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40wks today. no longer want a homebirth cos i have no faith in mw. can i decide now to have elective cs?

(71 Posts)
gigglinggoblin Wed 14-Feb-07 16:33:35

every mw all the way through has been crap quite honestly. none of them seem to know what they are doing, they all want to send me to consultant cos they dont trust their own judgement, i am so miserable and depressed at the constant not knowing what is going to happen. i def do not want to be induced, i hate hospitals and i dont want to go at all, but i think if i hold out for a homebirth they are going to panic and i will end up going in unnecessarily.

its getting to the point where i am not wanting the baby cos i am so stressed, and its all because of little trivial things they dont seem able to cope with.

today i was told i have to see consultant cos i am measuring 48cms - last week it was only 40. mw says baby feels huge, about 9.5lb possibly. i have already had 2 bigger than that so what is the sodding problem?

its not the first thing they wanted to send me in about, its the 3rd but i have refused to go in previously and consultant has checked my notes and seen no need to see me, which just reinforces my concerns

i have never encountered such a shower of muppets in any of my pregnancies before and i just dont trust them to know what they are doing. frankly i am scared they are going to screw up if i stay at home.

so any advice? need to decide fairly quickly obviously, dont know where to start

lulumama Wed 14-Feb-07 16:35:12

i think that if you hate hospitals , an elective c.s is not going to be ideal, as it is surgery , medicalised and you are in hospital for a few days

do you feel confident in your own body?

what other concerns have there been and when you seeing consult?

Aloha Wed 14-Feb-07 16:36:04

Look, I have had two caesareans - by necessity and by choice - and I would rather jump into the thames for a refreshing swim than have a homebirth - BUT - I think you are having a complete hormone storm and panic and you don't want a caesarean, you don't want to go to hospital and you do want a homebirth and I think you even at this late stage could find someone to support you better. Where are you? Could a Mumsnetter find you a doula or independent midwife? I really feel for you.

piglit Wed 14-Feb-07 16:37:23

You poor thing. Not a lot of advice I can give you other than to say you've given birth twice before and mananged so you'll be fine this time. An elective would difficult to get imho and it's major surgery.

Hopefully lulumama will be along soon - she knows all about this stuff.

piglit Wed 14-Feb-07 16:38:20

Oops. Lulumama beat me to it!

Agree with Aloha too.

lulumama Wed 14-Feb-07 16:39:32

LOL ! thanks piglit !

and what aloha said ! x

gigglinggoblin Wed 14-Feb-07 16:45:38

i know its hospital, but with 2 preious inductions i have been in for almost 7 days each time cos it takes so long to get going and i havent slept the whole time i have been in. i just cant face a really difficult labour followed by however long i have to stay in for. if im induced i think i will end up with no pain relief as drugs make me feel worse, if i stay at home i can use a pool which is all i needed last time. i wasnt allowed to use pool after either induction so dont see why it would be different this time

i cant see any problems at all. i had laser surgery on my cervix between ds2 and 3, ds3 was a really easy birth and mw i had with him suggested staying at home but i didnt feel confident cos of previous inductions being so difficult. mw also started talking about excessive bleeding after births of ds2 and 3, which after she bothered to check my notes turned out to be not very excessive and not a problem. she only checked notes cos i refused to see consultant. im not being that awkward about consultants, its just that you can be in there for 2 hours as their time keeping is dreadful and i will have to take my 2 year old with me so want to avoid if possible.

i am definately in the middle of a hormone storm but its been like this nearly every time i see them, they just dont have any confidence in themselves. i would rather have a cs than an induction.

bossykate Wed 14-Feb-07 16:50:04

agree with aloha, i think there are other options to explore before going for the cs since you really don't want one.

where are you? if you are in london i can recommend an independent midwife.

if not you can find one \link{http://www.google.co.uk\here.

bossykate Wed 14-Feb-07 16:52:03

am eejit

this should work better!

here .

gigglinggoblin Wed 14-Feb-07 16:56:11

nowhere near london and really cannot afford an independant mw. thanks anyway

and thanks to others who replied, dont want to seem rude am just rather upset

bossykate Wed 14-Feb-07 16:58:32

well how about a doula, they are much cheaper?

i really think you shouldn't have to give up on the homebirth option since you are so keen. i highly recommend the experience!

Aloha Wed 14-Feb-07 17:00:53

You do sound upset, and I can see why. Why are we talking about induction anyway? They can't foce you to be induced. They can't make you go to hospital either, and tbh there doesn't seem any reason to (remember, this is the woman with a horror of birth talking!). I do think things can get overwhelming at the end of pregnancy even if you aren't having to fight the people who should be helping you.

lulumama Wed 14-Feb-07 17:01:58

where are you, i am a trainee doula in merseyside, and would be happy to help if i can !

PrettyCandles Wed 14-Feb-07 17:03:28

How do you feel about the size? I think that if you had really grown that much in one week you would notic it. I had a student mw measure me as 10cm bigger than I actually was, at one point!

