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Positive first birth stories please

(53 Posts)
GardenDreamer Tue 12-Sep-17 17:27:32

Hello! I'm 40 years old and expecting our first child late November.
I am nervous of the pain but more scared of not doing the birth well. My husband is wonderful and has no preconceived ideas or opinions on how I'll manage, it's all in my head, but what if I panic and what if I become a monster (?!)
In a weird way I'm looking forward to the birth - I suppose I don't know yet how bad it'll be.
Aside from the pain, here's what I'd like to be in the (possibly changeable, unpredictable circumstances): stoical, brave and flexible to the options and ideally keeping a grip on some level of calm, but knowing myself, I'm dreading being: panic-stricken, a pest, horrible to my husband (unintentionally of course) and making a scene... basically although I'm a friendly, calm woman, I'm scared I'm going to turn into the girl in the Exorcist. Agh! I just can't predict what the pain will do to me.
I'm always incredibly calm and composed in the dentists chair and I've had 3 painful root canal treatments (don't shout at me, I know the dentists is NOT the same!!) so maybe I might have some modicum of ability to cope with some pain, but I'm scared of the feeling of exhaustion and fear I guess...
We start NCT classes tomorrow (hooray!!!) and I cannot wait actually! That may help.

I read loads of positive birth stories but they are generally from second births, often (understandably) referencing how good the second birth was in comparison to the first panic-ridden, problematic first... (agghhh!)
So - any positive stories from first births much appreciated please.
Thank you!!! smile

olderandnowiser Tue 12-Sep-17 17:39:28

My first child's birth was difficult in the sense that, although one prepares oneself, the whole experience is so unlike anything else one will ever experience. It is truly a mixture of pain and intense happiness.
I don't know what else to say really other than I wish you all good things for your impending delivery and parenthood.

orangeowls Tue 12-Sep-17 17:46:35

I just want to tell you that unfortunately I did become that crazy woman but in the end it really doesn't matter. The Midwifes are wonderful and non judgemental angels. I disgraced myself in so many ways but they were amazing and they made me feel like I wasn't being a complete head case. Don't worry about how you deal with it all, they have seen everything and they know exactly what to say to get you through it.

Yogagirl123 Tue 12-Sep-17 17:56:46

Good luck OP, try not to stress and remember to breathe, I have had two DS, both of their births were way easier than I expected, of course it hurts, but I didn't find it unbearable, I didn't need any drugs or gas & air, I was quite open to anything available, no point in being a martyr. But I honestly, found it ok. DH was amazed as I haven't got a particularly high pain threshold! I actually found DS2 birth more painful, but I think that was due to the fact it was so much quicker, but still had a natural delivery. Once baby has arrived, none of it matters anyway.

user1481406249 Tue 12-Sep-17 17:58:42

I am normally quite a vocal person and swear a lot (I blame on the job I do as I never used to swear so much) but when the contractions got going I went quiet and said (groaned more like) a few "goodness me" etc 😳. My other half found this quite amusing. Then when I had the epidural I was happy as can be and even had a little nap. They asked me to stop pressing the magic button (pain relief) a little while before the birth to allow me to feel the contractions (no pain) but just so they knew when to tell me to push. The only bit that did sting a bit was when his head crowned 😵. But after that all good. Baby in my arms and then they stitched me up which again due to the epidural I didn't feel. It was the weeks after whilst my stitches healed. My OH bought me a rubber ring to sit on (kiddies swimming aid) and it was the best £5 ever spent and I loved him more for that than my engagement ring that cost a lot more!!! 😂. Good luck. You'll be fine x

museumum Tue 12-Sep-17 18:00:00

I can't recommend ante natal yoga enough. I went to two different Ines every week. I used yoga breathing throughout and was very calm (possibly totally stoned on g&a grin)

museumum Tue 12-Sep-17 18:00:40

Oh and a tens machine. Brilliant thing! Hire one for about £30.

DrG13 Tue 12-Sep-17 21:39:11

My first birth was great. More painful than I could ever have imagined, but I got through it. I managed with just a bit of gas and air, and no stitches. There were times when I panicked, as is totally natural with that level of pain and during an unfamiliar and overwhelming experience, but the inevitability of the process, and the pain, kind of forces you to live in the moment. I was mildly abrupt to midwives and my husband, but nothing terrible or unforgivable. It was a textbook birth and my body did what it was meant to and everyone was tired and overwhelmed by the end of it, but absolutely fine. I read Juju Sundin's Birth Skills and used some of the techniques in that to help me cope with pain. You can't know what your birth will be like or how your body and mind will react, but women get through it one way or another and are generally OK once they've had time to recover. Try to think positively if you can. You will be fine. Good luck!

tealandteal Tue 12-Sep-17 22:16:58

I had my first 6 weeks ago and it was nothing like I expected! More a feeling of pressure than pain but my waters didn't break until he came out. Agree with pp, a Tens machine is amazing, I used that then went in the pool then used the tens machine again when I had to come out to be monitored. 8 hours from 1st contraction to birth and I can hardly remember it now! We did an active birth and labour class, would definitely recommend.

