The pushing phase

[Wonderflonium]

I'm 32 weeks now and watching One Born Every Minute while I knit.

So, when it's the pushing phase I've noticed it's like the last 30 seconds of a room in the Crystal Maze
"PUSH THE BABY OUT! YOU CAN DO IT! KEEP GOING! GET THE CRYSTAL! COME ON!"
everyone's talking at once and it's all a jumble of excitement. And no one is saying anything that isn't pretty fecking obvious. It's not like the midwife is saying "wait a sec, give your perineum a bit to stretch, panting breaths now" she's saying "the thing you are physiologically unable to stop right now? keep doing that, ok!" over and over.

Are they doing it for the cameras or is that typical? How do you get them to tone it down? Am I just a grumpy pants?

(When people did this sort of stuff while I was learning to ride a bike/swim/skip/anything physical, I'd typically fall over because I couldn't handle the self-consciousness or the amount of processing power for understanding what they were saying and doing the thing on account of my dyspraxia, so I have a thing about cheerleading already)

[Gowgirl]

By that point you don't really hear anyone in my experience, but it does mean its nearly over

[MaximumVolume]

Ha! I think you're pretty much in the zone at that point anyway, unless you have an epidural (you do need help with timing in that case). I can't remember any of what was said to me at that point.

[Eminybob]

I actually needed all the shouting and encouragement. I didn't have the "urge" to push that you hear of, so I had to rely on the midwife telling me. She shouted at lot because I was doing it wrong aparantley (screaming though the pushes rather than breathing through them )
I wanted to give up, I was exhausted and the baby was stuck. The doctor came in and wanted to give me an episiotomy and ventouse, but the midwife was adamant I could do it so while the doctor went out of the room to get the equipment, the midwife shouted at me some more to push the baby out.
And it worked! By the time the doctor was back my baby was in my arms!
So in my case, yeah there was a lot of shouting and I needed it!

[orangebird69]

I did not want any kind of cheerleading or to be told how well I was doing. DH was made quite aware of that and so was my midwife. MW did shout at me a few times (because I was pathetic and told her I didn't want to do it/push/have a baby etc ) but she was marvellous. DH did his job too. Barely said a word, just let me crush the bones in his hands. You'll be fine x

[Wonderflonium]

Ooh, that's a good point Eminy! Glad she got you in the zone.

[Gowgirl]

My midwife with no 2 told my dh, if she can still talk coherently she's not there yet, always struck me as very true....

[BertrandRussell]

It seems to be one of the best kept secrets of childbirth that some women just don't get the urge to push. I thought it was just me, but have discovered that there are lots of us. I needed encouragement because I didn't have the urge and it was so laughably painful and seemingly impossible that I needed someone to tell me when and how long for.

There wasn't any shouting, though. Lots of talk, but no shouting.

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

No - it doesn't need to be like that

I've had 3 babies in the last 3 years. The first was an instrumental delivery but still very calm and controlled

The second 2 were unassisted births. My DH made t quite clear to the midwives (who were very happy to assent) that we wanted the births to be as calm as possible. Both were great as the midwives just very calmly guided me through the pushing stage, no shouting or yelling. When I had DC3, I did say to the midwife that I thought everything was going a bit fast and she says not to worry, she had hold of DD's (massive) head and if I just waited for a few seconds, everything would stretch a bit and she would guide her out. I only needed one stitch with DC3 and none with DC3. There is an element of luck of the draw but I did Hypnobirthing and I do believe that being shouted at (however well meaning it is) is not helpful. The midwives need to be listening to the mother

[Boatmum1]

My DS birth was v straightforward and amazingly calm - and as I opted out of pain relief, found it easier to control what was happening when it got to pushing.... I just followed my body's cues. When I could feel the head stretching me , with the midwifes guidance, I started panting - then when I felt like pushing again I waited until it was an absolute MUST to push - and did then. The midwife was the only one talking (DP was saying encouraging things but not babbling and didn't shout/ cheer/ annoy me) - and she was great - just "good good, pause, breathe , okay you can push when you're ready" etc etc - but tbh I wasn't taking all that much notice. Was more listening to my body.

It took me about 5 mins to push him out I think? But I DID hold back (and he was pretty big)

Anyway got away with a TINY second degree labial tear that only needed a single stitch. And a graze. That stung a bit.

In short - you can ask everyone to shut up when you start pushing and only have midwife talking - or just block them out and listen to your body - it knows what to do!

[Hellmouth]

She shouted at lot because I was doing it wrong aparantley (screaming though the pushes rather than breathing through them

I had that too. still fricking worked lol

[Boatmum1]

Witchscat -

Yes- hypnobirthing! Excellent if only for the breathing exercises - really helped me too

[HeyhoSwashbuckleandgo]

Another one without the urge to push here! I also got shouted at for 'wasting' the contractions, when actually I felt that coping with each one was an achievement.
In the end I asked the MWs to go away and did it on my own. The shouting/encouragement really put me off.

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

My DH is a dentist and therefore definitely not a "woo" person - he is a hypnobirthing convert!

[Microwaste]

I had two home water births and no one was shouting or screaming at me. Unfortunately OBEM rarely show peaceful and calm births!
Also this - if she can still talk coherently she's not there yet - is not always true! I was able to speak coherently all the way through my labours.

[Spudlet]

I got told off for panting (when I'd been told not to push for a moment), then I didn't get told to wait when DS crowned. Hence second degree tear, hence stitches, hence ouch.

