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What happens at a debrief?

(3 Posts)
Summerflake Mon 29-Aug-16 09:23:54

4 years ago I had my DD. It was a very traumatic birth which left me with an injury that took 3 years and some surgery to fix. 

I thought I was over that all now but I'm currently pregnant and keep thinking about DDs birth. 

I will have an elective section this time round but I'm still terrified! Midwife has suggested I have a debrief from DDs birth with a consultant. I'm happy to do that but not sure how it will help. I've seen my notes already and there is not a lot in them!

Anyone have any thoughts on what happens at a debrief? Any questions I should be asking? Thank you. 

redcaryellowcar Mon 29-Aug-16 09:28:10

I had a de brief session with a trained midwife and although it doesn't change anything it was useful to gently re visit it and Alps be reassured that what had happened with birth no one, was simply down to luck (bad or otherwise) and the fact it had happened once made it no more or less likely to happen a second time. She was very kind and gentle and even complimented me on how well I had coped with what had been a difficult birth. I would recommend it, but perhaps don't assume you'll get a solution. I think second births irrespective of how first ones go are often better because you know a little more of what goes on, even if second births are completely different. For starters you don't have to do the new mum bit finding your feet. Best of luck.smile

ayria Mon 29-Aug-16 17:45:08

I was similar to you, 3 years after DS's birth and still hadn't dealt with it. I had a debrief last year not because of wanting another baby but because I wanted to see my notes and see what they never told me (which was everything!) It definately helped as I had unanswered questions for things that they did to me, why I had so many stitches. why I was cut etc. and things they prevented me from doing as DS was being born and immediately after. The ne thing that could have prevented it all was if they, the doctor, had just explained it all as before everything was going fine which messed with my head.

I had a debrief at home. An ex-idwife came to my house with my notes and she asked me questions about what happened, how I felt, she went through the notes with me and explained it all. I asked her questions and told her what happened. She couldn't tell me why no one bothered to explain what was being done to me but she could explain physical things, like why things were done.
I have since been discharged from therapy and have my own free copies my therapist gained for me. Currently 19wks pregnant after a mc at xmas, planning a homebirth and going nowhere near a hospital after my last scan tomorrow.

But if you say you've seen your notes and there's not a lot in there I would think the next best thing would be to just book the appt anyway and go though your notes with someone who has knowledge of childbirth, supervisor of midwives. You can go through what happened with them and they may be able to answer your questions regardless of lack of notes. I hope it helps you. Every pregnancy and birth is different. I found I have separated each pregnancy from the last and it's got me to this point.
Oh also if you haven't already join Birth Trauma Association on Facebook. It's a closed group and there's loads of women on there who will offer you advice and support. You don't have to explain yourself and no one judges.

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