Been let down last min re childcare for DC1(20 Posts)
I'm just feeling cross and sorry for myself. I 'booked' my sister at Xmas to look after my DD whilst I am induced (in 2 weeks time) with DC2 and she's let me down - we realised a month back she had forgotten/confused the date and booked a holiday. My parents cannot leave their aging, ill dog apparently. He's been 'on his last legs' for months and has the shits frequently. Both of our families live 3-4 hrs away so we need someone to come and stay. I feel let down by them both. None of my friends are free - too short notice with leave/holidays - and I'll now have to have my PIL. Now my DD will think this is great, she loves MIL, but I have a hard relationship with my MIL. We keep it away from my DD but we find it hard to not cross swords and if I've just given birth and am trying to establish feeding I can't really see her being any more sensitive. Last time she let it be known she felt breastfeeding was hogging the baby and she asked me if my stomach was 'the next baby' which she thought was hilarious as a comment . I didn't want them. WTF did I do in a previous life?? I don't want to have a sore undercarriage and leaking tits in front of people I don't feel comfortable with and who will probable over stay their welcome. I'm feeling really tearful about all this. I've sent a text to them both today which was restrained but made the point. I'm to be induced at 39 weeks - I'm just going to have to try everything I can to shift this baby so it's a case of a few hours with a school mum friend and we can manage and not a days on end job. I'd happily go it alone but my DH wants to be there. So pissed off .
Could you arrange for DD to have a 'sleepover' with a close friend?
I'm a bit confused you said at the start you need someone to look after DC1 whilst giving birth, and then you talk about MIL after the birth. Couldn't you drop eldest at PIL whilst giving birth and collect them afterwards?
PIL are 3 1/2 hours away so it's too far to drop DD off. PIL are in their 70s so if they come down to help they stay
as long as possible. They feel they are too old to drive back if tired, or its dark and they don't have much on so they are just happy to stay. My DD is only 3 so I feel she could stay at a friends - or her childminders to some extent but not overnight. It's more diff as we don't know the exact dates: depends if preemptive sweep works - if not they've said they try a pessary over 12 hrs and then the dreaded drip - so they can't tell me when as its depends on beds etc. They've just said be prepared it may take hours or days to get you going. Somehow DH is going to have to ship his parents off asap when I come home. They just wont like it and they will think I'm being 'off' with them: they will regard it that I consider them good enough to babysit but not good enough to stay - which is perhaps a fair point - hence I tried to really avoid needing them
We are lucky to have lovely Parents but unfortunately they live a long way away and so we arranged for DS to have a sleepover with friends. He was so excited about it and it made the whole thing more special to him. Could you do something similar?
Can't you just go on your own and leave DD with DH?
I had DD1 on my own, it was fine!
Can you afford to book a hotel for them the night you get home? Whilst they probably won't be happy, yours and baby's wellbeing is most important.
Could your parents put the dog down?
On second thoughts, better not suggest that to them.
What about booking a hotel for the night after your induction say for three nights. Then you can control when they come over and are there incase you take longer being induced.
I have no suggestions, sorry, but I can see how this would be so upsetting.
What did your sister say about the clash - just out of interest?
Personally I'd rather have my DD stay with the childminder than have people who will just be a pain
Bit off of your parents to put the dog before you. I'd have though one of them could have stepped up.
Could you get childcare for the days and have DH mind her at night? Not ideal but he could at least be with you a bit...
Tough call though. I'd be really hurt by parents and sister in your shoes.
Does your daughter have any friends that she could go for sleepovers and have school and after school club booked? Could you juggle it that way?
Thanks all. I don't think there really is a solution. DD is 3 and usually up in the night at least once at the moment with her eczema so I think she too young
or tell me if I'm being a bit PFB? and hard for sleepovers. I'm just really pissed off at my family for being so fucking flaky.
Hopelessly: I'd seriously like to offer the money to put the dog down at the moment!!
Eminado: My sister managed to dodge the issue by reassuring me my mum would help. They are all aware of the delicacies of my relationship with MIL. I'm really pissed off though. How can a bloody dog come before meeting your grandchild?? And I'd be mortified if I double booked something like this. I've helped my sister out with summer childcare year after year before I had kids I kind of don't even want my mum to come after her prioritising the bloody dog. He's really old bless him but it's very unlikely he will be here in another month or so. He's hardly eating and shitting profusely.
I think it's either labour alone - which I'm quite up for - or grin and bare it with grace: after all at least my PIL are reliable
though completely overbearing.
Secretly hoping I start off on my own and theres no time to faff and I have to go it alone.
I've heard trampolines and walking one foot on and one foot off the curb helps? But would it work at 38/39 weeks?? An evening of nipple tweaking ahead perhaps.
Thanks all - I just wanted to vent how upset I am. There has been a deathly silence in response to my text today to my mum and sister in which I basically said don't bother yourselves I'll get my MIL to help.
Can't one of your parents stay with the dog and the other come to help you?
I think their priorities are all wrong, I would be upset.
I am at your sister more than your parents to be honest. You asked her in advance fgs.
I understand dh wants to be there but your needs trump his. He stays with dd.
I did thus with dc4 as pil only option and that wasn't happening. The staff were lovely.
Giving birth in my own was actually a great experience! the midwife who came on at 7 was due to go at 3, but at 3 I was fully dilated and ready to roll, so bless her she stayed and held my hand as the new one took over for the last bit 😊 I didn't have to worry about if anyone else was alright or hear any whinging about being tired etc, I just relaxed and focused fully on me. I would definitely do it again,no problem!
If you do go it alone, you'll be ok OP
Why does it take both your parents to look after the dog?
Suggest your mum comes to you to look after dd and your dad stays to look after the dog
Can you find a birthing partner? You're DH can stay with dd1 that way.
It's crappy for you-I'm quite shocked you're family are being so uncaring.
I would have her stay with the childminder, she knows her and probably has had day sleeps there. The child minder will be happy for dh to pick her up when needed. I had my little mindee over night when her mum gave birth, we kept in touch a lot over the week leading up to birth and then it looked like mum would go into labour in the middle of Sunday night so I suggested it would be better for little one if she came the night before and had tea ect. I was able to text mum and tell her all was well. She text me at about 8 to tell me all was well and she now had a little boy and dad was going home for a sleep and would come at about 12 and pick her up. She loved having a sleep over and sleeping in my 9 year olds room with her ( she normally sleep in a different room but its feels a long way away and we had a reasonable quake a few weeks before and I needed to be able to get to her quickly. I am not in UK)
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.