11 years ago I had a horrific drawn out hospital stay and birth in a poorly managed, busy, nightmarish hospital. DS got away with a crushed head (from an unnecessary forceps delivery ) and survived poor care that came close to causing serious harm. I was upset for a good while but got over it (or so I thought). Had DD at home 2.5 years later as a result. Blissful homebirth in urban area in easy flashy-light distance of hospital if something went wrong.
11 years later, 35 weeks pregnant, new partner, new area I today had to go to the delivery suite of the hospital I'm booked in at to get a quick ECG. Went there not worried. Interested to see what hospital is like. First time on a delivery suite since my DS 11 years ago. 11 YEARS!. My heckles went up instantly. Then a lady came in wailing in labour. I found myself bunched over, rocking, with my hands on my ears. Then managed to walk off. Was sobbing, shaking mess. Never experienced anything like it.
I want a homebirth but I'm 35 mins now from a hospital. Wanted a hospital birth to be on the safe side but I KNOW that if that's my reaction then I can't labour somewhere like that. It was beyond fear. If I experienced that in labour that fear would stop me coping and I wouldn't be surprised if the birth stopped altogether and I ended up with a cascade of interventions, maybe even leading to history repeating itself.
What the hell happened to me in there and what should I do?
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Childbirth
Delivery suit PTSD?! 10 years on?! What should I do?
4 replies
freakedoutlady · 29/06/2016 20:33
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