If we ever have a terrible accident wonderful second pregnancy, DH will be thoroughly briefed on insisting that the midwife tells me when to bloody well stop!

[AliceThrewTheFookingGlass]

With DC1 the MW had to tell me when to stop and start pushing as I couldn't feel the contractions due to the epidural. She was mostly very calm about it. Until towards the end when I was stopping pushing just a little too early so she urged me to 'keep going' I grumbled about this to DP afterwards as I remembered wanting her to shut up and let me concentrate but and he said that DCs head was coming out a bit while I was pushing but sort of retracting as soon as I stopped, s

[bummymummy77]

I had six fucking hours of pushing. I couldn't hear anyone say anything by the end.

[PonkAlert]

I think it depends entirely on the midwife. First birth the midwife was fantastic, we built up a rapport and I trusted her so felt her encouragement was positive and useful. Like a PP she managed to get me to deliver as doctors were setting up for an instrumental delivery and I was so grateful.

Second birth midwife was horrible, rolling her eyes and looking at the clock, telling me to stop wasting my energy by making noise (I wondered if she was one of those scientologists who advocate silent births). I ended up screaming at her that the baby was not coming. She carried on for another twenty minutes, ignoring my protests, before getting the doctors who confirmed that the baby was in a bad position and wouldn't come out (arms up over head) and took me to theatre.

These births were less than two years apart, same hospital, same unit. I think you're relationship with/trust in the midwife is crucial and it's your birth partner's job to communicate your wishes/needs to them. Remember that you might surprise yourself with what you want during labour, e.g. I'm quite tactile usually but couldn't stand being touched. A good midwife will take your opinions on board and act accordingly.

Good luck!

[TheInternetIsForPorn]

I had two MLU water births. Both very quiet, music playing, calm midwife and all very chilled. As with anything that is on a scale both ends of the spectrum are possible. A lot of people will be in the middle. Also, OBEM isn't MLU or home birth usually so you don't get to see that side of things.

It always surprises me how many women on telly delivery on their back when hands and knees is much more natural.

[AliceThrewTheFookingGlass]

Fuck.

But retracting as soon as I stopped. So I can see why she had to tell me to keep going.

With DC2 the MW was adamant I did not need to push and told me very clearly not to because 'you're not anywhere near ready' I told her I needed to use the toilet then because something was very much exiting my body. I couldn't help but push and she quickly conceded she could see a head and on the third push he was born. She didn't have anything ready so wrapped him in his lovely new fluffy cream blanket instead of a towel, goo and allI had been telling her for ages that things had really ramped up and she laughed it off like she knew what I was feeling better than I did. This is despite not having checked how dilated I was for hours and telling me I wasn't even in proper labour and telling me I might need to be sent home. WTF? I had an epidural in for a start (which didn't work very well as I was in back labour) and in her own notes it said active labour started well before then.

[SeventeenRainbeaus]

I think for some women they find they eed a bit of encouragement, but I wouldn't call that encouragement at all. Shouting 'PUSH, PUSH PUSH!' at a women who is doing exactly that and nothing else does little help. If it was OBEM... she was probably laying on the bed, right? It would be easier for women to puh in an upright position so they are not pushing against gravity or have an increased risk of tearing (along with midwives "cheering you on")

Pushing should be done at the woman's pace. No one should tell what she should be doing with her body. There is the reflex that midwives/OBs don't allow to happen in a hospital birth because they're too eager - www.spiritualbirth.net/what-is-the-fetus-ejection-reflex

I was told to constantly push and hold my breath for 10 etc. I believe that made my son's heart rate drop (then ruined the end delivery and immediate post-birth as they intervened for the rest of it after that) as it reduces oxygen to baby. I think they call it purple pushing for that reason.

Ideally... Everyone should just shut up, unless the woman asks for encouragement (shouting 'push' isn't encouraging!), and let her and her body get on with it. OBEM is terrible. All sorts of wrong on that programme.

[Wonderflonium]

this is so interesting about some women not getting the urge to push. I had no idea! I knew the epidural might make things more difficult with respect to feedback but I thought everyone had the urge.

Thanks for the heads up!

I've heard loads of stories where the midwife hasn't realised how far along someone really is and tells them to go home only for them to give birth right there and then. It's a bit alarming! Do they only go on the cms dilated? What's the haps there?

[AyeAmarok]

Placemarking for tips!

[HateSummer]

No, I've never had people shouting at me. Talking loudly with the first one because of an epidural. My last birth was the best; the midwife was holding my hand and arm around my shoulder gently talking right into my ear telling me I'm doing a brilliant job and to follow the urge. No one needs to shout.

[SeventeenRainbeaus]

Eminy See what I mean about too eager? Disgusting tbh.

I don't like that women feel they need a midwife to tell them when to push and when to not push. Maybe it's because I can't trust them now. You know you can put your hand down and feel for yourself without asking permission? It's your body. I felt distracted by two different people telling me to push, breath and hold when I was doing really well by myself. There were no issues when I was pushing. They just caused them.

I am having a home birth this time as I do not like the practices that take place in hospital. If they had left me to push on my own without distracting me I feel my first birth wouldn't have been the way it was.

No, I got cut in haste and had him taken away to restore oxygen levels that they caused to reduce when they should have left the cord as that helps baby recover quicker. Of course they could have tried to resolve the issue first by shutting up and letting me get to a better position, which they didn't bother to do, before permanently damaging my body. So like fuck am I going back to another maternity unit!