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So scared abo birth - positive stories please.(46 Posts)
After measuring big at my last 2 midwife appointments I am being sent for a growth scan. Started to google big babies which is a terrible idea! I am terrified of giving birth and all I hear is scary stories of things that have gone wrong.
So in an effort to feel more positive let's have any positive birth stories. I'm not trying to gloss over the pain and very much understand that it will not be sunshine and roses but REALLY need to focus on the positives! Thank you in advance!
My DS was on the larger end of normal (9lbs ish) and I'm a petite 5ft2 pre-pregnancy size six. I had a completely normal birth, it hurt like nothing I've ever experienced before but then that's kind of to be expected. I tore but plenty of friends with smaller babies did too. I went home about 8 hours after delivery, both DS and I were doing well. I healed well afterwards and all in all it was as boring as births get.
I was petrified but I can safely say it wasn't as bad as I thought. I'd got myself into a right state worrying about it.
I had a long latent stage - lots of stop starting for 10 days but the last stint was the lunchtime after my waters had gone the night before.
Contractions started after a walk to the shop to get lunch and supplies at about 1. Built gradually until it was time to call. All very manageable, watching films over a birthing ball, dosing on the sofa etc. Just had paracetamol once at home.
Got stuck in rush hour for an hour getting to hospital between 5 & 6 as our hospital closed and we had to go to the next one - this wasn't ideal. Baby arrived, swiftly at 7.15.
I did tear quite badly but I didn't know until the midwife said. Bit disappointing to have to have a spinal block after doing the rest of it on paracetamol but not the end of the world. Good to be in hospital and get help with BFing as I would have probably given up had I been at home straight away.
Good luck. Try to think about the next stages - I found having a baby much more difficult than the birth. I had obsessed about the wrong bit!
Although meconium meant I had to leave the birth pool and ended up having ventouse, the pain was managable, I had only gas and air. Its so difficult to describe the pain during childbirth, especially when labour really gets going, as you are so aware its for a reason. Every contraction has a purpose, I found that I felt so focused and went to a different place almost during each contraction. I haven't forgotten the pain, I still remember being exhausted at the end of it but as soon as my dd was born I just realised that it was all worth it and the pain I'd just been in didnt matter at all. I'd happily do it all again!
Apathetic I'm the same height as you and a size 8 before pregnancy. Im so happy to hear some positive things, sometimes I think people delight in terrifying pregnant women with horror stories!
Try not to worry too much. I found my 9lb 2oz son a lot easier to give birth to than his 5lb 11oz sister
My first baby weighed 6lb 6 and I had to be induced as she was 2 weeks overdue. Labour was fairly swift, I was in a haze of pethidine and my baby went back to back meaning we had to have a ventouse delivery.
My second baby measured large so I had to have additional tests. He weighed 8lb 11 at birth. I was 7cm dilated by the time I got to the hospital and he was born a few hours later in the birthing pool having just used a bit of gas and air. We had a really positive experience and I much preferred my son's birth. A bigger baby doesn't necessarily mean more pain.
Besides our bodies are amazing, please don't be scared.
I psyched myself up when I was pregnant for childbirth to be the most horrific experience on this planet......and when it actually came down to it, it was nowhere near as bad as I had expected.
Obviously, it hurts. You know that. But it's a very unique kind of pain. For me, the pushing stage was the easiest part. I felt as if I could push the pain away with every contraction, and then the feeling of DD's head actually coming out was the best relief I've ever experienced in my life! It was as if I had this huge amount of pressure suddenly release - like a champagne cork popping. All the pressure just disappeared and it was amazing.
During the first stage of labour, I kept telling myself (out loud sometimes!) that each contraction was one step closer to the end.
And please keep in mind that you have all the pain relief options there. If you feel you need something, take it. Don't try to be a hero. There's no medal for doing it without drugs - make the experience as easy and comfortable for yourself as you can. My labour was so fast (3 hours start to finish), I managed with gas and air, but had my labour been longer, I don't doubt that I would have gone for some form of opiate pain relief!
