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Childbirth

How much does it really hurt?

100 replies

Hellloooooo · 09/03/2017 16:28

I'm 28, married, DH and I are thinking of children.

I am in love with the idea of a family. I am good with kids and have always wanted my own. But there is one thing holding me back, and it's birth.

I'm terrified of the pain. So terrified.

I've heard so many people say it is the most painful experience ever, etc. My mum says it will always be absolutely worth it. I am just so scared!

Can I get some honest realistic opinions, please, on how much it really hurts before I scare myself further into never having children! Thank you.

OP posts:

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JacquelineChan · 09/03/2017 16:34

I didn't have a baby until i was 38 partly because of the fear of childbirth. let me tell you in my personal experience i only found it 7/10 painful , having most monthly periods at a 9 or 10/10.
I had no pain relief not even gas and air and labour was quick with no complications and no stitches cuts or tears.
However that is my personal experience , of course there will be women at the other end of the scale.
I am just putting it out there because you may hear lots of horror stories but there are good births too !

JacquelineChan · 09/03/2017 16:35

disclaimer : i'm not pushing my luck with a second child !

fruityb · 09/03/2017 16:36

My contractions hurt like a mofo - felt like hot wire around my thighs and hips. Worse than period pain. Birth had an EMCS so didn't hurt at all and recovery after was manageable.

I've forgotten the whole lot though - once they gave him to me it was a distant memory. It is scary but I don't know if anyone can prepare you as some people could stand naked on the top of a mountain screaming "come on this is awesome!!" And others want all the pain relief. You roll with it, it's worth it.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 09/03/2017 16:37

This is going to sound weird but bear with me.

It does hurt yes, but it's not a bad pain. You know when you go over on your ankle and it goes crunch and you feel sick because it's just so wrong and you are broken.

Childbirth pain is different.because it's not a.pain that's telling.you that something is horribly wrong with your body, and because of that it is much more bearable.

PoisonousSmurf · 09/03/2017 16:38

I won't lie. It does hurt a lot. BUT, you do forget about it. The worst part was having to have an operation as I had a 3rd degree tear. The stitches were agony and I only remember that pain.

AuntiePenguin · 09/03/2017 16:38

It varies a lot. For some people it's fine, for some it's painful but manageable, for some it's too much pain to cope with.

There are a lot of options for pain relief, and you could also have a planned Caesarian.

So I wouldn't write off having children because of the possibility of pain: get pregnant, then research hypnobirthing (it will help you prepare/get a positive outlook for the birth) and your pain relief options.

rainbowdash888 · 09/03/2017 16:39

I don't think many people will be able to tell you it doesn't hurt. It does but it's entirely worth it and in most cases you will forget the details of the pain.

remember you are entitled to pain relief such as an epidural if you are not coping with the pain - don't let this fear stop you from ttc

Daffydil · 09/03/2017 16:39

It does hurt. But there are pain relief options. And it has a very definite end. And by the end of it you are sort of distracted anyway

I'm a massive wuss when it comes to pain. Really. But with No2 I only had gas and air for the last 4 minutes. And then 20 mins of stitches . Gas and air is the best thing. Ever. Worth having a baby for

inthekitchensink · 09/03/2017 16:40

Have an epidural and get your birth plan to highlight that and get a consultant led birth signed off for anxiety. That helped me.

NSEA · 09/03/2017 16:40

Contractions are soo painful. Worst pain ive experienced and I ended up taking any drug offered to me. However, IMPORTANTLY you forget all about it as soon as its over. It is literally a few hours of agony for so much joy after. Do not let childbirth be the reason to hold you back.

NSEA · 09/03/2017 16:40

Epidural definitely x

Sleepsleepnomore · 09/03/2017 16:42

it really varies - I've had worse pain outside of childbirth. I had an epidural with dc1, so that didn't hurt, I did dc2 with gas & air and it was totally fine. I am terrified of pain too, and that's why I had the epidural first time but second time I was already quite far advanced when I got checked and the pain level was manageable and I'm a total wimp.

cakeandteajustforme · 09/03/2017 16:42

I third the epidural. I dilated too quickly so didn't get around to it, and actually wished I was dead rather than going through it at that moment. But then the moment passed, the baby was born, and I would absolutely do it again. Just with the drugs!

