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Burger Boy Delivery - Part 1(19 Posts)
In March 2016, I was due to have my 3rd, and I had been through all the discussions about not being able to have a home birth after a C-section during the pregnancy - when I got caught out..................................
I was heavily pregnant, due to finish work in a weeks time, move house a week later, then no 3 was due 2 weeks later. No 3 clearly hadn't read my project plan for these activities because he jumped the queue and came all of a sudden at 35 weeks.
Here's what happened:
So I pick up my 5 year old daughter along with her bike from school about 4pm and get on the bus to town about 4.20pm. My husband works in town so I planned to get the car from him, pick up no 2 from nursery and bring kids home as daddy was working late. Daddy had left his mobile at home (of all days) so I rang him on his work phone about 4.50pm and we agreed he would meet me at the bus stop. The traffic in town was bad and for some reason the bus dropped us off at the bus station instead of usual stop. My daughter was desperate for a poo. As I step off the bus, I feel a big twang in my tummy and all of a sudden my legs are very wet!!! I assumed I peed myself. So I take my daughter into the toilets. I tried not to look down as didn't want to know if pee was trailing behind me. The bloody toilets were those turnstile ones so there I am, holding a kids bike, heavily pregnant with daughter telling me she is desperate for a poo and I am trailing pee, trying to find a bloody 20p in my bag. It's not easy to get through those turnstile things heavily pregnant with a bike! So I sort her out and she thinks it's hilarious that I have wet myself. As we come out of the bus station I am frozen to the spot clinging onto my daughters shoulder with a rather uncomfortable feeling!!! A lovely lady came over and asked me if I needed some help so I explained I needed to find my husband. She helped my daughter on her bike down the road towards where daddy should be whilst I looked about for him and kept ringing his work number as I assumed he given up looking for us and gone back to work. I couldn't get hold of him. By now, I am thinking this is bloody horrible irritable bowel (I do suffer from it) and I am pretty certain after a big poo I will be fine. I ring my mum who leaves straight away but she hits rush hour. I eventually get hold of my husband and he runs from work to us and relieves the kind lady (Kelly). I was desperate to get away from the busy street and I was so relieved that I no longer had to look after my daughter. By this stage, I am doing the 3 step jig with my eyes nearly shut to help regulate my breathing like I did with my first birth. The only place that I could think would be open that would have a loo was McDonald's so I left my husband and daughter, clutching my phone, and I shuffle with my eyes half shut down the street to McDonald's. I assumed my husband was handing my daughter to my dad when he arrived and my husband would be following me to McDonald's - oh no, he decides it is probably a false alarm so pootles off to pick up no 2 from nursery. So I walk into McDonald's and i make a dash for the disabled toilet which is next to the counter. It must be about 5.30 now. I go into the toilet still expecting a big poo to shift this unpleasant feeling - I walk in, strip off my boots, trousers and under garments (!!) and take a pew. Panic!!!! The poo does not shift it and I can see blood. I assumed I was losing the baby so I walked back out into McDonald's with no clothes on my bottom half and stand at the counter.........
Burger Boy Delivery - Part 2
So I am stood there, naked from the waist down, to the the left of the queues of customers. For a brief moment, I consider waiting for the lady to finish serving that customer and then I blurt out "I need an ambulance" rather loudly. The lady behind the counter looked surprised and for a brief moment, just stared at me, It was probably only half a second, but it felt like ages for me. I think I thought she wasn't taking me seriously (in hindsight, she was just shocked) so I blurted out quite angrily "I AM HAVING A BABY" and then I turned and shuffled back to my disabled toilet comfort. By this stage, it has to be about 5.45 and I am still expecting my husband to join me. I am still doing the 3 step jig with my eyes closed. I don't remember the lovely Mcdonalds ladies coming into my toilet but I knew they were on the phone to 999 staff. I could tell by their voices there were 2 ladies in the toilet with me (I was away in my own little world so couldn't see or speak). I could hear the 999 staff telling the lovely Mcdonalds ladies to put clean towels on the floor and they needed to know my name. I can remember thinking - why do I have a name I have to bloody spell (my married name) because blurting the name was an achievement let alone spelling the bloody thing. I could hear the 999 staff ask whether I was pushing and I surprised myself to find I was firmly nodding. I could hear the 999 staff telling the lovely McDonalds ladies to get me to lay down and before they had a chance to relay the message I was shaking my head - they could tell I can no intention of doing that. The poor Mcdonalds ladies, they must have been worried - the 999 kept insisting I lay down and I was having none of it. I knew what I was doing (I think I had come to terms with the fact this was not a bad bout of Irritable bowl by then!). I think that was when my mum arrived. It wasn't it until I saw her that I realised I was a bit panicky. I just kept thinking I mustn't lose it, I must not panic. I knew if I panicked this was going to be 10 times worse. So as soon as I saw my mum, I launched myself at her, threw my arms around her and kept repeating 'calm me down, mum. calm me down."............................
