no time for consent, blood transfusion, etc. They were being very reassuring when putting me under but had no idea what was going on
About 4 hours later fully out of I had a baby put on to me. I had no idea what was going on. I was in and out of it for hours, hullicanting ,I had a fever and no idea how this baby had just appeared
I was told my placenta fully ruptured and had to have GAEC that I was very lucky to have DS and that it's so rare and survival rate is very low
. I spend next 4 days in hospitsl v ill but also expected to look after a baby.
I was in pain confused lost and generally a mess. Any new Midwife or docter were v surprised about whst happened as so rare and no reason for it in my case
Any way I'm now finally home and can't cope or stop crying thinking what if and that I can't do it I can't be a mum . It hurts to look after him. Im petrified of when DH goes back to work, I don't want to be alone to look after him, I can't look after myself
Im just very lost of what to do and can't see anythung improving
Sorry to go on been needing to write it all out .

[Belleende]

Jesus copperbeaches it is no suprise that you don't know which way is up. Having a baby is hugely disorienting even in the best of circumstances, in your case the fact that you are compus mentus enough to write your post suggests you are doing ok.

You need support, practical and professional. First, can your husband take some unpaid leave to extend his paternity leave and/or can your mum/sister/best mate come to stay.

Second, talk to your Midwife and health visitor. Tell them how you are feeling. They should help you access the services you need.

Once you have gotten through these first few crazy weeks and months you might want a birth debrief with the hospital. When you are ready, contact the maternity unit and ask for one.

I don't know exactly what is in store for you, but I can say when you get the help and support you need, things will get easier.

All the best, hang in there

[Copperbeaches]

Thank you
Yes my husband is taking an extra week off so will be around for 2 more weeks and my mum is coming up every few days when she can. But I'm rubbish at actually saying I can't do it or how much I just need to rest.
It's the nights that are physically hard to keep getting up to feed or comfort as he sleeps alot in day but hardly at night ,we are doing half the night each whilst other sleeps so feel can't wake him for help as he is also dealing with it all.
The days are emotionally harder. I am being kept with the midwife team a bit longer and have apt on Thurs which seems ages away but will definitely talk and seek further help.
Will also do the birth debrief which I def need.
Just worried it all wont make much difference as definitely don't feel cut out to be a full time mum and this has made it harder.
Hopefully will get help I need and things will improve.

[Belleende]

You are dealing with so much right now. It might feel neverending, but things will get easier pretty quickly (it just won't feel like it at the time).
Your little one doesn't know night from day now, but that should start fixing itself pretty soon. Then your lo will go longer between feeds and you will get a bit more time to yourself and physically you will be more healed.

Then around 8 weeks you should get the first smile and that little glimmer of recognition can be a game changer.

No one can assess their parenting capabilities at the new born stage. Some people love it, and bond with their babies v quickly. Some find it boring and unrewarding. Both types make fantastic parents. This is an ultra marathon not a sprint and you are barely off the starting line.

Keep talking about how you feel, accept any and all offers of help and ask for more if you need it. People like to help, just let them. And sleep every opportunity you have.

[Belleende]

How are you doing this morning copper beaches? Did you manage to get some sleep?
If you are physically up to it, maybe try and get out for a walk today. A change of scenery can be a huge help. Having a new born can feel really claustrophobic, getting out and about really helps.

[Copperbeaches]

Hi
We did manage to get some sleep he did almost 3 hours and then same again.
I agree I need to get out I have a friend over today so will definitely try to get out even if just down the road. Prob take him out tomo but need help with pram etc as on first floor flat and can't carry it .
Will definitely keep talking about feelings and try to get more comfortable while OH is around so when at work I may be able to do more.
Thank you for your kind and encouraging words

[Batterseapark]

Hi OP, I'm so sorry about what's happened. What a shock. No wonder you're feeling unwell. Agree with Belleende, this is an all hands on deck situation. Anyone can come and help? Friends, colleagues, neighbours?

A week in you may also be experiencing the baby blues. It might mean that the floods of tears should recede soon.

Things will improve but you're in the eye of the storm right now (and newborns don't sleep for a while).

Tell GP and HV exactly how you feel. For peer support, you can get in touch with the Birth trauma association. There will be women there who will have experienced similar births or near enough.

I totally understand you're feeling under and that's why others need to step in. You're not a bad mum I promise, you're just facing a mountain. In time it will get better.
Hug 💛

[Timeforanamochango]

I had a similar delivery with my first in that it ended in all hands on deck emergency, GA, transfusions and we were both quite poorly as a result. I remember feeling awful and not understanding why they had expected me to look after a baby when I felt like I couldn’t look after myself, the fact I didn’t see her straight away also made me question if she was mine and I felt it affected the bonding. Waking up to a baby being placed on you is the most surreal thing and it’s damaging. Physically - You will start to feel better soon. Stay on top of your pain medication and take it easy, don’t do things because you feel better because you’ll pay for it the next day. WHen you’ve had a c section under GA it’s completely different to having it under spinal/epi as you’ve had no localised pain relief and it really intensifies the pain your feeling.

Mentally, it might be worth speaking to your GP as I had PTSD from mine and once I got help it was a lot better, did you have a debrief in hospital of what happened? If not, request one. It’s early days, it’s always difficult at first

[Belleende]

How was today copperbeaches? I hope the bit of sleep has helped. Did you manage to get out. The first time always feels like such a mission. Gone are the days when you can skip out of the house in 30s with nothing but your wallet and keys. I still haven't cracked it.

