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Thinking of having a sterilisation, has anyone ever regretted it??

(95 Posts)
BobbieDog Thu 22-Dec-16 20:42:42

So im 29 with dd who is 4 and currently pregnant with ds. Have been to see my consultant today about an elective c section which she has granted and i talked to her about sterilisation.

She has told me that they will do it whilst they do the c section if thats what i want but she has informed me that 1 in 3 people regret it. She has also explained that the nhs will not reverse it if at a later time i change me mind (very understandable).

My pregnancies have not been easy (awful SPD from 10 weeks pregnant with both) and dh does not want any more (he is 10 years old than me).

Dh has said he is scared of having problems after a vastectomy and doesnt feel he wants it done.

If i decide at a later date to be sterilised then it will be internal and not as straight forward as it would be if i had it at the time of the c section whilst everything is open and they can see exactly what they are doing.

The age limit has been lifted and there is now no minimum age at which a sterilsation can be done, its all down to personal choice whichever age you are.

So has anyone ever regretted it?

BobbieDog Thu 22-Dec-16 21:54:13

Anyone?

footballwidow12 Thu 22-Dec-16 22:17:13

Hi - I couldn't read and run. I'm afraid I don't have any experience personally but know someone who tried to have it reversed and it didn't work.

Good luck with your decision smile

BobbieDog Thu 22-Dec-16 22:21:42

Ahh so they regretted it? Can I ask why they regretted it?

Suzietwo Thu 22-Dec-16 22:23:06

I've been sterilised but I was 38 and had 4 c/s. 6 months on and I'm MASSIVELY struggling with not being able to have more babies. The only thing keeping me sane is fact a 5th section would be way uncool. At 29 with just 2 sections under my belt I wouldn't dream of it

footballwidow12 Thu 22-Dec-16 22:26:29

She re-married and wanted to have a baby with her new husband. It never happened though as the reversal was unsuccessful.

CanandWill Thu 22-Dec-16 22:29:30

I have not been sterlised but your age is screaming out at me. Your are only 29. It is very easy to think you are done after a hard pregnancy. You could feel very differently by the time your new baby goes to school. Your Dh needs to have a vasectomy. I know you said he is scared but ffs compared to child birth it is nothing. At least is is reversible.

CwtchMawr Thu 22-Dec-16 22:46:54

My friend regretted it. She was 40 and was sterilised during her section for her second. She regretted it within months and now 10 years later she's very vocal about how much she and her husband both wish they'd gone for number 3.

icclemunchy Thu 22-Dec-16 23:14:25

I had mine done after DD2 was born last year. I was 28. I kind of regret it in that I would have loved more kids, but the reality is health wise I can't manage it. I have diabetes and fibromyalgia plus get pre eclampsia and spd when preg (earlier with DD2 than 1 and would be likely earlier still with another) plus a pph which nearly killed me with DD1

So possibly not very helpful to you lol but I've had no problems (was warned there could be lasting pain) and recovery was no worse for it as far as I can tell

icclemunchy Thu 22-Dec-16 23:14:58

I had mine done after DD2 was born last year. I was 28. I kind of regret it in that I would have loved more kids, but the reality is health wise I can't manage it. I have diabetes and fibromyalgia plus get pre eclampsia and spd when preg (earlier with DD2 than 1 and would be likely earlier still with another) plus a pph which nearly killed me with DD1

So possibly not very helpful to you lol but I've had no problems (was warned there could be lasting pain) and recovery was no worse for it as far as I can tell

scrumptiouscrumpets Fri 23-Dec-16 18:53:21

A vasectomy is not easily reversible as stated by a pp.

You are still very young, I wouldn't do it at your age. I know a man who regretted his vasectomy a decade after he had it done - divorced in his 40s and wanted to start a family with his second wife.

Both you and your DH might still change your mind about having a third child.

BobbieDog Fri 23-Dec-16 20:30:03

I ve spoken about it tonight and he says hes certain for no more children (but doesnt want the procedure done himself)

He feels we should concentrate on the children we already have and giving them a good life rather than have more than we can cope with.

Also with me not being great in pregnancy and birth its not a good idea to have anymore.

I do agree with what hes saying but it just feels so final for both a sterilisation and the snip and although im certain i dont want 3 children i just dont like the idea of that choice being taken from me.

goose1964 Fri 23-Dec-16 20:36:08

nope, well only for a few seconds when I hit the menopause

goose1964 Fri 23-Dec-16 20:36:59

I was 30 when I had mine done.

