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What was your second birth like?

(50 Posts)
MumOnACornishFarm Mon 04-Jul-16 00:23:06

DS1 is 12 months old. Labour was 18 hours, lots and lots of pushing. Had gas & air, then pethidine, then epidural with 2 top-ups even though he was teeny tiny. I tore badly and needed 18 stitches, some of them internal which later become infected. Recovery was slow, and I felt the whole experience was very brutal, although the care I received was excellent. Expecting DS2 in late October. I can expect a bigger baby this time (DS1 low weight was due to a birth defect, I hate that term).

So if you needed the whole sweet shop of drugs first time around, did you need it again for your second birth? If you tore with your first, did it happen again with DC2? And have you hsd any joy using hypnobirthing? If so, please share your experience with me.

Basically, please reassure me! I'm scared it will be brutal and frightening again. Thanks in advance.

DramaAlpaca Mon 04-Jul-16 00:29:35

You poor thing, you had a rough time flowers

I had a 21 hour labour with DC1, had an epidural and then an episiotomy because I needed a low forceps delivery.

With DC2, who was born 16 months later, labour was much quicker, about 12 hours, and all I needed was gas & air. I tore slightly and had stitches which took a while to heal, but it was OK.

I didn't try hypobirthing and don't know much about it, so can't give any opinions on that.

Hope it goes well for you.

fatowl Mon 04-Jul-16 00:34:39

dd1's sounded similar to your without the nasty tear, but I ended up with a nasty bladder infection afterwards.

DD2 started gently at home, but progressed very quickly and was almost born in a hospital lift and scared the shit out of a student midwife. We just about made it to the delivery room (but only just)

PeaceNotPieces Mon 04-Jul-16 00:38:03

You're going to get a mixed bag of responses that won't really help I'm afraid... Each birth is different.

I could tell you about my average first birth -with just gas and air, v long back to back-em ventrouse 2nd with three days of diamorphine, pools and gas and air and my most painful on earth 3rd back to back with half a diamorphine, tens, birthing ball and Gas and air quickest delivery out of the three....

It won't help. I questioned if 2nd and 3rd will be quicker than the last the mw told you what I'm telling you now...all births are different and there are no rules...I know that doesn't help-sorry.

Be prepared as at least now you know partly what to expect.

Good luck X

MumOnACornishFarm Mon 04-Jul-16 00:38:15

Thank you Drama. Sounds like you had a rough ride too. flowers My DCs will also be 16 months apart, and that's a whole other thread of panic and worry!

Did you find you recovered faster after your second? Also (bit personal this one so feel free to tell me to bugger off!) did you find that the episiotomy or the tear healed better? I hear different things and my MW says a tear heals better, but I'm not sure. I'm terrified of tearing like that again.

MadisonAvenue Mon 04-Jul-16 00:40:35

Incredibly quick. 44 minutes from waking up at home with back ache to delivering him at the hospital 10 miles away. We only just made it and his birth was the first witnessed by a student midwife, who was told not to expect every delivery to be so quick and easy.

MumOnACornishFarm Mon 04-Jul-16 00:41:12

Peace I've no doubt you're right. I'm just desperate to feel reassured! I can't work out whether having been through it before and knowing a bit about how it might go makes it better or worse. Last time I was in blissful ignorance, didn't even go to ante natal classes.

MumOnACornishFarm Mon 04-Jul-16 00:43:05

Wow Madison! That baby was in a hell of a rush. Must have been a shock for you all. shock I hope mine takes a little longer, we'll never make it to the hospital in 44 minutes!

PeaceNotPieces Mon 04-Jul-16 00:47:15

Sorry-my answer wasn't reassuring at all. But I'd love to have a furry, pink warm baby on my chest like you will soon-making those lovely baby noises and being so soft and wrinkly.
Best wishes op-it's such a special time

MadisonAvenue Mon 04-Jul-16 00:52:25

Mum I was relieved more than shocked - he was two weeks late and I was due at the hospital to be induced later that day. If it hadn't been in the early hours we wouldn't have made it to the hospital. The roads were very quiet and by some miracle every traffic light we came to was on green.

MumOnACornishFarm Mon 04-Jul-16 00:53:18

Ahh thank you Peace smile

DramaAlpaca Mon 04-Jul-16 00:56:14

I don't mind answering. Honestly, my episiotomy healed better. Second time around they offered me an episiotomy but I said I'd rather tear as I'd heard they healed better. In retrospect I should have had the episiotomy as the tear seemed to take forever to heal in comparison. I was sitting on an inflatable cushion for weeks grin

it might be reassuring to hear that I had DC3 a couple of years later and got away with a slight graze that didn't need stitching at all.

As for the 16 month gap - you survive!

MumOnACornishFarm Mon 04-Jul-16 00:58:48

That's really good to hear, thanks for being so open with your answer Drama. I think I'm going to talk to my MW again about the episiotomy as an option, if it's needed.

MumOnACornishFarm Mon 04-Jul-16 07:27:43

Sorry, blatant attempt to bump this thread, any positive hypnobirthing experiences out there?

