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Help... c section pain and depression..

(19 Posts)
MakiJ Sat 14-Jan-17 06:36:22

Hello  I always rely on Mumsnet when it comes to crisis : this time I'm suffering from postnatal depression mainly caused by the c section I had 3 weeks ago.

The doctor decided to induce me since I was classed as high risk, intervention never worked so ended up with a c section. Basically I went through hell; 10 hours labour then c section, what made worse - me and baby got infection and had to stay in hospital for 7 days, over Christmas.. I was in agony, no time to "enjoy" being a new mum and welcoming my son to the world..

My body now looks like it belongs to someone else I don't even recognise myself, gigantic boobs, black lines, bruises, scars, stitches and looking like 6 months pregnant.. I can't hold my own baby because of the severe pain, when breastfeeding I have to hold him like a rugby ball 

Making me feel like I'm just a failed mum, affecting my body confidence (not that I has a model body before, I never had these damages and pain..)

I expected sleepless nights feeding the baby but I'm suffering from the pain which is mega frustrating I can't do simple duties ; cuddling my own baby and bonding. I'm starting to feel my newborn baby will not know his mum cos someone else (friends and relatives) can do what I can't do, baby seems comfortable in others chests 

Anyway, if anyone has had c section I would like to know how you recovered both mentally and physically..

Any advice / opinions would be appreciated smile

HitMeWithYourRythymStick Sat 14-Jan-17 06:48:25

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. It does get better though.

I had a traumatic experience having my DS 3 months ago. Failed inductions led to emcs and infection for me. And I was basically shooed out of hospital the next day.

I struggled with feeding and could barely sleep due to pain. I found keeping up with the painkillers really helped.

Have you been signed off by your midwife yet? If not, please let them know how you're feeling. It might be that you need looking at. Also she will have come across this many times and will know who can help with regards to you feeling depressed.

I really hope you feel better soon. For me those first four weeks were horrific, but as I started to heal things got better. I now have an amazing bond with my DS and despite still looking like a whale I am back doing everything I was pre c section.

louisejxxx Sat 14-Jan-17 06:53:17

Make sure you speak to the professionals about how you're feeling so that they can try to help rather than just carrying on and pretending everything is ok.

I wish I'd spoken up a bit more after my section with ds...I was only 20 and VERY naive, hadn't really thought about the alternatives if a natural labour didn't happen etc. It left me pretty traumatised for a couple of years after.

TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder Sat 14-Jan-17 07:06:05

flowers for you. Congratulations on your beautiful baby.

I didn't have an infection and was lucky that my wound healed very quickly, but there are definitely things I can relate to in your post and I can promise you it will get better.

I felt exactly the same as you, I did not recognise my own body. It was just so battered and I also gained A LOT of weight during pregnancy. I had a very long labour with several failed interventions culminating in an EMCS so I was dog tired, struggling to get my head round what had just happened to me and trying to establish breastfeeding. C section left me with zero core strength - I couldn't pick my baby up for a long time, she had to be handed to me for feeds. It's so tough, I can't imagine how much harder it is when you're in hospital with an infection too.

When I tried taking her out in the pram for a walk, all I could manage was a painfully slow shuffle to the top of the road and back. I remember thinking that my body was such a mess that it was ruined forever and that I would never get back my mobility or look like my old self again.

7 months on, I feel so much better. Like a different person. I'm still carrying a lot of weight but with breastfeeding well established and baby starting solids I feel the time is right to attack my diet and exercise now without upsetting my milk supply. We're also past the very intense newborn stage so I feel more able to prepare proper meals etc. I can walk briskly again and move freely, run up the stairs. My DD is a chunky monkey and I can carry her no problem.

What you're going through now won't last forever - believe that. I know it feels like this is just the way things are now, but your body is amazing (it just made a whole new person!) and it will heal, it will just take time. Be kind to yourself.

