Nine days overdue...feeling blue

[MrsFlowers82]

Today I am nine days overdue. By this I mean past my due date. Please don't tell me due dates are only estimates, or that over due is actually beyond 42 weeks. I know this is true but I am super fragile right now and this isn't helping.

As well as being sick of the endless texts and phone calls, and the constant tips on inducing labour ("have a curry", "have some pineapple", "have sex", "go for a walk" yada, yada. Tried it all no joy) I am beginning to feel increasingly depressed and anxious. I can't fight the overwhelming feeling that my body is failing and not performing the way it is meant to

Had a sweep Tuesday this week which resulted in some spotting and then I had a bloody show on Wednesday. The midwife said cervix was far back but that she was able to pull it forwards and I was 1cm dilated. Since then I have had some minor niggles and inconsistent braxton hicks. Nothing else. I am so tired of going to sleep thinking something will happen when I wake up and am emotionally drained by the constant anticipation hanging over me. I am not sleeping properly and feel tearful all the time

Have a second sweep booked for Tuesday and induction on Wednesday. Although now resigned to the fact that induction is likely to be how my labour starts, I am increasingly worried about the induction failing, having to then have the drip and of having to have a ECS.

All in all I am tired and the longer this goes on the more I find myself worrying about. This is my first child and I know that I should focus on getting her here safely. I just feel like I am a failure already and am worried that the fact I am not labouring naturally (and that I am feeling so down) will impact on other things like breastfeeding.

Husband has been super supportive but family are annoying me with tales of own early labours and stupid messages telling me "hurry up and get my niece born". Think I just needed to let all this out and have a vent as I am currently spiralling with worry.

[MrsBettany]

Lots of sympathy for you here. I went 2 weeks over with my first and was a sobbing mess! I was convinced that the baby would never come - I knew that was totally irrational but at the same time I really felt it was true.

Everyone kept saying to rest up but I was so miserable and uncomfortable that I wanted to throttle them, I found getting any rest to be nearly impossible.

No advice except to say you are not the first to feel like this 💐

[PotteringAlong]

Although I was induced with my first I went into spontaneous labour at 41+5 with my second.

Stop answering your phone and keep the faith

[QforCucumber]

Oh sympathies - it really is horrible. Just a reassurance though, I was induced with ds - waters broke themselves after 2 pessaries. He was ebf until 6 months.

[PotteringAlong]

Meant to add - just because you're not labouring now doesn't mean you won't.

[billabye]

I ended up 16 days over with my DD and it was thoroughly shit. I know how you're feeling and the constant pestering by friends and family makes it worse. Can you ask your DH to have a word with his family to lay off?

[PotteringAlong]

And yes, (last thing!), I breast fed both my induced and non induced baby until they were 18 months; it made not a jot of difference.

[MrsFlowers82]

Thank you for quick and lovely replies Nice to know that my feelings are not unusual at this stage.

Was saying to DH the other day that I feel like I will be preggo forever - I will be one of those freak cases people study in medical school and trashy magazines like Love It will feature me as their cover story

Jokes aside, thanks for reassurance. It's all so new and unknown to me, I just want to get going!!!

[ShowOfHands]

I think towards the end you find something to focus your fears on and magnify it. Usually, it's just a projection of other anxieties about this huge life change and fear about being good enough or failing.

Please try not to attach the rhetoric of failure to childbirth. Childbirth and labour are a matter of luck. You get dealt a hand and you get a baby at the end of it. Otherwise, what? Are you realistically going to tell me and countless other women we're failures? Because of malpositioned babies or placenta praevia or knots in cords or stuck babies or haemorrhages or simple choice? My EMCSs were not failures.

I understand though. You've had months of people floating the ideal birth scenario at you, you have absolutely no idea what will happen and we do have this dichotomy of emcs / ventouse / induction / pain relief = bad and natural / drug free / = good. It's dangerous rhetoric. Put simply: having a baby = good. The real deciding factors in having a "good" birth are support, knowledge and respect. The actual permutations of labour are all down to chance.

