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HELP. Im thinking of having an Elective C Section...mentally scarred after last natural birth. Any advice?

(23 Posts)
jlou2015 Wed 15-Mar-17 19:32:00

I had a natural birth last year and I didnt dilate more than 1 cm. So I just had to push him out and rip. Yes I ripped and lost blood galore.... I checked myself in as I was feeling a pushing naturally like baby was going to come every few minutes. The staff were not willing to let me in as I didnt fit the guidelines of dilation. But when they saw me crying as I was so uncomfortable they had to let me in. That night they had a bed and I begged for help and I was told I had nothing to worry about and was put in a room alone in distress and my partner sent home. I told them to drug me because I could handle this pain. So I fell asleep in a searingly hot room and the next day I got into the birthing suite and after many hours gave birth and didnt dilate still and the staff were saying wait you will and I said i have an urge to push its not a choice as anyone in labour knows you feel pressure pull down. I tore badly. It was so uncomfortable honestly more.mentally than pyshically I couldnt scream it was sore and just horrible. I lost a lot of blood and was to have a blood transfusion but I couldnt take more time in hospital. They stiched me well. Very well its unnoticeable but mentally I still harbour that uncomfortability I couldnt get through a smear without nearly fainting. I now think perhaps I shpuld have a C Section but Im scared. What happens. Is the scsr to high. I also wont have help at gome except my boyfroends fornight paternity leave. Shpuld I go au naturale and lets face it Im unlikely to dilate or just be brave and have a ECS. Help????confused

Brussels1 Wed 22-Mar-17 22:59:07

I'm sorry you had to go through all that but the recovery time for a c section is a lot longer and it's a lot harder especially if your boyfriend is back to work in 2 weeks, you will still be in recovery. I would just really think about it and talk to your midwife.

BabyHamster Wed 22-Mar-17 23:01:31

I didn't even know it is possible to give birth if you don't dilate. Did you have a birth debrief so they could explain what happened and why?

mikado1 Wed 22-Mar-17 23:04:11

My friend did this, it was the only way she'd have a second child. She felt completely in control and loved having her baby, feeding him and her whole maternity leave was different because of the positive experience second time. For her recovery didn't even come into it, she simply wouldn't have been able to get into that situation again (24h + Labour, waters gone but not much dilation, pushing but no luck, baby pushed back up and emergency section.)

megletthesecond Wed 22-Mar-17 23:09:35

Sorry you had such a rough birth flowers. Do you know why you didn't dilate? Have you had a birth debrief to clarify how labour progressed?

mineofuselessinformation Wed 22-Mar-17 23:10:57

I think you need to ask for a birth debrief, OP.
The situation you describe would mean your cervix was badly torn.
The debrief should help you understand things better and be able to make a choice about your next birth. flowers

LastMangoInPeckham Wed 22-Mar-17 23:16:12

I had ECS for DC2 (and 3) after a difficult and traumatic birth with DC1.

It was a really positive experience and the longer recovery period (physical) was completely offset by the benefits of feeling in control and safe during delivery. It enabled me to enjoy my pregnancy without fear of the birth process and my memories of the birth itself are lovely.

Ultimately you need to do what is right for you, and your midwife will no doubt explore the different options. I know that my second birth experience was much more positive both physically and psychologically, not once have I regretted having a ECS.

Good luck flowers

SunnySideDownUp Wed 22-Mar-17 23:31:08

I had a traumatic birth with dd1, resulting in a 3rd degree tear, incontinence and pain. I had an elcs with dd2 and it was amazing. The birth was lovely and calm, i was relaxed and happy. I recovered quickly and relatively painlessly. It was a much easier and pain free recovery than my first labour.

NeverTwerkNaked Wed 22-Mar-17 23:36:28

It might be worth getting in touch with the birth trauma association. I have birth trauma /ptsd and know I would not be able to go through another natural birth (and I have previous experience of an emergency c-section which I have only positive memories of)

NeverTwerkNaked Wed 22-Mar-17 23:37:56

Here you are:

You deserve non- judgmental support from people who understand how severe the mental impact can be

Best wishes

Bue Wed 22-Mar-17 23:55:27

Op sorry you had such a rough time. I would also suggest asking if there is a birth debrief service, usually a midwife will sit down and go through your notes with you to give some clarity about what happened and how it might affect your next birth. It sounds like you had a very long, tough early labour (hence being 1 cm for so long) and then probably dilated extremely quickly at the very end, which can be quite traumatic. Best of luck.

ElisavetaFartsonira Thu 23-Mar-17 22:16:18

The recovery time for a section isn't necessarily a lot harder at all. That's not true. You could quite easily have a VB/attempted VB that is harder to recover from than an ELCS. Not least because you're unlikely to have an EMCS, a forceps delivery or a 4th degree tear if you have an elective!

Agree you need a birth debrief though. This has to be an informed decision. You cant possibly be expected to choose with so little information.

Blackbird82 Thu 23-Mar-17 22:48:19

In many cases the recovery from a c section can be relatively quick. I know several people personally who've had extremely positive birthing experiences having had c sections and a fast recovery, driving and lifting well ahead of 6 weeks.