I was in a similar situation to your's: I had massive hassle with having to fight for my hb as the consultant was making a big hoo-hah about the baby being too big. Like you, I was term and still fighting. Like you, I'd had two big babies SVD without any problems. Like you, I was emotional and deeply upset by the situation. Fortunately in my case I was supported by the mws and eventually got signed-off for my hb. The hb never happened in the end, I had to go to hsopital because there was no mw available to send to me, but, nonetheless, ds2 was born easily and gently in water at 40+6 weighing 11lbs and his was the easiest and least damaging of all three births.

You can do it. You and your body know what to do and what you want to do. You don't have to have pertmission to hb as you're not under consultant care. And of course you don't need to see the consultant if you don't want to. If you can afford it an independat mw or an experienced doula would probably be a very good idea.

My instinct would be to retreat into my little nest (metaphorically speaking) and prepare myself to give birth on my own terms. OK, might end up in hospital, but still confidnt that I was going to make my best effort to help my body get on with it, and everyone else can go whistle.

lulumama Wed 14-Feb-07 17:04:51

what aloha and prettycandles had said

also, fear re the birth often manifests just before labour begins

i would take a break, make sure someone on hand for your toddler tonight, lie in the bath, light candles and visualise the birth and how you see it, and try to clear your head

Enid Wed 14-Feb-07 17:08:02

go and see the consultant

you might be surprised at the level of support for a homebirth you get

I was utterly anti seeing a consultant in my 3rd pg but did in the end and he was lovely and signed me off for a homebirth

gave me laods of confidence

PrettyCandles Wed 14-Feb-07 17:08:10

I found this thread very helpful.

gigglinggoblin Wed 14-Feb-07 17:30:22

thanks all, dh isnt here atm and i just want to rant!

i hope you are right about labour starting lulu, that would sort the problem. very kind of you to offer, half the reason i want a homebirth is cos i only had 1.5 hours after i realised i was actually in labour last time and i am worried about what to do with other kids if i have to get them elsewhere

i wish i was feeling as assertive as you are sounding atm aloha! i dont normally have a problem but i feel like i have been fighting all the way through and im just so tired of it now.

i dont think she is right about the size being a problem, she kept saying she reckons 9.5lb which isnt that big. tbh i am expecting to be told there are no mw available or that they will get here and say i need to go in, i dont think they want me to have a hb and i dont trust them not to lie (mw has told a few half truths about having to go to hospital)

she has just rung me back and wants me to have a growth scan, i said unless it shows baby as 13lb there are no guarantees that it is bigger than any of my others tho so i dont see the point, its just more stress. she had to agree thats right and they wont be able to tell me anything for certain. apparently they dont do elective cs so thats ruled out. i feel like giving up and doing it on my own, i seem to know more from ths internet than they are managing to tell me. (im not really going to btw, i just feel like it)

cheritongirl Wed 14-Feb-07 17:35:01

GG - only you can decide what is best but having had a HB (admittedly haven't had any other type of birth!) i think you would be so happy afterwards, but do understand that the mw can make all the difference.. bless you. If you live anywhere near Lulumama then get her to come along and give you a helping hand! She is v wise... all the very best - am rooting for you

lulumama Wed 14-Feb-07 17:36:58

<<waves at CG!>>

goblin..sounds like you are a determined and strong woman and confident you can birth this baby
if you have been booked for homebirth from the start, and you know you can birth this baby, then try to stay with those feelings and hang on in there!

gigglinggoblin Wed 14-Feb-07 17:46:34

dh is back now so have had a bit of a shout and feel a bit better

good thread pc, shows how nice it can be. thats pretty much how ds3 came out, if it could be like that this time i will be very happy. sadly i dont think it will happen if i go into hospital because of 'concerns'. im not scared of giving birth, im scared of all the unnecessary intervention happening cos thats why i have had bad experiences in the past, nothing to do with giving birth just people poking about where they dont need to.

thanks for all the support it is very helpful

tenbygirl Wed 14-Feb-07 17:51:06

If you're measuring that big then it will be hospital protocol that the midwives have to send you in. So maybe not a case of them not trusting their own judgement, but of not wanting to get sacked/struck off

Talk to your midwives and tell them your concerns. Don't give up on your dream birth though. Like you say, you are less likely to have problems having had 2 big babies before.

hertsnessex Wed 14-Feb-07 18:35:02

gogginlinggoblin,

wanted to add that lulu is totally right about this sometimes happening before labour. please try not to go anywhere near the hospital just now, visualise the birth, relax, dim the lights, talk very slowly to yourself reaffirming all the things you want from the birth and your belief in your body and babies ability to do this.

i have some great reading if anything would help at this stage for you please just shout.

good luck.

Cx

hertsnessex Wed 14-Feb-07 18:36:50

apols for the hideous sp mistake in your name!!!!

gigglinggoblin Wed 14-Feb-07 18:48:25

am sure you are right tg, its just one more thing after massive negativity about hb and it seems so wierd being concerned about a 9.5lb baby! dont know why i didnt ask her to remeasure, am sure baby position has something to do with it.

love the spelling herts! plan for tonight is a long bath with clary sage oil and my soothing colour changing light thingie, plus a large tub of ice cream. definate way to make the world better

things are lots better now thank you ladies, dare say i will be an emotional wreck again next week after mw appt (this isnt the 1st thread i have started just after seeing them!)

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