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Am I being unrealistic?

(63 Posts)
anewjourney Thu 16-Nov-17 10:06:10

This will be my first baby and I have my heart set on a home birth.

I don’t want to be in a hospital with unfamiliar smells, sounds and people. I feel like it would stress me out and make me scared.

I want to be in my own surroundings with as many or as few people as I want.

I want my partner to be able to stay with me the whole time and afterwards for as long as I need and as long as he wants.

I would like a natural birth if possible and have read that intervention is far less likely at home.

I would like the option of a pool and if I was at home I know that I would be able to have one without worrying if it was free.

I have been reading tonnes of the stories on and they sound lovely.

Do I have my head in the clouds for thinking this is a realistic option or am I being stupid?

Obviously I know that births rarely go to plan and there’s a chance I’d need a transfer, but I’d love to at least give it a go.

Would love to hear some stories

tinymeteor Thu 16-Nov-17 11:39:16

Brace yourself OP you will get strong opinions on both sides.

Home birth is an available option for low risk first timers, discuss it with your midwives and see if you're in that category. Everyone has to balance the risks of different birth plans to their own satisfaction so read as much as you can and make your decision on an informed basis. And be prepared for it all to turn out differently anyway - that means not being afraid of hospital even if it's not your first choice:

KellyMarieTunstall2 Thu 16-Nov-17 11:47:05

I would advise you to discuss it with your midwife and keep an open mind. If you aim for a home birth, visit your local maternity unit and familiarize yourself with the midwife led and consultant led delivery suites so you are prepared if you have to change your plans or be transferred to hospital during your home birth. I know quite a few ftms who have had happy home births, but preparing for all eventualities is best.

KellyMarieTunstall2 Thu 16-Nov-17 11:47:15

I would advise you to discuss it with your midwife and keep an open mind. If you aim for a home birth, visit your local maternity unit and familiarize yourself with the midwife led and consultant led delivery suites so you are prepared if you have to change your plans or be transferred to hospital during your home birth. I know quite a few ftms who have had happy home births, but preparing for all eventualities is best.

AvoidingDM Thu 16-Nov-17 11:48:06

As someone who hemorraged after a fairly straightforward birth, one push. I wouldn't like to think what would have happened had Doctors not been nearby.

BabyDreams2018 Thu 16-Nov-17 11:51:32

If you have a straight forward pregnancy with no complications and you live near the hospital in case of something going wrong, it should be OK. Attend all your hospital antenatal appointments before the birth so your and your baby's health is monitored and check the baby's position. Have experienced Midwives there for the birth to keep an eye on the progress and after the birth.

Prusik Thu 16-Nov-17 11:54:31

If it's what you really want and you are low risk and close to a hospital then I'd highly recommend it.

I did for my first birth and it was just incredible.

That being said, for other reasons I've decided to have a hospital birth this time - I don't want a toddler under my feet while trying to the birth!

EatsFartsAndLeaves Thu 16-Nov-17 11:54:47

I had a home birth, with pool, first pregnancy, exactly for the reasons you describe. Speak to the home birth midwife team in your area. Not unrealistic at all. Good luck!

Spannerkeks Thu 16-Nov-17 11:55:55

I had a home birth with my first. Not unrealistic at all. Because of some complications my second child was born in hospital, and I wouldn't choose a hospital for a normal birth, at least not a busy hospital. It was very hard to get a midwife's attention and I ended up birthing unassisted until the very end, and suspect it would have been safer at home, with 2 experienced midwives and the Oxygen they bring with them.

newmumwithquestions Thu 16-Nov-17 12:00:15

Not unrealistic but also you can't rely on being able to actually do it. Some midwives are less keen on first time mums having a home birth - talk to your midwife about what they suggest.

And also talk to people about the intervention they've had and why - I really wanted to give birth at a local midwife unit not a hospital but both mine ended up in the hospital. It's not uncommon.

newmumwithquestions Thu 16-Nov-17 12:03:14

Spanner - why would you have had 2 midwives at home? Were you paying private ones?

Prusik Thu 16-Nov-17 14:44:52

I think they send two community midwives as standard. I had two for my birth and at times, more, because DS was born during shift change so I had one/two in and out for my whole labour

diddlemethis Thu 16-Nov-17 14:53:31

My friend had a home birth, she ran out of gas and air before she was finished, and then had to deal with the mess after.