I also know of several people (myself included) who had very traumatic vaginal births, horrendous tears, stitches, prolapses with a recovery that lasted months....

It sounds like you had a really bad time and if a c section is available to you and it would ease your anxiety and stress then I think you should do it.

Mummyme87 Fri 24-Mar-17 12:51:02

Sorry you had a rough time. I think you need to have a debrief with the hospital you have birth at as it is impossible for a baby to be born vaginally if you didn't dilate past 1cm. Get in touch with your maternity unit and see what they can provide. This will help you get clarity on what happened and why, then help you make a decision about subsequent pregnancies xx

PotteringAlong Fri 24-Mar-17 12:58:19

I agree that you need a debrief because if you were only 1cm dilated then I don't think you could have given birth vaginally - you need someone to explain to you what happened and why.

DirtyDancing Fri 24-Mar-17 21:01:56

Please either ask your midwife to get your notes and give you a birth debrief, or pay to have a private midwife to do one. If you go privately it will cost you between £100-£200 and you will need to request your notes yourself.

I had a 56 hour labour which was traumatic for different reasons. In the end my NHS midwife came to my home one Saturday morning and went through my notes with me. It gave me a complete and quite different understanding of what happened in my first labour. I'm now confident to try for a second natural birth, which I wasn't before. I'm not saying your shouldn't have an ELCS but do it in with complete knowledge of your previous experience and total control over your next birth plan.

Good luck

fluffandsnuff Fri 24-Mar-17 21:15:10

I had an ELCS with DS. I will be trying VBAC with DC2. I know people end up on postnatal wards for all sorts of reasons but I found being on the postnatal ward very hard with midwifes too busy to help with baby and can't be avoided with any type of C Section (although I think some do accelerated discharge now)? I think the debrief idea is great- my hospital also have a birth choices clinic which gives loads of info for you to make your own mind up, might be worth seeing if yours has similar x

LastMangoInPeckham Sat 25-Mar-17 00:25:20

Re the postnatal ward, I was discharged from hospital the next day after section.

Floralnomad Sat 25-Mar-17 00:34:01

I had an awful first delivery , had to stay in for 3 days having blood transfusions and had an Elective section for my second , was out after 2 days and the recovery was very easy . If I could go back I'd have 2 sections definitely.

divadee Mon 27-Mar-17 10:14:26

I had a cervical tear from not dilating properly just 8 weeks ago. Mine was from scar tissue from cervical cancer treatment. The midwives have said to me that if I were to have another (And she advised me because of my age and what happened to actually probably not have another) to go for a c section. So I would speak to a midwife. Problem is if you have had a cervical tear (And they are extremely rare my home birth midwife had never seen one and she's been a midwife since 1991) then more scar tissue can build up and the same happen again. Go for the c section and enjoy your birth and baby.

ElisavetaFartsonira Mon 27-Mar-17 10:35:05

Agree birth choices clinic might be useful, but do approach with caution OP. In too many cases, it's very misleadingly named, and is actually intended to persuade you into attempting VB. Some choices being more valid than others. Not always. But enough.

TipBoov Mon 27-Mar-17 10:40:24

I had an elective csection after a traumatic first birth. I was nervous about the recovery, and it was difficult, but much much easier than the natural birth.. i was very lucky and recovered very very well, but it's not the case for everyone.

Mentally I found the section better - i had a date to work to, i was able to ensure the house was tidy, food cupboards stocked etc and i was well rested and so i was in a much better position to look after the baby than i was after a long labour.

As long as you keep on top of pain relief (keep taking the painkillers on schedule, don't wait for the pain!) And your partner can pass you the baby for night feeds, you' ll be fine. I was doing the school run after a week.

WantToGoingTo Mon 27-Mar-17 11:50:53

I would definitely recommend a debrief.

I had a similar birth to yours by the sounds of it - urge to push before fully dilated. I had 3hours of 'not pushing' even though v strong contractions and urge to push. It was agony. I also tore v badly lost loads of blood and had blood transfusions. I also had to have stitches removed after 10 days as they didn't dissolve and a remedial operation at 3 months due to overgrowth of scar tissue. I also had to have physio for 6 months due to a prolapse. I wasn't in a good place mentally so I completely understand. I felt abnormal and it took me a while to get over the fact that things would never be the same down there again.

But then I had a debrief where they went through my notes and I understood why it all happened, that it wasn't my fault (I was convinced I pushed too hard therefore my fault) and it really helped me recover mentally.

I am ttc number 2 now and will have a natural birth again though have been told I would have the option of an elcs. My gynaecologist told me likelihood is I will tear again but because I tore so extensively last time it will be very small as there will not be one 'weak point'. She said should I have had an episiotomy or a tear in one place then tearing again would probably be bad. So I am going to chance it. As although it was a horrific time for me but the thought of major surgery, not being able to pull my baby up from under me (had a water birth), bright lights and 6 weeks with no driving persuades me to do it again.

We are strong women and we can cope. Get hold of your notes and find out really what happened and why. My mum is an obstetrician and she says that 99% of awful births are due to position of the baby so there is no reason why you would have the same experience again. But weigh up the options as if the birth is causing you great stress then having an elcs and control over the situation may be the best thing for you.

Good luck

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