PaintedDrivesAndPolishedGrass Mon 04-Jul-16 07:43:14

No hypno birthing experience but second time was so much better for me ( and my baby)
DS1...33hr labour, 7lb baby, too much pethadine, baby born flat, needed resuscitating, many stitches. I was in shock for months.
DS2...16hr labour, 8lb baby, gas and air only, no cutting, no stitches.
DS3.... Even better 😊 81/2lb baby, 4hr labour, gas and air, no stitches.
22 years later I still have horrible flashbacks to labour 1.

AbbeyRoadCrossing Mon 04-Jul-16 07:50:46

flowers OP, your first birth sounded tough.

As above - all births are different. My first was a premature emcs so I was very nervous for my second. And I also have a small age gap so know that anxiety too.
As it happens my second was a very nice elcs, as these things go anyway.

I think the second time you will be more opinionated about what you want and don't want and go into it with eyes open as it were. I was much more prepared and forthright on the postnatal ward.

So although it can't be predicted I really hope the second is better for you

PS small age gap is very hard work BUT it is the best thing I did now I'm 8 months in. They have a very good relationship and DS was too young to be jealous. In fact I don't think he remembers being on his own now! However I realise that wasn't your question grin

MumOnACornishFarm Mon 04-Jul-16 07:51:58

Painted your first sounds very traumatic, I'm impressed you tried again after that. Glad to hear your 2nd and 3rd were easier. Think I had too much pethadine, too; lots of vomiting. Was there anything you did that you think helped with 2 and 3, or do you think it was just that your body was more prepared for it?

PotteringAlong Mon 04-Jul-16 07:53:53

Much easier, better and less painful than the first. I'm now pregnant with DC3 - I'm hoping it gets easier again grin

MumOnACornishFarm Mon 04-Jul-16 07:57:23

AbbeyRoad I'm so glad to hear this, thank you! The small gap was planned so they could grow up doing things together, but there are days when I think "what am I doing? Was this your most brilliant idea ever?" I'm telling myself that things might to tough to start but will ease when DS2 can sit up. That was a wonderful watershed moment for us all with DS1 and everything started to fall into place.

PaintedDrivesAndPolishedGrass Mon 04-Jul-16 08:34:14

Op, I was made to feel such a failure by the last midwife I had ( there were many shift changes during the 33 hrs) she actually slapped my leg and shouted at me when I was being stitched up. I had this thing then where I needed to prove her wrong. Bit silly now looking back. I think I took control in my head for my second labour. I point blank refused pethadine even though they kept trying to push it on me. I was actually hallucinating the first time around, I thought my Dad was trying to reverse his trailer into the room and then thought I'd given birth to a frog😮. 2nd labour I asked to be left to get on with it and they did, more or less. I let my body do its thing. I had a lovely midwife who popped in and told me I was brave several times which was nice but I didn't feel brave just powerful I think because I was in control. Gave birth ( not to any variety of amphibian 😀) had a doze, shower and home with my lovely baby and mentally stuck two fingers up to the midwife who was so nasty. Good luck lovely, I hope you have a much better experience.

AddictedtoGreys Mon 04-Jul-16 08:47:07

Watching with interest as I am also expecting DC2, due in 8 weeks and had a difficult birth first time around confused

AbsolutelyIDo Mon 04-Jul-16 09:19:34

Also staying tuned. Expecting dc2 in 10 weeks and after meconium in waters: induction: epidural: ventouse last time I'm not sure what to expect this time and wondering if my hopes of a water birth with gas and air are as pie in the sky as last time!

MumOnACornishFarm Mon 04-Jul-16 09:20:18

Wow Painted what an experience. My heart goes out to you; nobody expects their first birth to go like that. Congratulations to you on your 3 non-amphibian children! I think what you and others have said about more in control and more confident to say what I think second time around is right. Just hope I don't get an awful leg-slapping midwife. confused

MumOnACornishFarm Mon 04-Jul-16 09:21:55

Congratulations and good luck Addicted and Absolutely.

Whoopsydo Mon 04-Jul-16 09:41:24

I have a reassuring story for you! First birth : very medicalised, induced with drip as I wasn't dilating enough, waters broken by midwife, epidural, ventouse - and I distinctly remember thinking there could be no higher level of pain. My husband and I were completely traumatised by the whole thing, and I swore that any future children would be adopted ( I really meant it, too!).
Second birth a few months ago: 3 hours from start to finish. The pain was totally manageable. I had 2 paraceramol and some gas and air for pushing. It was a million worlds apart from my first birth experience . I was so determined to have a better second birth that I did a Daisy Birthing course (you learn relaxation and breathing techniques) and bought the natal hypnotherapy CDs from amazon and listened to them relatively regularly. I would really recommend them - they helped me stay really calm. I always thought people that said they 'enjoyed' their births were weirdos - but I genuinely did. If you can, I would get the CDs even if you can't get to a class. Oh and also being in a midwife led unit the second time, instead of a hospital bed made it infinitely calmer . Good luck ! ( sorry just realised this is an essay!)

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