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Worried about being alone whilst in labour

(20 Posts)
Lou94x Fri 24-Nov-17 23:09:34

Hi ladies, my partner and I are actively trying to conceive. I know this is a long way off but I want to put my mind at ease. It will be our first baby (that is why I am stressing so much already!) blush

I would like to have a water birth in a midwife unit. The thought of a hospital terrifies me sad so I just want to feel as comfortable as possible. I am just curious to know, would my partner be able to stay with me at all times? I have heard stories of partners being sent home of an evening. I would like my partner there constantly. Please if anyone could help me out with this and to put my mind at ease I would be really grateful. Thanks so much grinhalo

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MintCakeMavis Fri 24-Nov-17 23:17:51

Hi, neither of mine were water births but the first was at a hospital and DH stayed from 10pm on he Monday when we were admitted to 11:30pm the next night when I went to he post-natal ward. He was there for the whole time and only advised to leave to get something to eat.

The second time it was due to be a Home birth but the service was suspended due to too few midwives so we went to hospital again and he and DS were with me or in the family room for the whole time (4:00 - 7:30 when DD was born, 7:30 - 14:30 when we left hospital).

No pressure for him to leave until after children were born.

blue2014 Fri 24-Nov-17 23:18:33

During active labour your partner would stay the whole time - I've never known of anyone's partner sent home

You do need to be aware births don't go to plan though. I'm sorry I don't mean to frighten you but it's just a very real possibility. I wanted the birthing pool, I got a 5 day Inducton (not labour! The labour was 1 day) and a c-section. It was fine but is not what I planned

disneydatknee Fri 24-Nov-17 23:25:01

I had a water birth at the birthing centre (run by midwives, not a hospital). My DH stayed with me all through out the labour. He stayed with me for a couple of hours afterwards while I got stitched up, had a shower and had something to eat but had to go home once I went off to bed. I will admit I barely slept, I really missed him. But he came back the next morning when it was visiting hours and I was discharged pretty much immediately after he arrived. They won’t chuck him out once the action starts, it’s not the 1920s smile don’t panic.

Lou94x Fri 24-Nov-17 23:25:54

Thanks so much for your quick responses. My friend was induced therefore she had to spend the night alone on a ward as her partner got sent home. This is what worries me sad

I am new to this, I am guessing DH stands for dear husband? blush

MintCakeMavis I am so relieved to hear your DH got to stay with you the whole time halo I hope you don’t mind me asking.. did you give birth in a hospital?

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Lou94x Fri 24-Nov-17 23:27:13

Sorry have just reread about hospital! blush

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Lollipop30 Fri 24-Nov-17 23:28:32

With my first (planned to have water birth in hospital) there were not enough pools available so wasn’t able to. My husband was sent home as soon as baby was born.

2nd time I had a water birth at home. Best choice ever. No worry about p

AssassinatedBeauty Fri 24-Nov-17 23:28:35

Once you're pregnant your midwife can answer these sorts of questions for you and hopefully reassure you. When you're on the delivery suite and in active labour your partner won't be sent anywhere. Some hospitals have private rooms for postnatal recovery where your partner can stay. If you know of a midwife led unit that you'd like to use, you can probably find out from their website what the postnatal facilities are like.

It's worth remembering that you can usually only use a midwife led unit if you're a low risk pregnancy. Hopefully that would be the case for you but it's never certain.

Lollipop30 Fri 24-Nov-17 23:31:51


No worry about pools not being available and as I was in my own home I was able to get into my own bed with baby next to me, no worries about hubby being sent away. It was lovely I had the same midwife throughout as no shift changes and knowing they were at my beck and call, with no other ladies on their case load made me feel more relaxed.

I’m hoping to do the same this time.

TreacleFarl Fri 24-Nov-17 23:33:21

Like blue said, I've never known any partner to be sent home during active labour.

I was induced and spent a long time waiting, last one on my ward to go so partner was sent home at 7pm.