It sounds like s great idea for you to have a go at doing as much as possible whilst your husband is on leave, it will really help build your confidence.

Is there anywhere downstairs you could store the pram, even just for a few weeks. If you ask nicely your neighbors might be accommodating, it would really helping getting out and about.

[Copperbeaches]

Timeforanamochango sorry to hear you had a similar experience . Can definitely relate to the experience. I didn't even think about the difference in pain meds makes sense now why my OH was not happy as J was left for over hour after without anything more than normal painkillers as was a change over in shift.
Decided today going to call Midwife earlier to get apt before Thurs as Def feeling worse. Good to hear getting help made it better for you I'm hoping will do so as well.
How long was it till you start to improve?
Had a few min debrief was not helpful but will go back for a fuller one as soon as can

[Copperbeaches]

Bellende a friend came over for the day so we went to lunch for a bit. Got nervous after a short while but small steps!
Would ask neighbour but we in masionette so no communal area.
Going to take DS for a short walk tomorrow hopefully will go OK!!!

[Copperbeaches]

Battersespark thank you for the encouraging words
I'm Def experiences the baby blues and think edging towards PND or PTSD but am talking about it alot and my mum is stepping in to help out.
Will definitely look into birth Truma associstion .

[TheMildManneredMilitant]

Oh bless you op. You are not a bad mum, you are just trying to deal with a horrendous combination of events. I've been in a situation where my life was threatened before (not childbirth) and it left me feeling extremely vulnerable. I've also had a ga before (not major surgery) and was so surprised at how physically wrecked I felt for a good couple of weeks. And I've also had the shock of childbirth, feeling totally overwhelmed. On their own these were all difficult so I can't imagine what it's like coping with all three at once.
That said, while it's totally normal to feel like this, if you find that you are feeling awful all day, every day then speak to your midwife honestly as it should be a huge red flag and you should get some help.

[Batterseapark]

@Copperbeaches PMed you

[Copperbeaches]

TheMildManneredMilitant thank you for reply I thought I posted back but seems not to have worked so will try again!!
It's very odd that if you normally have a big surgery or a traumatic event you get bed rest and tine to recover but instead I have a newborn who suddenly appeared to look after. It's so hard to deal with
I can't be on own with him on own for long and not wanting to leave house either.
Have midwife Thurs but we decided to get a emergency gp apt Tomo as won't make it to thurs withiut some help feel like losing control .
Hopefully they will help

[Copperbeaches]

TheMildManneredMilitant thank you for reply I thought I posted back but seems not to have worked so will try again!!
It's very odd that if you normally have a big surgery or a traumatic event you get bed rest and tine to recover but instead I have a newborn who suddenly appeared to look after. It's so hard to deal with
I can't be on own with him on own for long and not wanting to leave house either.
Have midwife Thurs but we decided to get a emergency gp apt Tomo as won't make it to thurs withiut some help feel like losing control .
Hopefully they will help

[TryToRelax]

OP - just wanted to second what others are saying: I think you are coping amazingly in really really tough circumstances. I had a traumatic birth in a different way (baby unexpectedly whisked to NICU straight away), and the shock took a long time for me to recover from even without any additional physical complications. Counselling helped, as did masses of support from family.

Very glad you are going to GP tomorrow - please tell them how you really feel, being honest is much “stronger” than just struggling on through.

[Copperbeaches]

Thank guys
Went to gp was very honest. She has refered me to the paranatal psychratric team who should be coming round in next few days. So hopefully can create a plan etc.
Tho on a plus we took the LO out for a walk for the first time !

[Belleende]

That is fantastic.from what I know peri natal mental health services remain very good in this country, that you are willing and able to ask for help is so important. You are doing the very best for you and your baby. And well done on getting out.

[Batterseapark]

That's great! I'm glad you've got support. Perinatal mental health services were very good for me so I hope you experience the same level of care. It takes time but things slowly change. Take care.

[OuchBollocks]

Bloody hell OP what a trauma :( I'm glad you're getting some help.

On an aside do you have a sling/wrap/baby carrier? I had DS by CS and was only just mobile after a broken leg, I couldn't have managed a pram and crutches/frame so I got a 2nd hand close caboo for £20. You could practise in small bursts around the house and maybe build up to a short trip outside without needing to wrestle the pram downstairs? The wrap should be above your bellybutton, miles above your wound. Sorry if this is a shit useless post. You sound like you're coping incredibly well under horrific circumstances.

[Copperbeaches]

A sling is a great idea I thought would be too low on wound but will give it a go will def make a short walk easier. Stupid question tho how do you keep them earn enough in sling outside as it's a bit cold at moment!?
Must have been extremely hard for you to get around then.

[Belleende]

If you can get your hands on a snow suit, that, a vest and a onesie your lo will be toastie. I have a baby Bjorn, picked it up 2nd hand from a local FB selling site. It also carries high up.

[Batterseapark]

There might be a sling library near where you live. If so, they'll help you find the sling that's best for you. Have a look on your local mums' Facebook group. 😊

[Copperbeaches]

hi all
Been hetic week lots of ups and downs
Had a few better days then slumped back down but OK a bit today . LO started to cry alot in day now which Im finding hard
Massive rollercoaster!!!
Finally worked out the sling I have but seems a bit big and low will keep at it but will def go to the local sling library as def easier to do stuff when he is in it.