I made the mistake with my first of thinking intervention was something to fear. I of course ended up with an emcs and the gap between expectation and reality was a chasm. I felt like a failure. Am I a failure? Fuck no. Took me 4 years to work that out. With my second I knew it was all down to luck so instead of fearing half the outcomes and dressing them up as the options of failed mothers, I thought about them properly. I considered what choices were available in each avenue. So, if I needed an emcs again, would I want lowered screens or immediate skin to skin or dh to watch, if I needed a general anaesthetic, who would I like to cuddle ds while I came round, would I like to play music to him, would I like photos before or after I woke up? And on and on and on. Eventually, I felt calm and in control. Because I'd focussed on things I could exercise control in instead of worrying about stuff which was beyond me.

In these last days, it's okay to retreat from well meaning nosey fuckers. Tell them to stop commenting and focus on whatever makes you happy. Try and accept that you aren't in control of when and how the baby comes. You are in control of lots of other things. You can do as you please. Eat, drink, bath, dance, walk, sleep, sing, watch tv. Anything YOU want. Whatever you do, don't sit around believing a woman birthing a baby deserves to be labelled a failure.

[PotteringAlong]

I will be one of those freak cases people study in medical school and trashy magazines like Love It will feature me as their cover story

On the plus side, you will make a fortune

[MrsFlowers82]

Thank you. I know that what you are saying makes sense Show. And believe me I do not mean to belittle or insult any woman or her experiences, and apologise if you have read my post that way. It's probably a bit of a jumble because of how confused I feel right now, hence why I wrote on here to begin with: to get some much needed perspective!

The funny thing is I have never had any real expectations of the birth itself - I have always been open to doing whatever I needed to through on the day be it a pool or pain relief. I am scared of having a CS, I do not mean to imply this is a "failed birth". I feel I was mentally prepared for the fact I have no idea what it is like and I was open to doing what felt right at the time it came and what was safest and best for my baby.

What I wasn't prepared for, perhaps naively, was this limbo land and the fact that birth may not start naturally. I guess it is part of the same 'ideal scenario' but I definitely wasn't prepared for this wait and this dragged out anticipation - maybe a few days but not potentially two weeks of it! It's draining and the anxiety and feeling down is also making me feel unsuccessful and unsure of myself. Where I am now I just want to get to the induction to get on with it! I like what you say about suppport, knowledge and respect contributing to a good birth and have decided to call the induction ward to ask some questions and as think this will help. It's hard when you a naturally a bit of a control freak like me! But I guess this is a good lesson before motherhood in letting go!

Haha Pottering! Every cloud and all!

[ShowOfHands]

I am a total control freak and ten years ago, could have written your opening post.

Can I tell you something about a caesarean? It's just weird. It's not scary. They're v safe procedures with good safety stats. Of course it's surgery and the unknown but the reality of them is that they're just weird. Try not to fear them. I realised after my 2nd that the surgeon who performed the cs was ridiculously qualified and had done the procedure a thousand times. Compared to me who didn't know what I was doing, the cs seemed relatively sensible!

You don't come across as belittling other women btw. I was reassuring you that you don't need to belittle yourself. There is no failure in birth.

[mamatiger2016]

I went to 42 weeks with DS and ended up with EMCS.

I could have written your first post - I was so fed up by the time I had my sweeps. The only way I got through was by ignoring all texts (except my mums) when I got to 40 weeks. That way I avoided getting wound up by people's 'tips' on getting baby out.

I would say don't beat yourself up about the birth, don't be a martyr. Go with the flow and take the pain relief if you want it, no one gives you a medal for having no pain relief or for hopping on one leg whilst juggling fire whilst you were mid contraction

I ended up with EMCS as DS turned at the last minute and wouldn't come out, it took some getting used to as I hadn't planned it in my head but I got on with it and am now 'in the flow' of things 6 weeks later.