I phoned him as soon as the midwife told me I was starting labour and was moving to the birthing suites. Luckily he was close to the hospital. He did however, almost miss the birth because the midwife told him to go and get something to eat. Fifteen minutes later I was ready to push.

Good luck with everything OP!

Bluebellwoods123 Fri 24-Nov-17 23:33:24

My experience was I had who I wanted with me all the time (partner then mother then partner again, my partner had to go home to feed animals).
I was terrified of hospital too, I planned a home birth because you can change your mind and go to hospital at anytime. I was 2 weeks over due, had to go to hospital for a scan and check up, the midwife offered me another sweep to get things going as I'd been in early labour for 6 days by that point. Waters broke and the midwife said you can go home for your home birth if you want, I said no way and stayed and by that point I didn't care where I was. I was also terrified of labour at the beginning of pregnancy but nature is wise and by the end I was very keen to meet my DS.
When you write your birth plan don't bother about any minor things, just put what's important to happen/not happen. Mine was no forceps ( could open a whole other debate) but they listened it was discussed with a doctor on an overdue check up and my wishes respected. So basically write "Birth Plan. I do not consent to being left alone in labour without my partner/mother present". Good luck ttc

Wolfiefan Fri 24-Nov-17 23:33:25

If you're being induced it can take days with nothing happening. No point him trying to sleep in a chair!

blue2014 Fri 24-Nov-17 23:33:27

My DH stayed with me the entire 5 day induction but honestly i think I was unusually lucky.

What are you scared of OP? It might be worth discussing it with your midwife if it's a serious anxiety problem

Lou94x Fri 24-Nov-17 23:34:45

Thanks for your reply. That would be my dream to have a water birth at home or even just a normal birth! I have recently read online that it is not advised to have your first baby at home due to certain risks. I don’t know how true this is? shock

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Wolfiefan Fri 24-Nov-17 23:37:22

You're not even pg yet! You are way overthinking things. You can't plan or guarantee a certain type of birth.
DC2 was supposed to be a lovely home water birth. Ended up with a dash to hospital as I was bleeding then a stupidly fast labour and delivery on a hospital bed!

Lou94x Fri 24-Nov-17 23:37:41

Thanks so much for your reply, it has made me feel a lot better. I do stress a lot but would like to get more information on this so I don’t stress when pregnant smile

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AssassinatedBeauty Fri 24-Nov-17 23:40:25

It's more risky (can't remember the exact numbers) to have a first time birth at home, but that's up to you to decide what's best for your individual circumstances.

I had a home water birth planned, but things didn't go how I hoped and instead I went very overdue, had a long induction, long labour then an emergency c section in hospital. But that was all fine in the end anyway even though it was everything I didn't want.

Wolfiefan Sat 25-Nov-17 00:08:27

Ha at not stressing when pg
You will. Focus on ways of dealing with the anxiety. You can't plan everything in birth and childhood.

frontdoughnuts Sat 25-Nov-17 00:12:26

The midwife led unit where I had ‘planned’ to have my baby told us my husband could stay the entire labour and even stay over after (they had sofas that pulled out in all of the birthing suits) ended up having an induction in hospital my husband didn’t leave my side during my labour, (and csection) I was in for 6 days and he could visit from 9am-9pm. I’m guessing each county/hospital differs though.

disneydatknee Sat 25-Nov-17 00:17:50

I responded earlier about my water birth but my first birth was in a hospital as I was induced. DH (dear husband) did go home during that time as it was a really long labour and nothing much happened. While I wasn’t in active labour and was just being monitored (hooked up to heart monitor etc), I was mostly on my own but that’s because you are on a different ward. Once I was moved to labour suit they brought DH back in and he stayed the entire time. I hadn’t wanted to be induced but I was so overdue. You can refuse an induction if you really want but it does pose a risk to the baby. You might not get the birth plan you want, and don’t worry too much if you don’t. In the end, you will get a beautiful baby. And that’s all that matters. Try not to get too worried about it. Talk it through with your partner. I’m sure they will support you no matter what happens.

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