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Hospital not letting me choose how I want to give birth

(92 Posts)
Monkeypuzzle32 Fri 10-Nov-17 17:01:11

Just that really.
I am in my 40's 1st baby via IVF.
From my very first midwife appointment they were saying to me "you'll be induced at 38 weeks" . As time has gone on and I've spoken to to other women about labour, I questioned why they wanted to induce me and why at 38 weeks-the only answer I've been given is "you're in your 40's and its an IVF pregnancy" , because they are classing me as high risk due to this (I've had a healthy pregnancy so far), they say I can only use the delivery suite rather than the birthing centre. I really want a water birth for many reasons, I also do not want to be induced full stop, nor do I want a sweep, it all sounds very invasive and hurried up-it is definitely hospital protocol to do this but I want to be given some choices!
Should anything go wrong, or either myself or the baby are ever at a real risk then obviously things will change, I get that but although I've challenged this, I am worried I will be pretty much forced into lying on a hospital bed with midwives pressuring me to have a sweep or induction.
I dont want it to be like this.

tinkitonki Fri 10-Nov-17 17:15:31

You absolutely can refuse anything you don't want to happen. So induction, just say no I won't be doing that every time. It's all ultimately your decision to make and as long as you are fully informed and happy with what you want want to do then that's fine.

I remember having a conversation with DC3 and being told I had to come in for induction the following day. When I asked what would happen if I didn't they said truthfully nothing, they couldn't force me, and so I didn't!

The birthing unit might be out though but anything else should be ok.
Just keep standing your ground.

HolyShet Fri 10-Nov-17 17:21:45

Get an appointment with the Head of Midwifery to discuss.

Are you under consultant care?

Have you a regular midwife in the community?

You cannot be forced to be induced; nor to have a sweep (though really no biggie tbh and quite effective if the conditions are right) ; nor to labour on your back nor to be electronically monitored. Even if they would like you to do any of those things and assume you'll go along with them.

You need to go and talk to someone senior soon to cut through protocol and discuss your wishes and assure them you are making informed choices to labour in the way you wish. I did this when having my 3rd (and had VBA2C).

SlowSlothSlow Fri 10-Nov-17 19:10:06

I agree with others, you can’t be made to have a sweep etc.
With my first pregnancy at 36 weeks my consultant decided I had to be on an ECG monitor for birth, my cardiologist says it wasn’t necessary. I had a meeting with the supervisor of midwives, she listened to me and at 37 weeks pregnant she helped my switch to a different consultant. The second consultant was very happy for me to give birth without being on a monitor.

100% fight for what you want as long as it’s safe.

My hospital have a delivery suite room with a pool in. Maybe enquire if your hospital does. That’s the room I had, you have the pool but also because of being high risk all the medical equipment is also in the room.

HolyShet Fri 10-Nov-17 19:31:47

Where are you. OP?
If you can say, there might be someone on here who knows the people to speak to.
At Liverpool Women's where I was there was a Consultant Midwife who was totally undaunted by my wanting to have VBA2C on MLU. Was first time it had happened there. But the lower echelons expected me to do what I was told was best.
Also read up in NICE guidelines re your choices and their recommendations. It will back you up.

HolyShet Fri 10-Nov-17 19:33:12

...ps though, don't fixate on the pool, it's never guaranteed possible even in births they consider totally boring/run of the mill.

Redken24 Fri 10-Nov-17 19:36:00

I would never in a million years have another induction or sweeps that are unnecessary. The bother I had after birth was all due to these.
I think the others are right, go to the top of the chain and take your concerns to the head midwife. Hope all goes well, how far along are you?

GummyGoddess Fri 10-Nov-17 19:38:39

Can you change hospitals?

BigGreenOlives Fri 10-Nov-17 19:39:07

My guess is that your baby is very special, as all babies are to their mothers, and they do not want there to be any nasty surprises. If you have your baby safely at 38 weeks that is surely enough - iirc a placenta ages and you really don’t want to have a less than favorable outcome. A friend of mine’s father is a neonatologist and I said something to him about wanting a water birth, he said to me just aim for a live baby, that’s enough. Having seen people go through the most awful experiences I now agree 100% with him.

chinadoll92 Fri 10-Nov-17 19:39:37

Op , contact AIMS . Google ‘AIMS Am I allowed’ and as pp have said ask to see the manager/matron of the delivery suite alongside the head / supervisor of midwives . They will support you .

AveEldon Fri 10-Nov-17 19:43:19

Remember you can always refuse
Ask "so what happens if we do nothing?"
I was offered induction.... "that date doesn't work for me"

Callamia Fri 10-Nov-17 19:48:07

If it’s any help at all, I really wanted and expected another waterbirth at the midwife led centre for my second. For various reasons, I couldn’t; but his birth, in the labour ward while being monitored was easier than the first. You don’t have to be trapped on your back, and you can retain control even if it’s not exactly what you want.