Fingers crossed all goes well for you and you will have your little one here safe and sound very soon x

[MrsFlowers82]

Thank you again ladies It's definitely reassuraning to hear other people's experiences - that aren't well meaning family and friends! Decided to ignore everyone and all the old wives tales, in favour of a lazy duvet day, bath and box set. Its currently working in that there have been no tears today and Love It magazine haven't called either

[DragonNoodleCake]

I hear you and understand how you are feeling...not going to offer advise, sounds like you've had enough of that, just wanted to offer my support and acknowledge how bad you feel. Hang in there, not long to go.

[53rdAndBird]

Oh OP, I know how you feel. I went into labour at 15 days overdue with my DD (but went into labour naturally then), and the limbo nearly sent me mad. Not sleeping, tearful all the time, it was horrible.

Tell your friends and family and anyone else texting you with "any news yet????" updates to BACK OFF. And then redirect them to //www.haveyouhadthatbabyyet.com for any further questions! (Seriously, why on earth do people do this? Like you're going to say "Oh gosh yes, I had the baby weeks ago, I just hadn't thought to mention it." Or "well I hadn't bothered going into labour yet, but now you've pestered me about it I shall produce a newborn for you immediately!" FFS.)

I know every minute feels like a bloody lifetime at this stage, but whatever day it happens, it won't be long before you're snuggling your lovely new baby

[Moggysinger]

wow OP I could have written your post myself. Except today I am 13 days overdue. And don't get any ideas about selling your story to Love it magazine because I am clearly going to be the first person in the world to be pregnant forever, that £200 is mine!! Plus the place in the guiness book of records. Nothing else to add other than that I feel your pain, I too have cried, I too am a control freak, I too have felt my body was letting me down. I'm meeting with the consultant this week to discuss induction, and although it's not what I wanted, and not what DH wanted either, we are realising that somethings really are out of our control. Hope you get your baby in your arms really soon, and that all this becomes a hazy memory.

[MrsFlowers82]

Hi Moggy. I'm sorry your going through this too but it's nice to know I'm not alone. Makes me feel like less of a Love It feature!

Where I am now I just want the induction to hurry up. The longer I have waited the more I am accepting of the fact this isn't happening! But it's bloody exhausting having this hanging over you for so long - "what if it's tonight?", "will these braxton hicks go any further?" and when it doesn't it wears you out.

I have had such a stressful year. My husband is currently having an awful time at work, which may result in him loosing his job and my mum is undergoing chemotherapy. In fact she will be having another session on Thursday, which adds to my worry as I want her to come and visit me as soon as the baby is here. However, I do sometimes wonder if all this stress is preventing me from going into labour.

All in all I am tired and frustrated but am taking comfort in what other posters have said - our LOs will be here soon

Keep me posted and if you need to vent I am pretty sure I will be here!

[MrsFlowers82]

53rd that website is fucking brilliant! I think I will simply send that to anyone stupid enough to send me "Any news?" messages If I used Facebook more I would also put it as my status

[ThinkPinkStink]

Oh you poor thing! I remember feeling exactly as you do! Those incessant 'is she born yet' texts... My mother's presumption that if she didn't call me every 12 hours to find out if I was in labour I'd somehow completely forget to have the baby.

I was fuming and couldn't help but feel like I was somehow 'failing' to give birth.

I gave birth at 40+11 - our dear little daughter (though she is a sleep thief of the highest order) has made every gripe, frustration, ache and pain worthwhile.

Irrespective of the exact route your LO takes to get into the world, or the day they choose to do it, it WILL happen and it WILL happen soon!!

[MrsDallowaySaid]

This was me... 6 years ago today I was a sobbing mess at 41+5, lying in a hospital bed after third go of pessary. DD was born at 42+1, caesarean avoided, just, and it was all OK. But waiting was awful and I know just how you feel. Look after yourself, eat chocolate, have a small glass of wine, have baths, watch telly. And ignore everyone wanting news. Just worry about you. Hugs!

[Houseofplumroots]

Huge sympathies as I remember being 5 days overdue and utterly miserable

However looking back I now wish I had just relaxed and enjoyed what was left of my free time