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Can't decide whether or not to get DM out for week of birth

(7 Posts)
feesh Tue 21-Mar-17 04:42:26

We live overseas and I am scheduled for an ELCS. We already have twins who are in pre school.

My Mum has been dropping hints about coming out to help for ages now and she's even rearranged a holiday so she's free around my due date.

I've never actually asked her to come out and I'm in two minds about having her here. She's been emailing me with flight options this week, so I need to make my mind up.

She came out when the twins were born and she was absolutely brilliant - waited on us hand and foot, understood my new mum neuroses and was supportive in just the right way.

We do, however, normally have a strained relationship, especially now the kids are older and she can be a bit snappy with them. She also tends to ignore them a bit - she's not a playful grandma - she'd rather sit there on her iPad doing jigsaw games all the fucking time. I also don't think one of my twins in particular likes her very much (but she's very sensitive and may be picking up on the tensions) as she goes very quiet and moody when she comes out to visit, and perks up again once she has gone home. She's also very slapdash in the way she does everything, which really winds me up - e.g. she washed my daughter's hair really badly (I know this sounds weird!) but she rinsed the shampoo for about 3 seconds and didn't bother with conditioner, and it ended up all sticky and stuck together and I had to wash it again just to be able to get a brush through it! It's little things like that where she's kind of helpingnothelping.

If she comes out, it would be nice to have an extra pair of hands with the twins. I will probably be in hospital for 4 or 5 days. My husband will be doing the bulk of the childcare and we also very luckily have a nanny, who is normally 9-5 but will be living in for the week of the birth.

But she won't drive out here, so that is one major area where we could have used help but we won't have that (it's not a major issue; we will just keep the kids off preschool for a week and they will miss a few activities). I don't know if I trust her fully to keep the kids entertained for the whole week at home though. Playing outside won't be an option, as it will be too hot by then. And because she can be snappy with them, I don't actually feel great about her being left alone with them.

She WILL be great about doing loads of cooking and looking after me though, which would be nice, but equally we will survive without her.

My husband will have one or two weeks off work after the birth.

Argh, I really am in two minds about this! I kind of feel like I owe it to her after she was so great last time, to give her this chance to see her grandchildren, especially with a new arrival. But we will all be going to the UK to visit anyway when the baby is 6 weeks old (flights are already booked). And she last saw us at Christmas.

I can't decide what to do!

Orangedaisy Tue 21-Mar-17 04:55:00

What do DH and the nanny think? If you're in hospital it's them she will wind up, not you...

feesh Tue 21-Mar-17 05:07:51

Good point. Nanny won't mind either way, although I will have trouble accommodating both of them as we only have 1 spare bed.

I haven't broached it with DH yet, I kind of wanted to get my own opinions straight first. But I will today at some point.

nightswimming1 Thu 23-Mar-17 11:24:51

If you have a nanny and your DH I suspect adding your slightly difficult mum into the mix will be too many cooks...

nursebickypegs Sun 26-Mar-17 05:39:44

I think with DH at home and the Nanny at home, you have plenty of support and don't need anymore. Could you suggest she comes at a later date like 6 weeks on or something?

feesh Sun 26-Mar-17 06:14:28

We are flying back to the U.K. for a holiday when the baby is 6 weeks old anyway. So she'll see loads of us then. I've kind of left the ball in her court for now - said the first week we don't have a bed for her and if she wants to come after that, it would only be REALLY useful if she is prepared to drive - she said she'd think about it. I don't think she will drive over here so hopefully that will put an end to the martyrdom idea.

nursebickypegs Sun 26-Mar-17 14:51:22

Good luck @feesh!

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