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Feeling overwhelmed - possible trigger warning (childbirth/bleeding
Not sure if this is the right place to post or what response I’m hoping for, but I just feel like I need to talk.
Ever since DS2 was conceived I was obsessed with the fact that I’d die in childbirth, it terrified me. Midwives were really helpful with this and eased my worries.
Fast forwards to 36 weeks and midwife says my BP is high, sends me to the hospital where it calms back down.
Return to the hospital a few days later to find it’s back up and +++protein in urine. Cue back and fourth appointments and discussions of induction, which happened at 37+4 (1 week ago today).
Obviously all of this flared up my anxiety again, but again the midwives were great. DS was born on the 28th October at 7:23, after 1hr 15 min in established labour.
After labour my midwife couldn’t stop my bleeding, and I was rushed to theatre with a PPH, were it was discovered I had retained placenta. This was removed under spinal and a second degree tear mended. I remember sitting in theatre thinking ‘god I was actually right’ about the dying thing, I had come to terms with leaving my children and my partner and everything, then they brought my DP and new baby DS into theatre which made me feel so strong again.
I was taken to recovery, and eventually the postnatal ward, and was discharged on Tuesday (31st), but ever since I have been home I am obsessed with every little thing, every pain very twinge thinking it’s something bad. MW checked my blood pressure yesterday which was fine but this morning my bits have been a bit sore (no pain previously) and I have had a few cramps and have now managed to convince myself I’m going to get an infection and end up back in hospital or worse.
I just want to enjoy my baby, and my older son but I feel like I can’t. Every time I think about the birth, or think about being ill I start to panic.
Been sent home with medication (blood thinners, iron tablets and antibiotics (preventative)) but what about when they run out? What’s to keep me healthy then? Everything happened so fast during labour and birth I’m terrified the same might happen.
Call your health visitor, they're there to check you're ok as well as your ds. I think you need to see the doctor to put your mind at rest, and also to possibly go on some temporary medication to alleviate your anxiety.
You need to tell your health visitor or doctor - sounds like you’re suffering ptsd.
Congratulations on the birth of your little one. Hope you feel better soon
I already suffer with PTSD due to an abusive relationship, and was on medication before conceiving DS2 can you suffer from it twice? I don’t really know how it all works. I’m a bit wary of medication as I’m really enjoying breastfeeding and don’t want to have to stop?
DP is ringing the postnatal ward for me now, they said any problems then call.
Definitely speak to your health visitor or GP. You'll have a chance to raise it at your six week check if you still feel this way. Keep pushing if you don't feel like you're getting a satisfactory answer. Can you make sure your partner is with you for the discussion?
And your baby is beautiful by the way!
I went to the hospital and had a debrief. Midwife explained everything that happened which has made me feel better.
She said it wasn’t as touch and go as my brain remembers but it’s completely valid how scared and upset it’s made me.
But I STILL can’t shake the feeling that something bad is going to happen to me. Like I’m convinced I’m going to die. I couldn’t even leave the house earlier so DP has taken DS1 out for tea, not fair on him to be cooped up because of me.
At the minute I’m worried I’m going to develop an infection as a complication of everything that happened and die from that. I’ve stopped obsessing over the pre eclampsia at the minute as my blood pressure has been ok.
It’s like my brain isn’t happy unless it has something to go into a blind panic about.
I have had a similar experience - a big bleed which required surgery and moments where I tried to come to terms w the fact I was dying, said goodbye to my husband etc.
I have read that thinking "this is it" is one of the triggers for PTSD.
I also recently gave birth (the bleed was a few yrs ago and not related) and have experienced exactly the same anxiety you mention... I'm here to hand hold and reassure you that all the things in your head are exactly that - understandable worries and fears triggered by your experiences rather than based on what likely to happen.
You are going to be fine.
Also I read today that baby blues can present as anxiety so also worth remembering all these worries are actually a manifestation of changes in your hormones and body chemistry.
You're going to be ok
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