Is there anyone on here who has, or thinks they may, tokophobia?
Yes I had. There are a number of women on MN who consider themselves to have primary or secondary tokophobia even if they have not had a formal diagnosis.
As a rule this section of MN is very supportive of women who find themselves in this situation. You are definitely NOT alone. There are a number of posters who regularly post on the subject and try and offer a degree of support by just making the point that it is more common than you think.
The subject is generally still taboo in many places which is part of the problem. MN is NOT one of them.
As part of my research I have found some nhs guidelines (nice) which state that if a lady really wants a caesarian section she should be offered support and help, but ultimately it would be her choice.
The guidelines are a big help but they are still problematic as not all hospitals follow the guidelines. You do not have a 'RIGHT' to an ELCS. It is however, worth pointing out that you do however have a right to healthcare treatment most appropriate to your medical needs. This means if you are diagnosed as having tokophobia you can argue the case that an ELCS is the more appropriate course of action for your medical needs - therefore you have a right to it.
There are a lot of politics to get your head around with the subject if you are determined and really want to have a baby.
I know some of you will probably feel this is the wrong choice as it's a major operation and carries significant risk. I am fully aware of, and understand this. However it is the only way I can ever envisage being able to mentally cope with pregnancy and birth.
STOP RIGHT THERE. You do not have to justify yourself to anyone. Mental health IS health. Would you justify having your leg put in plaster if you broke it? If you wouldn't then don't do it for this. Change your attitude, as you have a genuine issue and a genuine reason to seek medical help and attention. As I said before, there are lots of people in this section of MN who understand this and are supportive (This is not necessarily the case elsewhere on MN, but here there is a good understanding of the issues).
I have researched people who have opted to have an nhs caesarian on the Internet and seem to be getting quite mixed stories, including those who have been refused whilst heavily preganat. Has anyone on here been in a similar situation?
I have been lurking on these threads for at least 8 years now. (Yikes!) NHS policy on ELCS for mental health is extremely patchy and inconsistent. It is a complete postcode lottery really. Some places have very little (or no) mental health support for this, others are much better. One hospital can effectively have a 'blanket ban' in place whilst the next will let you have an ELCS without any problem what so ever. It is not always easy to identify which is which, but it is possible. This can be half the battle.
Were you able to get agreement before you became pregnant?
YES! I did. I went to my GP before becoming pregnancy and was able to be referred to someone who could help (My GP didn't know what to do with me, but I had been able to identity a specialist and she was happy to refer me after I gave her the details).
I was told I could have self referred, direct to a specialist or I could go through the GP (which is what I did). It CAN be difficult to get a referral simply because services are limited, and too far and few between and heavily oversubscribed as a result with priority given (naturally and rightfully) to women who are already pregnant. But you DO still have a genuine reason to get access to these services. Anyone who tells you, you have to be pregnant is NOT right.
Access to appropriate mental health services should be available to all women of childbearing age. Keep this in mind at all times.
Was your gp understanding?
Yes very. Not all are, but awareness of the subject is much better than it was. If they aren't, you may still be able to go through the self-referral route or approach another GP.
What about family and friends? The few people I've trusted enough to share this with really haven't understood.
I think its hard to talk about, especially if you have friends who don't know much about the subject. For me, it took some years, and learning how to talk about it in a way which explained it as a mental health issue rather than being 'too posh to push' or something that you just somehow get over as part of being pregnant. How you frame your situation helps how others respond to you.
There is also no obligation to tell anyone. Its not their business. If you are worried about how others will react you can always say that you have discussed your medical problems with your doctor and you both agree that under the circumstances which are complex, that having an ELCS might be the best option for you and the baby. It makes it difficult for others to stick their oar in then.
However in the end, the majority of my friends all know now, and have been extremely supportive and understanding, especially since a couple have subsequently had difficult births themselves and have struggled with the prospect of having a second baby.
How did your partner feel about it?
With him I'd have been lost. He was brilliant. Having a supportive partner is important and a good ally to have if you do face obstacles to getting the support you need. A supportive partner, who 'gets' it, is your best asset.
Final Thought:
In posting this, you may have just taken your first steps forward on a long journey. Please keep in mind this can be a bumping road at times and it takes time to go through the process and find the right way for you. There is no one right way to do this - only the right way for you.
What other people take for granted, is not as straightforward for others. This is NORMAL. Anxiety over childbirth is a spectrum, with normal being both ends of the spectrum for fear and no fear and everything in between. You just happen to be at the more extreme end which means you need more support than the average woman.
Fear of Childbirth is something that has existed, probably as long as women have given birth. There are historical references to it, which are not about the physical risks of giving birth of the past but about the mental aspects of it. Don't let anyone tell you different or give your the crap of 'women having been giving birth for thousands of years' shit. It misses the point that this is 2017 and how health care has progressed and recognises how important mental health is in addition to physical health.
Things have changed a lot since the NICE guidelines were last updated in 2011, and there is a lot less ignorance on the subject but it is still not treated and as well understood as it should be.
There are a number of hospitals that have conducted research into the subject in recent years which had never been done in this country prior to 2011. I know of one that is currently on going at present. So despite the problems the situation is a lot more positive than it has been in the past.
Just keep thinking that this is about your mental health and your need - and right - to have support with that. How you actually give birth in the end is actually secondary to that need. Indeed, with the right support it is not inevitable that you will want an ELCS afterall, as inconceivable as that might sound now. There are women that do change their mind, as they have managed to build a trust with their HCPs to a level where they feel they can have a VB afterall. Having an ELCS agreed in principle ahead of getting pregnant was a safety net and a stepping stone to building that trust.This did not happen to me; but I do recognise that the support my hospital gave me was so good that other women might feel confident enough to change their minds.
As I say, there is no 'right way' to do this. Only your way.
Good luck. I hope it works out for you.