Ojoj1974 Tue 12-Sep-17 22:21:38

1st- text book 12 hr labour . 6 at home and 6 in a birthing centre.
Gas and air only. Water birth
Whopping 10.2lb baby
No stitches or tears
Felt amazing!!

mummmy2017 Tue 12-Sep-17 22:28:57

Honest your going to do fine, nature just takes over, and your going with the flow of things, babies can't read, so the nice calm plan you made for all the things to remember, little laugh here, yeah that didn't happen, we forgot the music cd, the bag with all that in sat in MY car not his, I didn't want to sit up as was comfy, but him being helpful, added pillow forward I went up came lunch.... had a bath, ooh nice bath, warm bath, sod off I am not getting out of this bath...
Watched last episode of TV show, oh it hurts a bit now... nurse.. oh your 10cm, up we go, 60 mins later , I have a daughter.. and the baby grow is too small, the next size is too big,, but so so happy to see my child safe and well who cares he is a mess and crying, ....

Athrawes Tue 12-Sep-17 22:33:33

I was an older mother too. Apparently we over think. I did. Try to come to terms, ahead of time, that you can't be in control of everything. However it goes, if you need pain relief, caesarean, epidural - focus on the end goal. This is the one time when the destination is actually more important than the journey.

BastardTart Tue 12-Sep-17 22:43:34

Both my births have been good, positive experiences. Yes, contractions hurt but you get a break in between them -so 20 seconds of pain followed by a minute or two of no pain, then another contraction, then no pain. So its not continuous and you have a chance to catch your breath and recover. And you know that the pain is leading somewhere, so it was almost exciting for me when they became more frequent as i knew id be holding my baby soon...Plus gas and air is amazing stuff and had me giggling though every single contraction!

Id also recommend doing some ante natal yoga classes, you'll go through breathing, positions to ease pain during early labour through to positions during active labour. It really helped me when i was giving birth as i knew a couple of different positions to try and a few of them worked miracles for me.

Demilouise96 Tue 12-Sep-17 22:50:12

My experience of giving birth was smooth as can be. I had to be induced I got induced around half 1 in the afternoon and he wa where at 21:14 I was full of pain killers I had been taking them most of the day from the midwife contractions started and before I knew I was 7cm dilated I managed to walk down to labour suit and within an hour he was here if I went to have another baba and knew I would have the same birth I'd do it all again it was a breeze obviously some bits were sore but not a lot and that was with two puffs of gas and air which I hated as it made me feel sick and like I was floating smile but I suppose all births are different

SuperBeagle Tue 12-Sep-17 22:54:01

My first and fourth births were my "best" ones. Numbers two and three were the ones who were more difficult because of their positioning (one posterior, and one whose shoulder got stuck - fortunately before the head was out, so they didn't have shoulder dystocia).

9 days overdue, 10 hours from first contraction to baby. Basically a textbook birth. I think the thing that shocked me the most was how much I was shaking before labour really got started and afterwards. The adrenaline that courses through your body is really strange. It took a while for the shaking to bugger off after I had the baby.

rider1975 Tue 12-Sep-17 22:54:39

Very helpful and informative thread. I'm 42, 16 weeks and curious. Just started antenatal yoga

CorSie Tue 12-Sep-17 23:17:50

I had my first baby last year, the day after my 30th birthday!!

I was always under the impression I would never have a baby. I never felt very maternal and couldn't understand why anyone would want to experience such pain lol but having my daughter was the scariest but most amazing experience and I wouldn't change it for the world.

I ended up being induced at 39 weeks as they were concerned she was too small (she was actually 5lbs 9oz when born and was absolutely perfect) I was absolutely terrified. I was so scared of the pain that I practically begged everyone I come across to get me the epidural as soon as possible, but in the end I had only gas and air. The pain was pretty much as I expected. I felt like my insides might follow the baby on the way out lol. The midwives kept delaying me getting the epidural and in the end managed to talk me out of having it and as pissed off as I was at the time, I was so glad that I had managed to do something that I was 100% convinced was never going to happen!

I had the pessary at 4.30pm and by 5.52pm the following day, I was holding my perfect baby. I was worried about becoming a total evil bitch with the pain but both my partner and my mom were surprised at how well mannered I managed to be in-between screaming the place down lol.

