Any other mums with newborns in intensive care?

[sophied1983]

Thought we could start a little support group. I know I could do with it!

[TisIthecat]

Not anymore - he's now a strapping 6yo but he was. I remember how lonely it was and how scary.
Are you still in hospital?

[sophied1983]

I am... as I've not been very well either. Am on a four bed ward and two beds are occupied by mums with their newborns which is hard to be around.

I just keep on crying every time I see her in the incubator. And then crying whenever I think about the whole situation and suppose I just feel a bit sorry for myself?!

Doesn't help that I've been in hospital for ten days now after the longest induction process ever. And I'm obviously healing and mending too - was in intensive care myself after she was born.

Just get sad that I don't know what her cry sounds like or how she smells. Just want to cuddle her and never let her go.

It has been really tough on my hubby too, so am worried about his state of mind.

[Toocold]

I have been and will be again, my dd is 11 now but was very ill when she was born, she is now nearly as tall as me and is fine, it was so very hard to go through it and I remember feeling really upset that I wasn't the first to bath her, feed her or change her but now it's all ok as there have been so many other firsts as there will be for you. We will be doing it all again in Dec, as the one I'm expecting is also poorly ( different thing) weirdly my son has been ok. What is wrong with your little one? and do you have a timescale of roughly you expect to be there? It will get easier I promise x

[Toocold]

Don't forget your hormones will be flying all over the place and crying can be a release so don't hold it in, re your husband he has watched you and his baby being seriously ill, it will take its toll. Be kind to one another.

[TisIthecat]

Being on a ward with other babies must be so difficult. I had a tiger midwife who managed to get me in a private room when I came back from the delivery unit without my baby. It definitely made it easier. Are there any single rooms where you are? Is it worth asking?

I also cried for weeks after we came out. Be gentle with yourselves - you have been through an awful lot.

[sophied1983]

They haven't really said anything about timings yet. We both had an infection so that was the first thing, then she's had issues with blood sugars. At first she was throwing up the food they gave her and her poo was a funny colour, so they thought something might be up with her digestive system, but now it's just the sugars. They have to really slowly lower the amount she's on to see how she reacts, so it's quite a drawn out process. Am trying to express as much as I can, but obviously without her stimulating me, it's hard, but will persevere. Getting out about 5-10ml each time I use the machine.

[sophied1983]

They seem so busy, I'm the worst at making a fuss, so suck it all up but then get upset which is daft. When we first came down here onto the ward, they cot for baby was still in my bay and I flipped out and got really upset saying I didn't want that in there etc.

[TisIthecat]

Just seen your other thread. Mine was also a whopper. He was the same size as all the other babies in nicu put together!
Charlotte is a lovely name.
Are you able to wander round to see her whenever you like? When ds was first admitted my iron levels were so low I could barely walk from my ward to his so I was reluctant to go on my own and had to wait for dh to come with me. They did recover quite fast and after 24hrs his ng tube was removed and I was the on-call milk machine skipping round happily whenever he demanded a feed.

[MrsCampbellBlack]

My NICU baby is now 8 years old but I remember how terrifying it all was. Do ask if they have a private room for you - you should be a priority for one as long as you don't need constant observation yourself.

The expressing is really hard to begin with but will get easier.

Hope you are both out of hospital very soon.

[Toocold]

I'm not surprised you flipped out, you've been through a big ordeal. She's in the right place and you'll get through this, try and take it a day at a time, it feels like forever when you are in the midst of it all, but you will all come out so much stronger, you are already stronger than you probably ever knew. In years to come you'll look back at this time and realise how far you've all come and things that used to matter will be put into perspective for you. You'll need time to adjust and accept this wasn't an ideal situation or the birth you had planned but you are both here and that is the important thing and how we is fed really doesn't matter as long as she is and you are doing brilliantly under the circumstances.

[sophied1983]

Look how cute she is...

[TisIthecat]

They will all be busy but you are also their patient so they will make time for you.
Can you express looking at a photo of her? I know a lot of people find that helpful.
She's also very young so her stomach will be very small (the size of a walnut I think). She may not take more than 5-10ml at a feed if she were feeding from your breast so don't worry about the amount. You're producing milk for her and that's a brilliant achievement.

[TisIthecat]

She's gorgeous! Well done you!

[MrsCampbellBlack]

She is beautiful!

[HyacinthFuckit]

I had a private room when one of mine was in, fortunately quite briefly. Shocked you've been put on the ward tbh.

[Toocold]

Very beautiful baby, do you feel up to asking to be moved to a private room?

[earthmoon]

Don't be surprised if they say all the private rooms you would need to pay for. At first they gave me a private room as all the bays were full and when space opened up i was told to either pay or move to the communal bay. Ds3 was born just last month and was in for 15 days in NICU. However, it's always good to ask.

[sophied1983]

Looks like I'm being discharged today which will be good for me and hubby to be together after ten nights apart.

They are checking if the bedroom on NICU is free so Charlotte and I can be together for one night before I come back but I won't hold my breath!

[politics31]

My now 2 year old was also in Nicu with blood sugar problems (nothing wrong with him now except spilling his cereal everywhere!) so I remember it well. I was also discharged before he was which was really hard but I was so pleased to get home after a long induction and hospital stay I felt weirdly detached. If you aren't discharged today, ask the nicu nurses if they can speak to the ward to get you a private room. Are there any patient liason type volunteers on the nicu? They are often really helpful. With regards to your husband, I understand the worrying about them, it definitely affected mine and to be honest it's only now we are expecting our second he's really processing what we went through but we've both tried to be understanding of each others experience and give it time and it's getting better. Give it time, you are still in the moment and often you can't heal until it's all over. Thinking of you

[Kel1234]

My little boy is 1, but he was in for 12 days when he was born due to a chest infection. I remember how horrible it was, especially the so called caring nurses. How is your little one now?

[elliejjtiny]

My now 2 year old was in for 5 days after we both got an infection too. He then joined me on the postnatal ward for 3 more days. My 3 year old was in for 4 weeks when he was born. It's really hard, especially if you are with other mums who have their babies with them.

[Kel1234]

Last poster, that is so true. I was put on the postnatal ward, with 5 other mums who had their babies and visitors, and I wasn't even allowed to see my baby until the following day, as they were doing tests and so on. For me that was possibly even harder than him being there in the first place. I missed him so much.

[Considerphebas]

Hi Sophied DD did 3 weeks on NICU and transitional care after needing an operation. She's now ten weeks and they were the longest, weirdest weeks of my life! I was in the postnatal ward without her and I agree it's so hard, especially the other Mum who started questioning me about where she was and if she would be ok! I came home for a week without her and again it was so hard, I just wanted to be with her but then at hospital I wanted to be at home relaxing and then when we were discharged I was terrified and wanted to go back. I'm still very anxious around her health and she has a few ongoing issues that have resulted in a few overnight stays on the paeds ward.
When you all get home I would recommend looking for a local support group for NICU mums, I rang bliss a few times and found them great but also wanted to meet other parents who knew how it felt and wouldn't comment quite so constantly on how tiny she is! The coming home from NICU is a big transition so be gentle on yourself I'd you don't feel as joyful as everyone expects.
Pumping wise- I used to get 10-15 MLS a pump, by two weeks I could sometimes get 20 but even now more then that is rate- despite that DD is breastfed with one bottle of prescription milk a day to help with her weight gain and some other issues, the biggest thing I found helped was relaxing as a pumped and making sure I kept going for a minute or two after my milk and finished to try and build supply.
Good luck- she looks gorgeous and I hope you're all home soon