I hope you are listened to, and reach a plan that works for you.

stargirl1701 Fri 10-Nov-17 19:52:38

I second contacting AIMS.

https://www.aims.org.uk

Watsonwotsit Fri 10-Nov-17 19:53:10

I'm sure there is a link between Ivf and premature placental failure, that along with your age would be a good enough reason for induction for me but as other posters have said they can't force you to do anything.

Good luck with the birth and enjoy your baby smile

Belleende Fri 10-Nov-17 20:02:57

The push to induce is to reduce the chances of still birth. Basically if all women were induced at 37 weeks still birth rates would go down,but the rates of c section and instrumental births and all the complications that go with it would go up.

I was advised to be induced at 37 weeks, (old, baby a bit small) have compromised on 39 with monitoring every 3 days.

This is my second, my advice to you is educate yourself. What are the risks you are facing? Can they offer you monitoring? You are the decision maker, with the exception of where you give birth, that is the hospital's call.

As other posters have said, don't fixate on the exact conditions you want for the birth. In the end you will do what you need to and make decisions based on how you feel at the time. Give yourself permission to do this it will make the whole process alot easier. Also ask for wireless monitoring if available, it is less restrictive.

Good luck.

HolyShet Fri 10-Nov-17 20:59:38

I'd say too that there are some things that are proven to be helpful and some things like CFM that are not necessarily associated with better outcomes, just easier for wards to manage when short staffed.

You'll need to some research that relates to the specifics of IVF/elderly primagravida (as they so politely call you) then you can work out what really matters to you.

Monkeypuzzle32 Fri 10-Nov-17 21:10:43

Sorry all-I fell asleep! I will look at AIMS thank you, I have challenged the consultants -note the plural as I've seen 4! They just fob me off apart from obecrehistrar who explained about the placenta, I understand that but that's only after 42 weeks, none of them have really backed up anything with evidence apart from if I go over 40 weeks which if is the case I would go for an induction.
All the evidence I can gather shows sweeps with s success rate of 30% which even the midwife confirmed and inductions leading to a more painful Labour-I have s real fear of lying on a hospital bed in bright lights being told push push!

Am I being really unrealistic to at least attempt a more 'natural ' birth in water? I admit my knowledge is only recently gained as I thought I'd never be able to have a child.

cansu Fri 10-Nov-17 21:33:51

I think you can completely refuse all or any intervention that you do not want. I would however go into it with a see how it goes attitude. e.g get to 38 weeks see how things are then. If baby seems to be still doing well, make decision to carry on until 39 weeks, check again etc etc. In both pregnancies I had this approach. First births are unpredictable as you don't know how you will labour. With my second, I had preferences but I was still fairly open as my primary aim was to give birth safely. That is undoubtedly the no 1 aim of the midwives and consultants.

Watsonwotsit Fri 10-Nov-17 21:35:53

The placental failure after 42 weeks is for non Ivf pregnancies. There's a proven link that for some reason in a hope ghee percentage of Ivf pregnancies the placenta starts to deteriorate sooner.

I had an Ivf pregnancy and very premature placental failure so I am biased but honestly I would just do what needs to be done to get your long awaited baby in your arms safely.

Either way do your research first so you can make an informed decision.

gamerchick Fri 10-Nov-17 21:38:27

You’re not guaranteed a water birth in any event though OP, not unless you hire one yourself for a home birth which as a geriatric mother won’t be advisable. There may not be a pool free. You really need a plan b or you may be disappointed.

Watsonwotsit Fri 10-Nov-17 21:38:42

*higher percentage that was supposed to say, my phone thinks it knows better confused

IrritatedUser1960 Fri 10-Nov-17 21:38:59

Dont let them induce you, it's horrifically painful. If i had to be induced again I'd insist on an epidural or they can sod off. Done it once never again.

Nan0second Fri 10-Nov-17 21:46:45

We would offer iol at 40weeks for ivf / mum over 40 (assuming no other risk factors and normal growth of baby).
The birth centre would be fine to have you assuming you laboured spontaneously.
Offer being the operative word though.
Is there a different hospital you can book at? I think you need to talk to matron or head of midwifery though.
(Obstetric consultant)

YouCantArgueWithStupid Fri 10-Nov-17 21:49:36

I don’t know if this is correct and please @Nan0second correct me if I’m wrong: they can refuse MLU if that’s what the consultant has said it’s a no?

Skyechasemarshalsfanmum Fri 10-Nov-17 21:49:58

I would research your specific ivf placenta risk etc.

Ds was induced at 38 weeks born the same day. I was giving an epidural labour was a dream i slept most of the day. 2 pushs he was out.

Dd born at 36 weeks after 8 weeks of broken waters constanly leaking was a c section. I hated it due to complications but to have now alive amd healthy at 2 id do it again in a heartbeat for her. There was every possibly 1 little infection could have killed her or me during the last 2 months of the pregnancy.

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