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What birth would you go for in my circumstances

(41 Posts)
Summersunshineaddict Tue 31-Oct-17 07:49:39

I have an incredible fear of hospitals/drs/nurses and this will be my first. In an ideal world I would have a lovely event free homebirth but this is not an ideal world.

So I need to consider the following, the MLU is around 45mins to an hour away (fab reputation!), homebirth with acceptance I may have to transfer in (terrible reputation at hospital, homebirth team have a good one), push for a c section under the grounds that if I'm in hospital and I'm not listened to and get very scared I don't know what will happen and I know I will have a high bp as I'll be scared so they may want to do more monitoring (it could be fine it could not be who knows!!) And at least then I will know what will happen. Yes it's major surgery but I'd have a feeling of knowing what is happening, time to get my head around it etc....or any other ideas anyone has????

EssentialHummus Tue 31-Oct-17 07:53:27

Why not MLU, with a discussion beforehand about your preference for an elective section rather than other interventions (not sure in what circumstances they’ll consider elective section, but you may as well ask)?

Is a MLU too medicalised for you?

PotteringAlong Tue 31-Oct-17 07:54:24

hospital for me, but no section.

The MLUbis too far away - no one wants that journey in labour and if things progress quickly you're knackered.

Stay at home for as long as you can but then have the security of them being about to get the baby out asap if needed in the hospital.

ScrunchyBook Tue 31-Oct-17 08:05:09

I think to start off you need to relax. You can try to plan these things but birth doesn't often stick to the plan.
Fwiw I had a big fear of hospitals and needles, I'd faint before they even got close to me.
I wanted to give birth at the MLU, definitely not at the hospital. Then I found out I was having twins so I had to give birth in a hospital, not MLU.
After lots of research I decided I wanted a C-section, definitely not vaginal delivery.
I then got talked around by the midwives to trying for a natural birth, but I was adamant that I would never let them induce me, and they'd have to let me have a C-section.
In the end, I had a vaginal birth with an epidural, with needles all over the place, in a theatre room at the hospital - all completely different to what I had originally envisioned when I found out I was pregnant.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, you don't need to decide right now, be prepared to be flexible, and most importantly - you can probably handle more than you are giving yourself credit for at the moment.

Ohyesiam Tue 31-Oct-17 08:06:29

Home birth.

ScrunchyBook Tue 31-Oct-17 08:07:02

And in the end I was happy to be induced, but if you'd asked me at 20 weeks I would have said no way to being induced

Rotorevolution Tue 31-Oct-17 08:08:24

I think the midwife led unit is a bit too far away. If it were closer I'd say go for that.

As it's not I'd go for a home birth, if you need to transfer then so be it, you be there anyway if you chose a hospital birth. You'd feel more comfortable at home so would help the labour progress. If you are stressed in hospital it's may stall and you'd end up with intervention and doctors all over the place.

bengalcat Tue 31-Oct-17 08:12:30

You need to talk through your concerns and issues with your midwife / dr primarily because birth can never be predicted and you need to following discussion decide on what would be best for you ie plan A which may well be home or MLU . On average 1:5 first timers with an otherwise uncomplicated pregnancy are transferred in to hospital during labour so the team need to discuss in what circumstances this would be recommended . Dont leave this until you're almost due do it now .

Flisspaps Tue 31-Oct-17 08:16:53

I’d plan for home birth, every time, unless baby had a diagnosed medical problem prior to birth that would definitely require medical intervention.

Summersunshineaddict Tue 31-Oct-17 08:18:25

No I'm going to talk to them soon. The MLU would be fine but it's the distance that worries me, however in bad traffic the 15 mins to the hospital could be around 45mins mark anyway.

I am very much against hospital if at all avoidable especially knowing the terrible reputation it has. Ironically I have no issues with needles and have given blood as many times as I can!

Thank you for your advice so far

WeeCheekyBird Tue 31-Oct-17 08:19:36

As the others said it would be best to speak to your midwife about your concerns but I had an emergency c section (which i know is a bit different from an elective one) and I wouldn't want to go through that again.

Long recovery time (still recovering 5 months after)
Struggled to bond with DD
Major surgery and unable to look after baby as much as I wanted.
You miss the moments after birth and it is very clinical.

If I had had the choice I would have homebirthed or MLU. It also depends on how your pregnancy progresses and it seems terrifying but having you and your baby safe are is the most important thing. The worry doesn't matter anymore when you see your healthy baby ☺

Summersunshineaddict Tue 31-Oct-17 08:50:27

I think c section recovery is varied, friends have bounced back as quickly as those who have had a vaginal birth but they were careful to rest and were planned sections

Gunpowder Tue 31-Oct-17 08:53:27

I did NCT classes with a woman who felt similar to you I think. She was considering an elective section so she could feel in control. In the end she did some hypnobirthing classes and had a doula and ended up with a fabulous quick water birth. No interventions. I think given it’s your first birth I’d consider the MLU if it has a good rep. Even though it’s far away first labours usually give you enough time to get there.