I had a hospital birth with both, major unforeseen complications with DD who was my second. Her heart stopped and team of people arrived in the delivery room to save the day. If DD had died or been compromised because I wanted some home comforts, I couldn’t have forgiven myself.

Vitalogy Thu 16-Nov-17 14:58:27

I was the opposite to you OP, it would have caused me more worry to stay at home. But you do what is best for you and your baby. Best wishes.

BrieAndChilli Thu 16-Nov-17 14:59:15

Your birth, your choice.
BUT do realise that stats are manipulated. Yes Home births have less intervention BUT that’s because at the very first sign of something not being a perfect birth you are whisked off to hospital so the ‘intervention’ part goes down as a hospital birth.

newmumwithquestions Thu 16-Nov-17 15:05:51

Pretty sure my area don't send 2 midwives - they just can't because of the cuts. Essentially whenever they are short staffed (i.e. pretty much always) they only staff the hospital and not the local centres and I think home births fall in the same category - i.e. If you go into labour and there's no community midwife available then you're told to go to the hospital anyway.
That's why I had no 2 in hospital.

BexleyRae Thu 16-Nov-17 15:05:57

I didn't have a homebirth, cos DP is too much of a worry wart and really didn't want me to. However I do suggest you check out your hospital/ birthing unit as I had a lovely quiet, for want of a better word birth. I was left to labour with very little interference and was lucky to have the use of the birth pool, and when I needed the million stitches afterwards, I was already at the hospital

LemonBreeland Thu 16-Nov-17 15:13:54

I've had two home births but wouldn't have particularly wanted one for my first birth, as you don't know your bodies capabilities.

That's not to say you shouldn't go for it, but have in the back of your mind that you may need to transfer to hospital. Don't be too set in stone.

steppemum Thu 16-Nov-17 15:14:12

The very best advice I can give with regard to birth is that your plan may all go up shit creek and be prepared to do something different.
In the end it is the same delivery of the baby that matters.

So while you may desire one thing, if it doesn't happen, don't stress, just focus on safe delivery. Home birth/midwife unit/emergency c-section, whatever.

AvoidingDM Thu 16-Nov-17 15:53:39

Can I just say that if you need intervention then you'll need it regardless of the location.

sycamore54321 Thu 16-Nov-17 16:00:14

First time birth for someone with no other risk factors - double the risk of death or serious injury for your baby. Your midwife is negligent if she didn't clearly explain this to you.

I simply can't understand how an adult woman feels she could be "scared" of lights and smells. Is this really your own feeling? Or did you read something on the internet telling you that you should be scared of hospitals for these reasons?

SandSnakeofDorne Thu 16-Nov-17 16:00:44

It's not true to say that if you need intervention you'll need it wherever you are. the decision to intervene isn't clear cut and there is evidence that lower stress levels birthing at home reduce the need to start a cascade of interventions.

My first birth was a home birth and was lovely and easy (and I had a minor issue which would probably have led to intervention in hospital). If you are low risk, then go for it. But be prepared for things to not go to plan. My second ended up an emergency c section and it was fine, I was well cared for and I don't feel that there's something I missed out on.

reetgood Thu 16-Nov-17 16:21:23

I don’t think you’re unrealistic in planning a homebirth - I am also planning to birth at home as a first timer. I think it would be unrealistic to expect things to run exactly to plan however - I think it’s something like 40% of first time home births that transfer to hospital. I’m going in with a plan but not getting attached to a particular option. It’s all fairly unknown so I’m prepared to change my plans if circumstances change or I change my mind or if baby decides to not co-operate with my plans...

anewjourney Thu 16-Nov-17 16:30:34

Sycamore - can you post links to your statistics please? And I’m not scared of the lights and smells of hospitals - I’ve spent enough time in them.

But I do feel that already being in pain is not going to be made better or more peaceful by bright lights, unfamiliar people, and that awful hospital smell. As well as decisions being made on my behalf that aren’t entirely necessary. I welcome opinions but no need to be so rude.

SchoolNightWine Thu 16-Nov-17 16:33:57

I had home births for both my children, for exactly the reasons you mention (except the pool - I didn’t want/have one). Keep your positive attitude towards it but be realistic that no one knows how a birth will go (a bit irrelevant that it’s your first, as my first was a doddle and my second had some complications) so don’t have very set ideas or that’s when you could end up disappointed - this applies to all births anyway, regardless of where they are. I loved having my babies at home and wouldn’t change a thing.

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