KurlyWurly88 Sat 14-Jan-17 07:06:16

Like the previous poster - also had a crash section, under general anaesthetic after horrible lead up.

You need TIME, a MINIMUM of 6 weeks, but I needed about 12, lol! You are only 3 weeks post natal - be gentle on yourself!

Don't be hard on yourself - Or put pressure on yourself to have 'perfect' bonding time. You are still recovering from major surgery, don't underestimate it!

Take all the cuddles you can from your lovely new baby and don't stress about not being able to 'do it all' how you envisioned, pre-birth. I beat myself up so much that everything wasn't 'right'! You can't help the fact you needed a section!

Your body will get back to 'normal' but with a scar, I'm only getting used to mine 12 months later! Things DO settle and the bruising will fade and stitches will disappear.

It's exhausting and overwhelming, but it's over in a flash!

Take care of yourself (mind and body) x

girlelephant Sat 14-Jan-17 07:55:37

I was lucky with my EMCS and apart from some (manageable) pain I healed well. However I know I was lucky in regard to recovery.

You definitely need to speak to your HV & GP about your mental and physical health, it's so important you are honest.

I also just wanted to say your baby will love you the way he can only love his Mum no matter how you are holding him to BF or to try to cuddle him. Remember before he you as born he knew your voice/heartbeat. Though he sounds like my DS where he also loves cuddles from others too as a newborn which is lovely for giving you breaks and showing him off!

As others have said it will get easier and don't get so hard on yourself, you sound a great Mum

lebkucken Sat 14-Jan-17 08:20:41

Hi, I felt just like this after birth of ds (now 4). My circumstances were similar - crash cs (so wanted natural birth), infection and readmission to hospital. I promise you will feel better and bond with your baby 😀
Things that helped me regarding body image were looking after myself in whatever little way I could. E.g. Epsom salts baths, painting my nails, using a nice face cream, putting make up on or something. Sounds frivolous but it helped me start liking how I looked again. You could try and do gentle yoga type exercises lying down in bed to get your core strength back. Google ones which are safe for post cs. Eventually (around 5 months) i had lost all the baby weight by walking with the pram and bf. Your boobs will settle down (have you got a decent bf bra?)? And it's normal even with a natural birth to still look pregnant for a while after. It's also normal for a newborn to be comfortable being held by others, don't worry, it's not a reflection on how he feels about you.
With the pain- don't refuse the medication you may be offered. This is major surgery and you should be offered pills which are safe for bf. Can you feed the baby lying down?
Talk to your hv or gp if you can. Pnd can be serious and they will be able to help you. Good luck, I bet you are a lovely mummy 😀

HandbagCrab Sat 14-Jan-17 08:34:14

I had a section 3 weeks ago too smile I had an emcs with ds and got an infection a few years ago. It's shit. It takes a while for the bruises, track marks and cannula holes to heal ime. My tummy is still pretty big 3 weeks in. Is your scar healing ok? That's something to keep on top of if it isn't.

My area is prioritising pnd in mental health services and hopefully others are too. I asked my gp for details and self referred when I was pregnant as I was having a difficult time.

Your dc will know you're mum, don't worry smile My dh has done loads for dd that I've not been able to and she still knows who I am. Take care

Penfold007 Sat 14-Jan-17 08:38:27

You've just had major abdominal surgery be kind to yourself. A Csection is the only operation where you don't automatically get time to heal and recover instead you get a tiny, demanding and dependent infant to care for. The rugby ball feeding position is a good one and please, don't worry about not bonding you will and you are. The fact that you worry shows that you are bonding. Speak to your midwife, HV or GP about how you are feeling. It took me six weeks to start feeling myself again and a lot longer to truly recover flowers

