The fear.....(16 Posts)
I'm 34 weeks, and just wondered if anyone else is having the "fear" .......
I have nightmares every night about giving birth, every time I think about it I feel sick. I know this probably sounds a bit irrational but I've heard / read some horror stories about labour and just wonder how I will get through it. I am absolutely terrified.
My first child, not sure what I hope to gain from this post other than my husband keeps telling me "millions of woman have done it you will be fine" which is not really reassuring me lol.
Birth is all a bit of a blur. I had lovely midwives, a supportive if knackered partner and drugs to take the edge off. You quickly forget the experience and then decide to have another. You fears are real but you will get through it. Good luck. X
It's only scary before you do it, once you're in labour you just know what to do and just crack on, you don't even think
Yes sometimes things go wrong (have done with me twice) but even then it's not "argh it's all going wrong" the professionals take over and make you feel like it's all completely normal and exactly how it should be
Honestly, it'll be fine
And probably the easiest part of being a parent
It's scary, it hurts - a lot, there are moments of madness but it's gonna happen and you'll get through it and be really proud of yourself. And as pp said, you'll probably do it a few more times. Good luck!!
You can do it. I found reading Ina May Gaskin's "Spiritual Midwifery" very helpful, it's a lovely mix of science and woo. If nothing else the accounts of nipple-twiddling hippies are great!
I was scared - not to the point of nightmares etc, but more of a fear of the unknown and a "omg what if I can't do this?" feeling.
Turns out those fears were a good thing. They were good because then when the time actually came, it was nowhere near as bad as what I was expecting!!
It hurts. You know that it's going to hurt. But that pain is enabling your body to do the incredible job it was designed to do and remember, there are no medals for doing it drug-free!! If you feel you need pain relief, take it!
My labour was really quick - 3hrs from first contraction to baby being born - so I didn't really have time to contemplate whether I needed drugs or not because by the time it got to the point of "omg I can't do this", I had an unmistakable urge to push, and my Dd was born 30 mins later! And the actual pushing stage was the least painful part for me - I felt like I could push the pain out of my body, so it was a relief really.
Ignore everyone's horror stories. You know things can go wrong, but things going wrong is not as common as you think - you only hear about it so often because people love to share a horror story your birth experience will be unique to you bad your baby, don't let anyone else's horror stories influence that.
I'm a firm believer that humans are just another animal on the planet, and we have been taught by society to fear birth. Watch a video of a dog or a tiger give birth - they are not afraid and panicking. They are calm, and relaxed because they know it will allow them to give birth in the easiest way possible. I watched lots of animal birth videos before D-day (as weird as that sounds ) but it really helped me!
I'm was very apprehensive before I had my dc. I tried to approach it as 'I will cross the bridge when I get to it'. People love to tell you the horror stories, but I shut them down before they start. Afterwards, you forget most of it and are just glad that your baby is here. Try to relax and get some rest beforehand so you're relaxed and not too tired.
I think having The Fear is actually pretty healthy and positive - I had no fear with my first, just because I was too young and thick to actually stop and think about it. So when the pain came I panicked, thinking that this wasn't how it was meant to be and something was badly wrong. And there is a bit of a conspiracy of silence around childbirth - I wish someone had pointed out to me that the reason they're explaining pain relief is because it will hurt like fuck. It sounds to me like you're a lot better prepared.
But you forget - it's however many hours of awfulness and then it's over and you have your baby. You do forget so quickly. Good luck!
I won't say it doesn't hury but drugs help a LOT. You don't get an extra medal for doing it without drugs. Remember in most of europe and the USA epidurals are given as standard.
I had a horrid labour BUT you really do get in "the zone" and just get on with it.
Fret not OP. Like others have said, you just end up cracking on with/without drugs and totally agree with the poster (sorry not to namecheck but am on phone) who said that the pushing bit was the least hard!
Would it help to give you a positive story? I had DD (first and only baby) at home with no pain relief. Not because I'm anti pain relief AT ALL, simply because I wanted to stay at home so my only option was gas and air and once I was in established labour I sort of forgot about it as I had gone into my own little world. Truthfully? I know it hurt like buggery at some points but my (amazing) midwife told me something that stuck with me- that the pain would never be too much for me, and she was right. Good luck!
Thank you all so much for your kind words, I really do appreciate it, I was in mild panic mode earlier and I think I was just working myself up a bit.
Unfortunately I'm allergic to anaesthetic so I won't be able to get an epidural but will have gas and air to hopefully see me though.
Has really helped reading your replies, thanks again
You'll do it one step at a time and you'll feel like you've conquered the world afterwards. There is nothing to be fearful of, just let your body do its thIng.
Everything that could go wrong did go wrong with mine, ending in my worst case scenario, and you know what, it is the most positive experience of my life.
Ca you have pethidine or diamorphine? Also I founds Tens machine amazing as did most of my friends so would highly recommend one and just keep ramping up the power.
I forgot to add that as you approach your due date the fear will leave and be replaced with I HAVE TO GET THIS BABY OUT NOW, especially if you're overdue.
The Fear is completely normal and healthy OP. I just had gas and air with my 2 DC and it was ok. Have you spoken to your midwife about other psin relief options? I have heard great things about water births but both my DC came so quick they could not fill the pool in time. What kept me going was the thought of a tiny person needing to get out of me, and that was more important than any pain I may be feeling. And my DH made the same comments, and I used to say "well this woman has never given birth so it will be the first time for me!"
Op I felt exactly the same and cried many times before DC1, I got the fear also with DC2 (3 weeks old) but much later on and in more of a 'I don't want to do it again' way.
Both of my labours were completely straightforward, quick, easy water births, with no pain relief at all. If you'd asked me before DC1, id have insisted on an elective section!! I'm no martyr believe me, I just didn't feel the need for it.
The pain was completely bareable for me. I kept active and focused.
My overwhelming thoughts going into labour (especially the first time) were 'it'll be what it is" I had very little actual control over it. I can control my reaction but not what happens.
I would also echo a PP who said that your body will be able to cope (well the vast majority of people anyway). Also, remember it's a positive pain, you aren't sick etc, the pain is finite and will come to an end, and every contraction is a contraction less that you have to go through.
Also (!!) I (embarrassingly) didn't know that contractions only last a minute. They rise to a peak and fade, the greatest pain is relatively fleeting. I between, there is no pain whatsoever!! Weird!!
I would highly recommend reading Birth Skills by Juju Sundin. It really helped ease my fears.
Finally, good luck!!
I've found hypnobirthing really helpful, if it's too late/expensive to go on a course there are loads of resources online.
In essence: all you need to do is breathe and relax.
Also watch hypnobirthing/gentle birth videos on YouTube, they're really inspiring.
Yes it'll hurt, yes loads of things could go 'wrong' - but try to let your body take over from your brain, this is literally what us mammals are made for.
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