ShowOfHands · 09/03/2017 16:42

I've had two babies. First one was a level of pain I can't describe. It wasn't positive or different pain. It was FUCK I'M DYING pain. Second didn't hurt at all. Not even a cramp.

So, there's a spectrum. There's also a spectrum of pain relief options and they are real and definable. The pain is an unknown I'm afraid.

user1488922437 · 09/03/2017 16:44

I didn't mind contractions as much, gas and air certainly helped! Pushing however...was fucking painful. Entirely worth the pain, and it goes as soon as you hold your perfect little baby!

I didn't have any pain relief whilst pushing as I left it too late to ask! You have plenty of options to help ease the pain and you will feel like a superwoman after!

memyselfandaye · 09/03/2017 16:46

I was induced, the drug they put you on is supposed to make the contractions much more intense, but they were'nt that bad. In three days I only needed half a dose of diamorphine.

I ended up with a c section, the spinal block did'nt hurt either and afterwards I did'nt need any pain relief.

Honestly I've had a tooth absess and dental pain that was much much worse. I would take labour over toothache every time.

PollytheDolly · 09/03/2017 16:46

My mum always told me it's a bearable pain and even if you don't think it at the time, you'll think back on it like that. That's why most have more than one. It is a "natural" pain, rather than a traumatic injury, inflicted pain I guess.

Or.....epidural. No shame in one of them.

PollytheDolly · 09/03/2017 16:47

My worst pain was a severely scratched eye. Now that did bloody hurt!

MrsUnderwood · 09/03/2017 16:47

It is painful but there are lots of pain relief options and I personally found it manageable, what I found incredibly hard was the exhaustion as my first Labour was very long.

Second baby was a C Section because he was breech and I recovered really fast and well.

I can hardly remember the pain now. Once you hold the baby you don't give a rat's ass.

Hellloooooo · 09/03/2017 16:49

This is lovely, thank you all so much! Could you ever look back and think 'why the fuck did I go through all that'? Or do I just not understand the feeling of love?

OP posts:

Hellloooooo · 09/03/2017 16:50

In fact, is there instant love? Like straight away? Can it be described?

OP posts:

Fairylea · 09/03/2017 16:50

I had an elective c section with my second child and I found the whole process much more pleasant than my Vaginal birth - even the recovery was better. At least I could sit down comfortably!

If I could do my first birth over I'd have an epidural as soon as I possibly could.

Saying that, so many people find it not too bad. My sil has had 3 babies and even her first one she was in and out in a few hours. She didn't find it bad at all.

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MargaretCabbage · 09/03/2017 16:52

It does hurt but I found it manageable. The contractions come in waves and I found them okay because I knew they'd subside just like they'd come on, and each one was useful and bringing me closer to the baby. And the gas and air was so brilliant I didn't care about the pain of the birth at all, I was having a lovely time!

I'm not planning to have more children and I'm quite sad I'll never experience birth again because despite any pain I found it a really amazing experience.

All births are different and you never know how it will go, but don't let childbirth put you off if you do want children.

Inadither · 09/03/2017 16:54

Yes it's painful but that pain has a purpose. I found the contractions more painful than the pushing. Keep moving, keep positive. When you're pushing you feel like you're doing something about the pain. Pushing I found to be a relief. A lot of it is about positive mental attitude. Do pregnancy yoga or hypno birthing and don't allow fear in to the birth room. Fear increases pain and the length of labour. Women do this time and time again. I was scared but pushed it out of my head during labour. I look back with fondness and actually enjoyed the birthing experience. What a sense of achievement afterwards!

Quartz2208 · 09/03/2017 16:55

I am not going to lie and say it did not hurt (mine was a 2 hour labour to go from 1cm to birth) but I knew what the pain was so mentally I could cope, when he was born the feeling was euphoric because I had done it and he was born and the pain was over but also because of the love. And no I dont think you do go why did I go that, you know exactly why!

I also agree stitches without any pain relief apart from local anesthetic was harsh and mine took 45 minutes

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