PacificDogwod Fri 23-Dec-16 20:37:46

i just dont like the idea of that choice being taken from me.

Don't have it done.
Or at least, don't have it done at the time of your CS (I thought sterilisation done at the time of CS had a higher failure rate? Because all the tissues are more swollen due to pregnancy blood supply/hormones and therefor the clips used can fail? Or something like that - may be worthwhile asking about).

You are NOT sure that you never what to have the option again - consider sterilisation (AND vasectomy for that matter) as irreversible. Getting the plumbing back to gather can be attempted but does not always work, in both men and women.

He sounds like he is done with considering further children - he needs to put his money where his mouth is, get over himself and at least find out more about vasectomy, for goodness sake! It is a FAR lesser procedure than female sterilisation (even at the time of CS) and after 2 difficult pregnancies surely it is not unreasonable to expect him to do something vaguely unpleasant for the sake of your family?

Anyway, that is for between the two of you.
But I'd strongly advise not to do anything hasty yourself.

Imagine this: your DH is run over by a bus/hit by a meteor/eaten by a dinosaur tomorrow. 5 years later you meed a New Man who does not have children and would love to have some with you. How would you feel about this? With or without having been sterilised?

Efferlunt Fri 23-Dec-16 20:40:06

Perhaps this sounds mean. But you've had the two kids. Why can't your DH take one for the team?

babyblabber Fri 23-Dec-16 20:46:40

I'm 37 and currently expecting DC4. It will be my 3rd section. Defo do not want more children, four is plenty!!! I was offered tubal ligation by my doctor and was initially very keen but having researched it I've decided against it. Lots of reports of it making your periods really heavy etc. I've decided that my body has been through enough.

DH will be getting a vasectomy.

It doesn't sound like your ready to make the final decision yet (and you are SO young to make that big call) but if you were, your DH needs to grow up and take some responsibility.

If I were you I would get the coil and if you and your DH are still happy with no more kids when it's time to get that out, he should get the snip.

BobbieDog Fri 23-Dec-16 20:48:23

Dh is worried about his bits basically. Hes worried about the risks etc. I know there is a bloke on here that suffered terribly from the snip, he still posts ocassionally.

The consultant said its better for them to do the procedure whilst they do the c section so they can see exactly what they are doing etc. She said its fine to do it during the c section and much better than afterwards as keyhole procedure is being fazed out and i wouldnt be a suitable canidate for that way anyway due to 2 sections with scar tissue etc. So if i wanted it done say 4 years down the line it would be done internal which is trickier for them.

madgingermunchkin Fri 23-Dec-16 20:53:30

What about what's happened to your bits? You could have had damage so bad that you shit yourself every time you sneezed. It's a risk you took when you decided you wanted children.

If he really truly is done, then it's up to him to take one for the team and suck it up like a pp said.

babyblabber Fri 23-Dec-16 21:02:09

I definitely wouldn't get sterilisation later when it's not during a section. That is a much bigger deal than your DH getting the snip. He needs to talk to a doctor about the risks and his concerns but FFS, it's not all up to you!

BobbieDog Fri 23-Dec-16 21:06:52

I dont want to take the pill. My mental health has been great since being off the pill.

Im sick of being in pain and dont want procedures that hurt like the arm implant and the coil. Why should i be messed with?

Dh is worried about what will happen if he gets the snip and in 3 years time i want another baby so i leave him for someone who can give me one.

Phillipa12 Fri 23-Dec-16 21:15:07

I have had a tubal ligation after my 4th section and have never regreted it but i am also 40. Have also not had heavy periods as a result, my consultant did say as i asked about my periods that most women have been on some form of contraceptive for such a long time that they have forgotten what there periods are actually like flow wise, she is right. Am afraid to say that if i were your age i would not be having it done, and i have suffered dreadfully with spd in all 4 of my pregnancies, and after dc2 i was pretty adamant there was going to be no more, dc3 and 4 were planned!

Efferlunt Fri 23-Dec-16 21:16:48

So he's worried you will change your mind and would rather you remain childless and unhappy than risk you leaving him? Sorry but this does not paint him in a very good light. He's coming across as very selfish.

expatinscotland Fri 23-Dec-16 21:22:52

At your age and with only 2 children, no, I wouldn't do it. You're not sure.

SillySongsWithLarry Fri 23-Dec-16 21:23:47

I was sterilised age 23 at the c section of my second child. I am now 29 and the youngest is now 6. Both children are in school and I have maintained a full on career and haven't regretted it. Contraception isn't a concern at all now and I have no plans for a third so being sterilised is great.

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