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Opinions on birth scene

(2 Posts)
LittleLives1 Sat 08-Oct-16 22:39:19

This is a birth scene I am working on writing for a piece, it is not a full birth scene so I know it seems quick but I wondered how I did?
The fire roared in the hearth, flames leaping and licking at the stone leading up to the chimney. Natasha groaned, a deep guttural groan, pushing her feet into the mattress she lay on. Her heels sunk in, pushing away the feelings. She was hot, too hot, even though it was around 30 degrees outside and so cold the windows and doors had stuck inside their frames. Her skin had droplets racing over its surface. She rubbed her forehead, her hand coming away wet.
Then it started again. Her stomach was squeezing, squeezing so hard against her will, the pain was beyond every understanding she had of pain. It was pure agony. She prayed it would stop, prayed that something would happen to prevent this pain.
She tried to grip the sheet under her but her damp, clammy hands slipped and slid on the soft fabric. She roared out in pain, her head flopping back and tossing around like a rag doll or a marionette on a string. Her heels dug in further, she could feel her body straining. She was too young, she wasn't ready. But she had caught first time, Nikolai had been so happy, thrilled.
The lump formed in her throat; Nikolai.
He was gone, gone a martyr of the war, a Martyr for Russia. Mother Russia had decided he was to fight, he was to die. But he had not been theirs to take. Niko was hers. He would never know what was coming.
Natasha's body seemed to arch against her will, pushing her chest up into the air, the laces on the front of the white nightdress she wore coming undone.
"Oh Natalia," the woman called, coming to Natasha's side. She stroked Natasha's hand,patting her like a pet. She felt like an animal, a sow or ewe, so full, so heavy; but her time had finally come.
She hadn't felt this with Nikolai, she had never been scared- even going so far as to say she had felt invincible with him. She remembered the twinges, the worry on Nikolai's face when she had felt the little pains. She had known it was going to be ok.
But he was dead.
The old woman, with wrinkles crumpling up her face like a piece of waste paper, left Natasha's side and she grabbed after her. All sense of comfort was gone, she didn't even know this woman, the woman had been a friend of Nikolai's- he had always planned for her to come here when her time came. They had planned Nikolai to be in the next room; waiting. Waiting to hear the cries of his first born, to hear the words 'you have a son,' or, 'you have a daughter.'
The old woman rushed round to the end of the little bed, pulling up the sheet that covered Natasha's legs. She peaked under, prodding a little, before reappearing,
"Well done Natalia, you are almost there, almost, now I need you to concentrate on me,"
Natasha listened to the words but her mind was elsewhere.
Nikolai had walked in one morning while she was dressing. He had seen her belly, it wasn't that big but it was neat, rounded and her navel stuck out. His eyes had widened, he had been stone faced and then, a grin broke out on his face.
"Natalia, we're going to have a baby."

"Push Natalia!"
She gritted her teeth, her whole body screaming. A grunting screaming noise escaped between her teeth. She pushed herself up on her arms which shook violently under her weight, under the pressure under the raw emotion. She felt the fire between her legs, the burn as the shoulders inched forward. She squeezed her stomach, the ab muscles she had gained over her years of training were rippling. She could do this, she would do it, for Nikolai.
She would give him the baby, the baby he had implanted in her belly. The seed that had gone inside her at the right time. It had happened once, on one opportune moment. They had made a baby. And she was going to have his baby, give birth to the perfect thing that Nikolai had left for her.
"Nnnyaaaaahh!" She screamed, and then with a whoosh, a splash of fluid she felt the pain release and the child slip from her body.

VioletBam Sun 09-Oct-16 15:12:05

There is a creative writing section on Mumsnet. This section is for questions about childbirth....not critiquing writing about childbirth. Ask for it to be moved by reporting it.

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