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To not know how to even begin recovering mentally from birth trauma?

(52 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

PumpernickleInaWarehouse Tue 03-Oct-17 13:20:49

Doctor didnt seem interested.
I don't know what to do.
Im having a really bad time.
I don't even know what else to say.

user1471134011 Tue 03-Oct-17 13:24:24

I'm really sorry to hear that. I didn't want to let your post go unacknowledged. Would you consider having a de-brief about your birth?

SquidgeyMidgey Tue 03-Oct-17 13:25:33

Are you still under the mw or hv? They can arrange counselling flowers

user1471134011 Tue 03-Oct-17 13:25:39

I wonder if your post would be better in post natal health? There's a wealth of information on the board and people who have had similar experiences

MagicMarkers Tue 03-Oct-17 13:27:32

Have a look at the Birth Trauma Association.

123bananas Tue 03-Oct-17 13:31:20

So sorry to hear you are struggling Pumpernickle. As someone who suffered ptsd after birth trauma I can reassure you that it gets better in time. There are lots of ways to access help, it is about finding what helps you. The Birth Trauma Association has some info here. I am trying to find the helpline number I called when I was struggling.

PumpernickleInaWarehouse Tue 03-Oct-17 13:33:34

Yes. I just feel overwhelmed and do not know where to even begin with it all.
I had tokophobia confirmed by 6 consultants and every midwife i saw. They refused my c section request.
Told me horror stories and told me I could die.
Was forces into an induction 12 days over and had a big baby. Had every single intervention and examination i could possibly have. Legs in stirrups. 8 peope in the room. Every thing i feared.
Everything i had panic attacks over and cried all night over. It all happened.
I felt violated and like a fucking animal being pulled apart. I was specifically phobic of internal procedures etc...
Was promised i would only have one to checm dialation and wpuld be it.
Of course was induced. Midwife couldnt find hind waters tried three dofferent times with the needle thing to break them.
Whose hands i didnt have up my cervix would be a shorter list than whose did.
Had bad tearing and felt humiliated at all the people wandering around while my kegs where in stirrups.
I laid silently crying.
They called a consultant down who told me no going back (when things were going wro ng and they kept losing baby heartbeat ) and that i was doing this natural no matter what and that she had seen women die om her table. Wtf?
I laid crying and asked whats wrong i said you are goinf to ruin my fucking life. Please make the right call and take me down for a section.
Ended up with infection in hosp for a week.
I am now traumatised.

123bananas Tue 03-Oct-17 13:34:18

Some links from AIMS here. It was Birth Crisis I spoke to, the telephone number and website is on the AIMS link.

Joeymaynardslimegreendress Tue 03-Oct-17 13:38:26

Your consultant actually said those words? If so you might have grounds for a complaint.

Sounds dreadful op and I think birth trauma and the bloody shock of it all is very much downplayed and ignored.

Go to the links offered and flowers to you.

Malib Tue 03-Oct-17 13:41:17

Can you report them? It sounds horrendous. Mine wasn't as bad but I still had nightmares about being on the operating table, unable to move, with no one around.

It got better with time and therapy. See if they offer a post natal therapy group.

123bananas Tue 03-Oct-17 13:43:04

That sounds awful Pumpernickle and in time when you feel stronger I would urge you to speak to PALS.

A birth debrief might also help you, but you will need support in there to enable your voice and feelings to be heard. You deserve an apology for the treatment you received. I am well aware though that an apology is in no way enough given the level of emotional, physical and mental trauma you are suffering. At the very least it may mean that you get access to longer term specialist therapeutic support via a hospital referral to counselling services.

When did you give birth? Have you had any support from the midwives/HV coming to see you?

bulldogmum Tue 03-Oct-17 13:44:19

I'm so sorry this has happened. I had a really traumatic birth too and found the complaints process really helps. You out your side fully across and it can help how other mums are treated. We took our complaint to the top and whilst my husband did the official forms I wrote a letter explaining the impact it had had on me. That alone helped me to feel like I had some control back.
I would also recommend going for a debrief / reflections meeting with the hospital where they go through your notes from the time and go through every bit of it with you explaining each thing that made your birth so bad.
As a result of that and the complaints, I am now expecting baby no 2, which I had flat out refused to consider after the last birth, I have had care from senior midwives, consultants and the service has been impeccable. They apologised for what happened last time, which I'd rather they never messed up in the first place but at least it's acknowledged and they're trying to change the situation.
Also recommend Birth Trauma Association. Help us there and push for it.
I'm so sorry it happened in the first place for you and I really hope you can find some help. Sending hugs.xx

Fruu Tue 03-Oct-17 13:44:38

The Facebook group for this association and other related groups helped me to process it:

If you have PTSD symptoms, it might be worth seeing a new GP and pushing to get a referral for CBT or other help?

I've heard that many hospitals will offer a 'debrief' to help you to understand what happened, but I had no luck trying to organise one with mine unfortunately.

Don't listen to people who tell you that your experiences don't matter because all that matters is your baby. What you went through does matter and your feelings are valid.

