I apologise in advance because my head is all over the place, this may not be a coherent post.
Dc4 was born 3 weeks ago.
Dc1 was a failed induction leading to c section at 38+2. Dc2 was an attempted vbac ending in c section at 39+2 (he had to be worked on a little when he was born as he was in distress) dc3 was elective section at 40+0 and so dc4 was due to be an elective section at 39+0.
At 2am 38+4 my waters broke, rather impressively. We called my mother who rushed over and went to hospital leaving the dc (7/5/1) asleep in bed.
I was strep b + so put on iv antibiotics, surgeon refused to operate because she was alone and I had previously had complications. She didn't want to attempt surgery with no back up and I'm so thankful she made that call. Contractions had started and by the time they eventually took me to theatre I was having contractions every 5 min, no pain relief, but all was good.
The team were brilliant, it was a very relaxed environment. Until they got through scar tissue and into my uterus. Baby had turned and they couldn't get him out. All of a sudden alarms were sounding, the surgeon got up on a stool and was elbows deep in my abdomen. They couldn't turn him. They tipped the bed, cut me up my side I think in a J cut, there was at least one surgeon with arms on him and the anaesthatist pushing down on my abdomen from my chest. They managed to drag him out by his feet. He was lifeless but quickly came round. It took a long time to fix me up and I watched some of it in the light which is like a mirror. My blood loss was 1100.
If I'm honest I'd say I've been pretty numb about the whole thing, only begun to process over the past few days. I didn't cry at all until a few days ago, but have cried a few times now. Fear of dying, struggling with the thought that I left my kids asleep and could have never come home.
Im alright, baby is fine (he had some initial bruising all over his body and problems with one arm) but we nearly weren't and I'm not sure how to work through it?
I know it's early days with baby and hectic with 4 kids but I feel out of sorts?
My memory is unbelievable and im struggling to focus.
My mum and husband are struggling but trying not to show it (crying in the car when they're alone etc) because they thought I was going to die.
Has anyone had similar? I don't want to be a drama llama but I feel like I'm shutting down a bit, I am avoiding people and get upset when people ask how it went.
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Childbirth
Traumatic birth, how do you move on?
6 replies
Oddsocksforeveryone · 14/11/2017 13:39
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