Lules Sat 14-Jan-17 08:41:33

I felt like this and my first ever post on mumsnet said something really similar. It gets better.
So there are tons of things going on. Firstly, your body. Yes it will look different now - it's been through a lot! The bruises and stretch marks will fade, you will get less bloated. It might not look exactly the same as before you were pregnant but it will look normal again.
Secondly the pain. You've had major surgery. It hurts. Yes some people are really lucky and recover well. I wasn't one of them. But again it did get better. Take painkillers. Take it easy. Do the minimal amount of housework you can. It doesn't matter if the house is a tip and you're eating ready meals. It's fine.
As for the bonding thing, I think it took me about 6 weeks. Him being able to smile made a huge difference. It isn't like oh you've missed this magic time to bond which has to be done in this way or that's it.
And good luck!

triggy80 Sat 14-Jan-17 08:43:01

Very similar experience here to all of the above. I was (still am) very medically phobic so I had got myself in the zone for a calm and controlled natural water birth. Until it all went wrong! Transferred to hospital, tubes stuck in me then an EMCS. To be honest I was too traumatised by it all to even have that much interest in DS. DP stepped up to the plate and was brilliant with him, something I never expected as he isn't a "baby person". That was such a positive to come from it all when I look back. I was in so much pain for two weeks after, couldn't even get in my own bed, and could only shuffle rather than walk for about four weeks. Then it slowly but surely it just started getting better. I worried about bonding etc but DS saw enough of me and I kept telling myself that he had known me for months when inside so it was his chance to get to know everyone else. At 15 months old now I wish he would cling like mad to someone else!!! Complete mummy's boy! Wishing you all the best, try to enjoy the bits you can but don't stress if there isn't many to start with.

MakiJ Sat 14-Jan-17 12:55:34

smilebiscuitflowers💕🙏🏼 I don't know how to thank every one of you - so kind and I'm grateful for your advice and also sharing your experience flowers

crying my eyes out again right now just reading all these messages but crying cos I'm so touched by everyone's post and I'm not sad smile and my baby Lucas is just looking at me, what an amazing feeling - I told him "hello I'm your mummy I "made"you grin"

I was right I turned to you all, spoke with midwives while I was in hospital they were supportive. But your advice is far more valuable and I can relate more, thank you so much flowersstar

TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder Sat 14-Jan-17 15:01:04

Wow OP, he is beautiful!! Enjoy xx

oldlaundbooth Sat 14-Jan-17 15:36:12

Love the name! Gorgeous boy. You've done the business there, maki smilegrin

Penfold007 Sat 14-Jan-17 15:41:14

Oh wow! Congratulations bear

MakiJ Sat 14-Jan-17 16:13:50

smilebiscuitsmilebiscuit aww thank you ladies, you have made my day I'm feeling better already re-reading all the posts grinwine

Honeybee79 Sun 15-Jan-17 20:54:57

Congratulations on your beautiful boy!

Really sorry you are going through this op.

I had a crash section with DS 6 years ago and was on a ward for 5 nights afterwards. It was utter hell. However, I was feeling much better by 6 or 7 weeks, though did suffer from post natal depression which was treated with medication. The whole experience really affected the first few weeks of my relationship with DS but things improved and we got there!

I had DD by elective section 7 weeks ago. I now feel physically "normal" and have no pain during every day activities. I am slowly returning to exercise. I was in a lot of pain for at least 10 days afterwards and moderate pain for a week or so after that. However, as this was an elective psychologically it was been much easier.

C-section recovery is tough and takes time but you will get there. Be gentle with yourself and be patient - I was rubbish at both of these things. If you have depression ensure it is managed by your GP. And remember you're not alone.

girlelephant Mon 16-Jan-17 08:19:11

Lucas is beautiful!
Well done on reaching out OP & hope you are both doing well x

MakiJ Tue 17-Jan-17 08:59:25

Thank you again much appreciated smileflowers I got curprofen the pink tablet instead of normal ibuprofen I'm still in pain but curprofen seems to be better. Every time I feel low I read these posts and keep reminding myself and that's helping me too smile

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