PumpernickleInaWarehouse Tue 03-Oct-17 13:49:43

I gave birth 12 weeks ago.
Two different co sultants said those words. My partner was there so i know it was definitely said, they were not going to back down. I saw 6 consultants. I hyperventilated and cried and begged at each appt. They didnt give a fuck.
It has now left me so scared for anyone to even touch me.
I know its embarrassing to say but my whole phobia was around internal examination etc and lots of people touching me.
Now i am at the stage where i cant face a smear test, refused the doctor to examine my stitches at my check up and lets face it as patient as my dp is if i cant be touched or have sex again just how long will my 13 year relationship last?
Im now on anti depressants and anti anxiety medication. On waiting list for therapy.
But none of that will change it.
I literally wince and shudder at the mere thought of anything going internally inside me ever again. I feel sweaty and panicked.
Im so fucking angry at them.
They didnt care or listen
Every appointment i told them it wasnt just the birth but that i would suffer after.
And now i fucking am.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon Tue 03-Oct-17 13:51:43

Sounds horrid OP.
You can request a birth debrief. They have to keep all the notes from your Labour so the head midwife should be able to speak you through it.
My labour was awful. Never found the ability to bring myself to get a debrief. 18 months later and the thought of another baby terrifies me.

flowers and cake for you

TenForward82 Tue 03-Oct-17 13:54:23

Contact your HV, and the hospital and ask for a birth debrief. Can you afford private therapy? I'm undergoing a type of therapy called EMDR which works specifically on trauma (it's NOT hypnotherapy). You may find it useful.

Also please join @BirthTrauma on Twitter, it can be useful to talk with others who know what you're going through.

Please DM me if you think talking to someone would help x

Fruu Tue 03-Oct-17 13:57:39

Oh, goodness, just read your first update, how horrific. flowers

I had an induction too, and never would have agreed to it if I'd known how traumatic it was going to be. I lost count after having had about 15 people put their hands in me too, it honestly seemed like everyone on the ward had had a go. Hospitals can be truly awful for how little dignity there is on labour wards, I remember having about 12 people bustle into my room at one point just because a consultant and his students / lackeys were doing the rounds.

I hope if you feel able to make a complaint that the consultant gets disciplined or some retraining so they don't say stuff like that to anyone else. No woman should be spoken to like that in labour. angry

123bananas Tue 03-Oct-17 14:02:33

12 weeks is really early days in your beginning to come to terms with this. Take the future pressure out of the equation, no one has rights to touch you anywhere you don't wish to be touched and that continues indefinitely. If or when you are ready that can be revisited.

I am nearly 4 years on and still have issues with intimacy sometimes, this is ok. If and when you reach the stage that you want to rediscover that then take the time to re-establish a relationship with yourself first before including your partner, less pressure, less fear, less stress.

BarbarianMum Tue 03-Oct-17 14:04:20

I am so sorry. flowers

I clicked on this thread thinking to advise you to have a debrief - I had one for ds2's birth (went from all fine one moment to rapid intervention) and found it very useful - but reading your OP I'm not sure how helpful it would be. Really you need to know why you weren't listened to and maybe some counselling/treatment for PTSD. sad

I think you might want to contact the birth trauma association as a starting point and go back and see a different and hopefully more sympathetic GP. Also consider whether you'd like to make a complaint about how youve been treated. If so, contact PALS.

Birth is an uncertain process, neither of mine went to plan. But I was well treated, listened to and supported through both. Everyone deserves that.

MGKROCKS Tue 03-Oct-17 14:07:46

My eldest is 20.. I could of wrote yr post word for word..except I had an episiotomy with no pain relief ,and she stitched me up after with no pain relief either.i was screaming and stirrups .she said,I've no time to wait for pain relief to work I've a rush on..pls do complain,I wished to god I had

PumpernickleInaWarehouse Tue 03-Oct-17 14:07:49

Im scared what this will do to my relationship also.

TheLegendOfBeans Tue 03-Oct-17 14:10:33

Fuck that. I'm angry on your behalf. Too many of these threads nowadays.

Straight off: please PLEASE contact the Birth Trauma association. Please. Speaking to a trained professional is step 1.

Step 2: get in touch with PALS at your hospital. State exactly what happened. IF you want a debrief, request a debrief. IF you want to just get closure from sending the letter, say so. IF you want to take it further state your intention to do this and request information on how to take steps.

I am so so so so sorry this happened to you. The NHS blasts the horn about "patient centred care" but when it comes to the maternity pathway and especially in labour the rules do not apply.

Speaking up will at least show that there are folk working in that hospital that need a prompt lesson in how to act properly in a clinical emergency... one that could have been avoided.

Good luck OP. I'm sorry you've been through this. Don't underestimate the impact your experience has had. The BTA will help you re the relationship with DH as well, or at least point you in the right direction.

Just look after yourself flowers

RoryItsSnowing Tue 03-Oct-17 14:14:00

I really feel for you, it sounds horrendous. I don't have any advice as it's not something I've faced fortunately but I hope all the links from lots of other posters are of some use. flowers

PumpernickleInaWarehouse Tue 03-Oct-17 14:17:33

Thank tou so much for understanding.
I am so so angry at what she said about dying in c sections....what if later on they had decided that actually I needed it, imagine how scared I would have been?
They knew I had tokophobia, they knew my baby would be big.
They knew i felt violated and had similar feelings to being assaulted if i had to have internal examinations. For my own personal reasons.
They knew this all.
I fucking hate them for making me do this.
I dont think i can ever have sex now.
Im 29 and i feel like theyve fucked my life.
Also can't have any more children.

zzzzz Tue 03-Oct-17 14:18:11

It can get better.

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