At one point I was telling everyone I couldn't carry on as I thought baby wasn't coming out and I was demanding a C-section and the midwife laughed and told me to feel as my daughters head was already out! A few more pushes and it was all over and I couldn't quite believe that I had done it all!

I definitely recommend taking a big bottle of water in with you and some lucozade sport for the energy! I thought the midwife said normal lucozade, which was a huge mistake as it made me throw up lol just what you need as the pain is kicking in!

CorSie Tue 12-Sep-17 23:21:08

I also managed to come away with no stitches and no tears. I only had 2 small grazes. I know it's not the same for everyone but listening to the midwives guidance along with listening to your own body really does help smile

GardenDreamer Tue 12-Sep-17 23:21:38

Hi Rider1975, wishing you well!

Kittykat93 Tue 12-Sep-17 23:57:02

Watching this thread as due on 8th November and also wanting to hear about some positive births grin

GardenDreamer Wed 13-Sep-17 07:25:02

Ah, it'll be great Kittykat93!! I'm due at the end of November.... it'll be great smile

Wolfiefan Wed 13-Sep-17 07:28:49

My first birth (both were great!) was awesome!
I gave birth in the birthing pool about two and a half hours after arriving at hospital.
Can't recommend tens (to start with) then water later on enough. It helped soooo much. Baby was back to back so my back hurt.
And if you do make lots of noise? So? It's nothing the midwives haven't seen or heard before. Do and say what you need to. (Maybe avoid punching anyone!!)
See how it goes. Don't make a rigid plan. Breathe!!
Good luck.

savagehk Wed 13-Sep-17 07:43:42

I can heartily recommend hypnobirthing.

My first labor wasn't great, but it was ok, my second was fantastic. If you can, consider a doula.

The problem with my first labor was I didn't want to communicate with the midwives, so I ended up letting things happen that I'd rather not have had, and not asking any questions (questions may have resulted in a more active labor and managing to turn my back to back baby, but as it went no one told me he was back to back until very late in when he was distressed).

Your partner probably won't know as much about birth as you, and so won't be as able to discuss with the midwives as a doula. Often in labor choices are presented to you as "we are going to" or "we need to" rather than "because xyz we recommend abc, or we can do..." and having someone on hand with both a bit of birth experience and knowing your preferences really helps (here you never tend to see the same midwife, so it's hard to build up a relationship).

BroomstickOfLove Wed 13-Sep-17 08:07:25

When I read that your fear is of "not doing the birth well" that sets off big alarm bells for me. The thing about birth is that you can set up the circumstances beforehand to make it as likely as possible that things will go well, but after that, you just have to go with happens. And there isn't really a bad way to do birth, only bad experiences. So a woman who shouts and screams and swears in labour isn't doing birth wrong- she's probably doing exactly what she needs to have the most effective birth for her. It's a bit like sex - some people are noisy, some people are quiet, but noise levels aren't what makes for a good or bad experience.

I had a really good first birth. I was at home, and I was really calm the whole time, and it was lovely, but with my second baby it was wild and intense and I was completely out of control and that was even better, and my friend had a fantastic first birth with induction and an epidural, and another friend had a great planned caesarian.

The this that makes the most difference is probably being treated with care and respect, and being able to behave in the ways that are most natural to you.

So my advice is to think about what sort of things make you feel safe and what things make you feel on edge, and set up your birth to have as many of the former and as few of the latter as you can. Think about what you want when you feel really ill.

In my case, I need to have a place where I can hide, somewhere that's warm and dark, and peaceful without people talking to me, and without me having to talk, with soft things around me, and with someone touching me but only sometimes.

What you need might be completely different.

I would recommend hypnobirthing or natal hypnotherapy, and pregnancy yoga classes often have good birth preparation stuff, too.

ExCoffeeAddict Wed 13-Sep-17 08:14:12

Hi op I have a really good birth story my dd is 2 now.
I felt labour was like an intense exercise class...I kept telling myself it will be over eventually!!
I was actually high risk and monitored thru ghoul but that didn't mean I had to lie flat on a bad I was on all 4s with dh rubbing my back and I would recommend a wet flannel pressed to your head.
I didn't want to be that shout lady either I told dh I'd give him cues so if I raised my hand I was asking him to please stop rubbing by back for now but if I said 'ok' he can carry on. Poor guy was on high alert for 6 hours but it worked we were very calm.

My labour was 6.5 hours and I had gas and air
I did meditation beforehand and listened to chill out cds but when I was actually in the zone I wanted silence

Good luck. Remember what will be will be worth it whatever

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