Birth Story aka Burger Boy
So my mum arrived and I think I was on my knees at this stage. I mumbled to my mum "ask them to leave". For some reason I was worried about offending the lovely McDonald's ladies but in hindsight I bet they were relieved to get the hell out of there. My mum must have been on the phone to the 999 staff because I could hear them ask if she could see the head. Mum answered that she thought she could see the cord - oh shit, had a moment then put it out of my mind. It wasn't long before she realised it was the head (because I wasn't completely dilated she could only see a narrow section of his head which was full of hair). At one stage I heard my mum say " I am just going to wipe you" and I felt something brush against my bum. I was thinking "oh god, I did not need to know that". My poor mum had to wipe my arse!! By the time the first paramedic arrived, I was laying on my side clinging onto the toilet seat (nice!), with my right leg pointing to the ceiling and mum was propping up my leg. What a sight that must have been. It must be about 6.20 now. He was in a first response car so no ambulance to take me to hospital. He kept offering me gas and air which I didn't want. I suppose he was desperate to help in some way and offering gas and air was the only thing he could do. My mum and him were chatting away about how we should call him Ronald McDonald. Inside my head, I was cursing them - I was trying to stay calm and they were interrupting my concentration. Every time a contraction passed, I hissed angrily at them "shut up". In hindsight, they were probably a bit nervous and it must have been an odd situation to find yourself in. In my head I was thinking, right looks like we are doing this, I am going to stand up to get gravity to help move this on" but I gave them no warning so I could hear them frantically trying to get out of my way. At one point, the paramedic was sat on the toilet (lid down!) and I was stood over him gripping his shoulders each time I pushed and I remember him trying to uncurl my fingers because I was hurting him! Then the ambulance turned up with 3 more paramedics - I could hear their voices and the first paramedic said "we aren't going anywhere lads, looks like she is having it here".........
Where is the last part of the story?
I need to know if he was called Ronald?
We need to know if burger boy was named Ronald and is your husband still alive?
This is terrifying and brilliant all at the same time. Please let us know how it ends!
Is there still not a creative writing section yet?
If you google ops name you can get part 4
Best birth story ever! I can't find the end though. Please, please post it.
Best birth story ever! I can't find the end though. Please, please post it.
See, I posted twice because I really want the end. It was deliberate. Honest
Arrgggh I so need to here the ending (hopefully it ends with a cute baby pic)
Here is part 4
Burger boy delivered
So there I am in the disabled toilet in McDonald's with my mum and four male paramedics - not exactly the calm and tranquil environment I had planned on in the midwife led unit! After about ten minutes of me pushing, some one explained that baby's head looks like it was going in and out and they wondered whether they should get me to hospital. So I grunted something about taking me after the next push. They said they would put me on the trolley to take me out - I didn't realise there was a bloody great trolley in the doorway. So they get me on the trolley and wheel through the packed queuing area. I have no relocation whether I was flashing me bits and I couldn't have cared by that stage but hopefullly some one covered me up so as not to put the customers off their food! I could hear lots of voices and then felt the cool breeze so I knew we were outside. I didn't even realise that my mum wasn't in the ambulance - she had illegally parked her car so went to retrieve it. I suppose she thought she would meet me at the hospital to see baby born but I decided to give one massive push just as we were pulling up outside the hospital at 6.45pm. A young paramedic with a university logo on his shirt handed my baby (5lbs 13 oz). It is amazing how one minute I could not see or speak and the next minute I said to the paramedics "bloody hell lads, what the fuck happened there". After all that, it was such a shame my mum missed his birth. 60 seconds after he was born, they opened the doors to the ambulance and there stood my husband. My husband said "alright" as if he was saying hi to some old school friend he didn't know that well in the street. I was like "he's here, I've had the baby" and he said "yeah, I can see". I had probably been through the most dramatic hour and half in my life and hubby looked pretty casual about it all. (He didn't seem too distraught he missed it but I bet he wished he'd missed seeing the trauma of those fuckin stitches. Oh my god - I have never felt pain like it. Way worse than any birth). So baby Dominic (not fucking Ronald or McDonald) was born and to be honest I was lucky it was a pretty quick and easy birth as they go. His birth certificate says "born on way to maternity unit". In hindsight, I should have stayed at McDonald's to deliver him so I could get free burgers for life!!!
OP that's amazing, congratulations and well done!!
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