What relaxed you the most?

[lananzack]

Just that really, what relaxed you the most?
I have crippling anxiety and I entirely panicked through my last labour from start to finish. I can manage the pain, I just can't manage the chronic realisation of being out of control of what's occurring.
D-day () is gonna happen any moment now, and I can already feel my panic box building its walls around me. Any techniques that will bring me back to earth on the day?

[wishcarry]

I felt just like you before the birth of my second.
I don't really have any advice I started to cry as they were preparing me for the second c-section
But the team who brought my dd into the world were really great.they saw how upset I was and really reassured me and made me relax.they played soothing music and we're just so kind and sweet.it really put me at ease.
the birth of my second child was a lot easier and less traumatic than the first.because you had a hard birth with the first doesn't mean you will with the second.
try to keep your mind occupied with other things.I'm sure you will be fine

[Littlecaf]

I'm not really a typical earth mother no drugs type (was willing to try anything in my birth plan) but actually having only gas and air in hindsight helped me stay in control. I was too late for an epidural/pethadine etc and as a naive first timer was waiting for the midwife to offer it - they didn't obviously! I could therefore feel it all and yes it was excruciatingly painful, but I was in control.

How about researching all the options, having them all available to you and choosing as you go? You therefore know what they all do and you have control over your choices.

[Littlecaf]

Ps the birthing pool was fab. Definitely relaxed me enough to concentrate on pushing & breathing.

[IrregularCommentary]

Really concentrating on my breathing for me. I went into my own head with each contraction and just breathed through each one. Definitely helped a lot.

[3boys3dogshelp]

My DH
My mum - not for everyone but helped me hugely as I knew she'd been through it and was ok - bonkers but true!! And she and my DH chatted and distracted me a lot.
Tens machine gave me a bit of control of my pain relief, good distraction too
No drugs - I was much calmer in my no drugs labour than when I used gas and air and felt really woozy. For the record I was not planning a drug free birth, I went in expecting An epidural and couldn't be much further from an earth mother if I tried

[camtt]

I found walking through contractions worked. A tip I got from an AS Byatt novel several years earlier and honestly it worked for me. Not so great when the midwife wanted to continuously monitor the baby's heartrate of course!

[Ohyesiam]

Water.
When I read that " the warm water in a birth pool really helps ease the pain of labour"and I was, but it was true, it was relaxing, and the really reduced the pain.
Good luck with it op

[wobblywonderwoman]

Gas.. Loved the gas

[JaneJeffer]

Gas and Air

[HVB79]

Agree with water. And also second labour without G&A I felt much more in control and relaxed (relatively!).
The Juju Sundin birth skills book has some good ideas. I found the stress balls helped a bit. Something else to focus on at least.
Hope second time around is much better for you...

[Notlostjustexploring]

An incredibly sympathetic and chilled midwife who I felt I could trust
Being told the anaesthetist was kicking his heels in boredom and I could get an epidural whenever I wanted
Getting the epidural
The diamorphine in my iv pre emcs
My husband - calm as a cup of water throughout

Probably not that helpful as I was the opposite - accepted it was all out of my control, but terrified of not being able to cope with the pain. Once I had the epidural in place I was as happy as a clam.

[BathshebaDarkstone]

Birth number 4 was my most relaxed because I got the birth I wanted. I had a birthing pool and lavender aromatherapy oil. The warm water helped too, the oil didn't do a thing! I also had gas and air.

[Aliveinwanderland]

Diamorphine. Great stuff.

[Aliveinwanderland]

I have a hospital phobia stemmin around control but actually was completely fine. Your body just takes over and does its thing and you end up just going with it. I didn't like the gas and air as it felt like breathing fog and unneeded fresh air to help with my anxiety so went for the diamorphine. Was only in hospital for less than 12 hours.

[starsinyourpies]

Epidural, could focus on resting then getting baby out without worrying the pain was going to get worse.

[Onedaylikethi5ayear]

Epidural. I was certain I was not going to have one, it was amazing! I was on the oxytocin drip and contractions were constant.

Its one of those situations you can't always control, that scared me, but by thinking that way I felt less anxious.

[Fadingmemory]

Yoga breathing exercises

[Raisinbrain]

I did quite a lot of reading during my second pregnancy which helped so much (my first birth was awful). I specifically tried to read about how birth is a natural process. I would recommend:

Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth
Grantley Dick Read's Childbirth without fear
Marie Mongan's Hypnobirthing

Also Juju Sundin's Birth Skills for really really useful practical tips - I didn't need any pain relief thanks to this book.

[SnugglyBedSocks]

Gas and air.

I was monitored throughout and I found the fact that I was in hospital and being monitored relaxed me as I knew if anything was going wrong it would be picked up quickly.

I would get through a contraction and look at the monitor measuring the baby's pulse and seeing that was ok helped me

[talllikejerryhall]

This amazing drug called meptid, or something like that? Seriously, a shot of that in my bum and I was high as kite!

[lananzack]

I would bloody love to have an epidural, I'm definitely no hero when it comes to pain and drugs - it's just that the idea of not being able to move panics me more than the thought of pain! Lol! So I think that would go a whole lot worse for me.
Diamorphine is sounding like a winner.
Thankyou for all of your stories and suggestions. Also gonna practice some breathing techniques - I just remember it being next to impossible to concentrate on actually breathing calmly last time

[SnugglyBedSocks]

You should be able to move with an epidural. It shouldn't be so dense that you can't.

[1bighappyfamily]

I am absolutely not an Earth Mother. But to my surprise, the thing that relaxes me the most was lavender oil. I had some on a tissue and every time I had a contraction I breathed it in. Delivered on gas and air which definitely helped when the serious bit hit.

Also, at the end of every contraction I thought 'that one's not coming back'

I have generalised anxiety disorder by the way and was terrified.

Good luck!

[1bighappyfamily]

Just to add, I didn't want pethadine or diamorphine as I've had them before in hospital and loathe the feeling of loss of control. One to bear in mind....

[Notlostjustexploring]

Don't write off the epidural because you're worried you can't move btw. I was a little worried about that too. I had a patient controlled epidural, so I had as much or as little I wanted (I was more on the "much" side of the scale!) so I was still able to freely move, albeit tethered to a drip. I was told I could wander about the room if I wanted, there just had to be someone to catch me. I chose to sleep.
I was also impressed with the TENS machine. Took the edge off and gave me something else to focus on. I suppose it gave me an element of control as it was literally in my hands!
Good luck!!