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Traumatic birth, how do you move on?

(7 Posts)
Oddsocksforeveryone Tue 14-Nov-17 13:39:03

I apologise in advance because my head is all over the place, this may not be a coherent post.
Dc4 was born 3 weeks ago.
Dc1 was a failed induction leading to c section at 38+2. Dc2 was an attempted vbac ending in c section at 39+2 (he had to be worked on a little when he was born as he was in distress) dc3 was elective section at 40+0 and so dc4 was due to be an elective section at 39+0.
At 2am 38+4 my waters broke, rather impressively. We called my mother who rushed over and went to hospital leaving the dc (7/5/1) asleep in bed.
I was strep b + so put on iv antibiotics, surgeon refused to operate because she was alone and I had previously had complications. She didn't want to attempt surgery with no back up and I'm so thankful she made that call. Contractions had started and by the time they eventually took me to theatre I was having contractions every 5 min, no pain relief, but all was good.
The team were brilliant, it was a very relaxed environment. Until they got through scar tissue and into my uterus. Baby had turned and they couldn't get him out. All of a sudden alarms were sounding, the surgeon got up on a stool and was elbows deep in my abdomen. They couldn't turn him. They tipped the bed, cut me up my side I think in a J cut, there was at least one surgeon with arms on him and the anaesthatist pushing down on my abdomen from my chest. They managed to drag him out by his feet. He was lifeless but quickly came round. It took a long time to fix me up and I watched some of it in the light which is like a mirror. My blood loss was 1100.
If I'm honest I'd say I've been pretty numb about the whole thing, only begun to process over the past few days. I didn't cry at all until a few days ago, but have cried a few times now. Fear of dying, struggling with the thought that I left my kids asleep and could have never come home.
Im alright, baby is fine (he had some initial bruising all over his body and problems with one arm) but we nearly weren't and I'm not sure how to work through it?
I know it's early days with baby and hectic with 4 kids but I feel out of sorts?
My memory is unbelievable and im struggling to focus.
My mum and husband are struggling but trying not to show it (crying in the car when they're alone etc) because they thought I was going to die.
Has anyone had similar? I don't want to be a drama llama but I feel like I'm shutting down a bit, I am avoiding people and get upset when people ask how it went.

PandaEyes2 Tue 14-Nov-17 15:07:29

Hi Hun,

That sounds very traumatic but at least you are starting to process it all. Can you see a doctor or get in touch with a local council session. I think you need to talk about it with your husband and mum too because bottling it up and not talking about it could do more harm than good.

Thank goodness you are all ok, but I understand the trauma scars will always be there but they definitely need addressing x

babypeach Tue 14-Nov-17 15:26:33

Hi Oddsocks,

Congratulations on your baby and I'm so sorry you had such a traumatic time. You are not at all being a drama lama! Have you been discharged by your midwife? If not and you feel your midwife is supportive please talk it through with her, how you are feeling etc. She ought to be able to get your notes and arrange a debrief with the consultant midwife and maybe some of the team in the future if either of those things would help. Your partner can also be involved in these if that will help. If your midwife can't give enough time or you're not comfortable with her or you're no longer under midwifery care then you can contact pals and explain, asking to speak to consultant midwife for a debrief or just get your notes. Is your health visitor helpful?Your GP can also be a source of support. Online groups may also be helpful and if you can get out to any health visitor run groups they can often offer people to just talk to and other mums too.
Please be gentle with yourself both physically and mentally you are still recovering. Taking it over out loud can really help you come to terms with events and also realise if you have any questions you need answers to.

Please take care and do reach out for support. Y ooh r experience was stressful and unusual so please don't feel your stress is over the top!

Xx

TanginaBarrons Tue 14-Nov-17 17:06:00

Not a drama llama at all! That sounds terrifying (going in for 4th c section in 3 weeks so understand the anxiety before any of this happened). I'm so sorry you had this experience - totally agree with finding a counsellor you could talk this through with - be aware that you are probably suffering a degree of PTSD and don't try to battle through and be stoical - let yourself feel however you feel and look after yourself.

Oddsocksforeveryone Tue 14-Nov-17 18:40:37

Thanks everyone, we have an appointment in 3 weeks that I think is a debrief. I don't even know which side they cut me up on as it is internal so it would be good to get a run through of what happened.
I think I will look for a group online and talk it out rather than just trying to get on with it

Congratulations @Tangina I hope you get a nice peaceful one xx

Batterseapark Tue 14-Nov-17 19:30:05

Hi OP, I would encourage you to get in touch with the Birth trauma association. They have a website and a very friendly Facebook group. I know you haven't declared PTSD but I think the group would welcome you no matter. There are incredible women there who will have an idea of the trauma you have faced.
Even though the outcome was fine in the end, the physical trauma and it's emotional aftermath needs to be processed. The debrief should be helpful in starting to piece together what happened.
flowers

Dinosauratemydaffodils Wed 15-Nov-17 15:32:57

Definitely second the Birth Trauma Association. I've been a member of their private facebook page since shortly after Ds's interesting arrival and it's helped a lot (to the point that I'm now pregnant again despite having sworn never again). I'm also having psychotherapy on the NHS both for his arrival and a previous traumatic event which was re-triggered by his arrival.

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