Gunpowder Tue 31-Oct-17 08:55:09

Sorry x-post, write it before the school run and didn’t press send!

Gunpowder Tue 31-Oct-17 08:55:24

*write = wrote

Summersunshineaddict Tue 31-Oct-17 09:35:04

The MLU does sound amazing and they have water birth options, keep the lights low etc which sounds ideal! It's only the distance that concerned me

Bisquick Tue 31-Oct-17 10:50:20

I think I’d advise against a homebirth only because it seems like a hospital is quite far for you should you need a transfer.

Have you thought about getting a doula who might help ease your anxiety about not being listened to, and advocate on your behalf at the hospital?

In your situation barring any other complications I’d pribably go for MLU with the proviso that i’d prefer a section over more vaginal interventions. But tbh it’s a bit naive to assume it’s all going to be as clear as that. Some labours are slow, some are super fast, some suddenly speed up. You need to have faith that the medical personnel will make the best possible decisions for you at that point, so best to keep as open a mind as possible.

Given my obstetric history I will need continuous monitoring if I choose to try for a vaginal birth. Don’t really want to do that, and be induced early and labour on my back etc and deal with all the anxiety, so based on my consultant recommendation am opting for an ELCS. Experiences of CS are mixed, but it’s also hard to get them approved on the NHS barring a medical need. (You can of course, just saying it is tricky in some trusts to get approval for maternal request CS).

Good luck and hope you have a smooth and easy delivery!

Summersunshineaddict Tue 31-Oct-17 12:15:48

Blue lighting to hospital would be 5 mins according to a paramedic friend so that's not a concern.

I'm fully aware nothing ever goes to plan hence looking at an ElCS as then here is a tiny amount of control on my part even though it's really not what I want in an ideal situation

Bisquick Tue 31-Oct-17 12:52:48

Look into a doula if the budget allows. They can really help you feel more in control and listened to. And the trainee ones will often offer quite economical rates.

Summersunshineaddict Tue 31-Oct-17 13:39:49

I don't think we can afford one unfortunately, much as i would like one

RidingMyBike Tue 31-Oct-17 14:11:48

I had very similar fears to you - couldn’t bear people poking around my nether regions and always struggled with smear tests for instance. I was induced at 38 weeks for diabetes and really wouldn’t want to go through that experience again. Midwives were very good at reassuring me and I had gas and air for the examinations but it was still really tough. Had standard vaginal birth but second degree tears, episiotomy, struggled to bond with baby (took months - caring 24/7 for a tiny thing you don’t even like is soul-destroying), took eight weeks for breast milk to come in, ended up with postnatal depression. I really regret not pushing for an elective c section now.

NameChange30 Tue 31-Oct-17 15:11:09

Is there a reason behind your fear of hospitals and medical staff - have you had a traumatic experience in the past? Just wondering if you might benefit from some CBT, general counselling or even hypnotherapy to help you address it?

Regarding the birth, I strongly recommend that you do a hypnobirthing course if you can. The course is ideal but if you can't find or afford one, there are also books. A key element of hypnobirthing is helping to calm your fears about childbirth and hospitals.

I also agree with the PP's suggestion of a doula - I didn't have one but wish I had! Depending on your financial circumstances, you might be eligible for the Doula Access Fund. If not, you could see if there is a trainee doula who would do it for free or a reduced rate.

Honestly I think a doula would be the best possible thing. Ideally you'd have an uncomplicated birth in the MLU (well that would be my ideal) but a doula would help you feel calm and supported and would be worth her weight in gold if you did have any complications and had to be transferred into hospital. I know a doula who is trained in hypnosis techniques and that could be ideal for you.

BroomstickOfLove Tue 31-Oct-17 15:17:21

Would you transfer to a different hospital from the MLU? If not, homebirth for sure.

Summersunshineaddict Tue 31-Oct-17 15:47:00

riding That's exactly my worry, and part of me thinks why risk it just push for an ElCS

Nope, no reason I can think of for my fear. I guess some people are terrified of spiders or dogs, this is mine. I think a doula wouldn't be something we can afford but I will look at hypnobirthing

I believe it would be a different hospital

PotteringAlong Tue 31-Oct-17 16:21:46

Blue lighting to hospital would be 5 mins according to a paramedic friend so that's not a concern.

Out of curiosity, I just googled ambulance response times in my area. It's 14 mins on average.

So, midwife makes the call. 5 mins. 15 mins for the ambulance to arrive. 10 mins to get you into the ambulance. 5 mins blue lighted there. 10 mins for assessment and decision. That's the best part of an hour since they decided your baby was in distress and nothing's happened yet.

It might be fine, but it's not as simple as saying that you're 5 mins away.

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