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Feel like I’m just constantly failing

(10 Posts)
NameChangeNeedsSleep Wed 08-Nov-17 18:23:41

The title says it all really. Had DS almost a week ago, it was an extremely quick labour and delivery and it just feels like the minute I went into labour everything went wrong. Partner was away for the night and turned his phone on silent for some reason, he missed everything. Showed up at the hospital an hour after I gave birth, stayed for an hour then went to work. I was discharged the same day and he finished work before taking us home then went out for the night. Went into work the next day despite it being a Saturday but took Sunday off. Decided he wouldn’t take paternity leave because of the decrease in pay but he was going to take holidays and has not long realised he has none left so won’t be taking any time off work at all.

DS won’t let me put him down, he wants to feed constantly and my nipples are agony. They just feel sucked raw. I can’t sleep properly, I can barely get time to go to the toilet and I’ve not had a hot cuppa or meal since I gave birth. I ache everywhere and apart from finally managing to wash my hair today I’ve not had a shower since my shower at the hospital. I’m trying to get all the housework done and barely managing to do even half of it.

I have two other DC at school and haven’t even managed to take them there or back, I’m having to rely on friends/family to help with that. I also feel like I’m very short tempered with them, DD is upset because I missed her class presentation today and DS is upset that I haven’t been able to pick them up from school.

I finally resorted to giving newborn DS a dummy today and feel so incredibly guilty now on top of feeling abandoned and alone and sore and so utterly exhausted. Partner still isn’t home and I just want to sit and cry, it really wasn’t supposed to be this way.

SweepTheHalls Wed 08-Nov-17 18:28:26

You aren't failing but your partner is. Big hugs here, the early days can be really tough. I didn't do the school run for 2 weeks after giving birth as that's what the partner on paternity leave is for, to support you!

Pansiesandredrosesandmarigolds Wed 08-Nov-17 18:31:20

Dummy is fine.

WhingyNinja Wed 08-Nov-17 18:39:15

Holy Shit! Your partner really needs to step up, you shouldn’t be doing anything bar recovering and feeding at this point! You’re not failing at anything, but your partner is really failing you.

Fishfingersandwichnocheese Wed 08-Nov-17 18:44:12

What's wrong with your partner ? Was he always so useless ?

Fishfingersandwichnocheese Wed 08-Nov-17 18:44:42

Surely surely he's had time to make you a warm drink and a meal ??

Smoochyschmoo Wed 08-Nov-17 18:47:32

Please be gentle on yourself! Your ‘d’p needs to step up hugely - does he know how you’re feeling?

I had my 3rd dc 3 months ago and feel guilty about everything - I also gave a dummy which I was sure I’d never do, I still don’t like that he has it but it’s made such a huge difference.

dertyyuoih2 Wed 08-Nov-17 18:49:01

He’s being crap quite frankly, who cares about the drop in pay for one whole week to help out? Put your foot down and say you need help.
You’ve not failed and are doing an ace job for your new one and 2 Dcs it’s just blooming hard work!! You can’t do it alone... you need to sit him down and tell him he will take time off, you need him too. You need help. glad you’ve got help with DS and DD, ultimately don’t worry about them, give it a few days and they will forget about the presentation and school pick up. These things happen.
Remember there are dummies and there is formula . Do what works for you. Don’t be afraid to ask for help!!

GummyGoddess Wed 08-Nov-17 18:52:33

Unless you're going to be in serious trouble financially by him taking paternity leave then he needs to help you. He should come in and take dc so you can shower and eat!

FartnissEverbeans Wed 15-Nov-17 18:03:29

I think you sound amazing and your partner sounds fucking useless.

There's nothing wrong with a dummy either. They're brilliant. Why suffer needlessly without one? Your baby will be happier and more settled for it. Don't be so harsh on yourself flowers You're doing so well under what sounds like really trying circumstances.

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