Its important to remember as well that even if, on paper, the birth doesn't turn out as you hoped, it can still be a very positive experience.
99% of the memories I have about DD's birth are positive, despite the fact that a 2 day labour ended up with a stuck baby, a failed ventouse and an EMCS. my midwives were great, my DH was great, DD wasn't distressed, the pain was entirely manageable, I felt supported and listened to and cared for.
it wasn't the method of birth that I would have chosen, but the overall experience of birth was positive.
I was frightened too but honestly it wasn't that bad. Yes it hurts a lot but I coped and the midwives were amazing at encouraging me to keep going. I had a quick labour and it was all over in 4 hours.
I found pushing the worst bit and contractions more managable. I had diamorphine and slept for an hour inbetween 5-10cms.
I tore but even that part wasn't as bad as I imagined, in fact I didn't actually feel it until after!
When I think back I don't actually remember the specifics...I remember it hurt but not exactly what it felt like
No matter how it happens you will cope and have a lovely baby at the end
My best friend had her baby yesterday and was told she'd be big, and she was just 8lbs 3, growth scans weren't accurate. Another friend of mine was told she was having a 10lber and she had a 8lber.
Regarding positive birth stories, I am a bit of a wimp and thought there was no way I would handle birth, my DH didn't think I would either. I was lucky in that my labour was just over five hours from the first contraction and I managed without any pain relief, I really surprised myself. I did use hypnobirthing techniques to keep myself calm and positive in the third trimester and then during labour. I didn't do a course, just bought book and cd.
Had two DC 13 months apart. Both normal deliveries, no intervention, and I had gas and air as pain relief. Labour with my first was 9 hours (7lb7) and with my second (9lb2) it was 3 hrs from first twinge to having my lovely baby nestled in my arms.
Would happily give birth again... It's just the 9 months of pregnancy that put me off a bit!! I found the pregnancies, with all their symptoms and niggles, so much harder than the births.
PS they often get the size completely wrong. I was sent for a scan with DC2 at around week 36, as midwife concerned there had been no growth from the previous week?? She was 9lb2!! Also I was huuuuuge with my first, and she was only 7lb7. I think I had lots of fluid.
I've banged out 2 babies 23 months apart. Labours lasting 4hrs (45mins "active") and about 2 hrs (20mins "active"). No birth story to tell as all v straightforward. One in hosp and one at home (midwife just about arrived in time to catch number 2, she still had her coat on!).
The trouble is that people with interesting stories tell their stories which is why you only hear horrid things. Straightforward deliveries aren't worth the tale.
Like some PP, I was told that my DC2 would be big but actually he was exactly 50th percentile for birth weight.
I had SPD when pregnant with DC1 which made movement difficult/painful so I was preparing myself for a really difficult birth. In actual fact the SPD got much better in the last few days before birth and, although I had a long labour, it was all very textbook. Clearly there was some pain but nothing that I couldn't manage with a bit of gas and air. DC2 was actually even easier.
My one piece of advice to you is that I found that feeling in control of what was happening really helped me to be relaxed and positive. For me this meant having a birthing plan (even if you ignore it when the real thing happens it can make you feel under control), visiting the hospital so I knew what to expect and planning how DH could help me in the delivery room (massage etc).
Good luck- it will all be worth it
I won't go into detail, as I had a birth that didn't go to plan and had some things go wrong - but I wanted to say it can still be fine. If someone had told me beforehand some of the things that might have happened then I would have been petrified, but at the time it was alright. I spaced out a lot of the time, so while on paper it might seem scary to read about a few days of low-level contractions, your mind and body finds its own way of just going along with it. And when the less good things happened I felt cared for, considered, had things explained to me and both understood what was happening and trusted that the right decisions were being made.
As a PP said, I surprised myself. It was ok, really. Not textbook, but ok. It's really easy to read the horror stories because those are what people want to talk about afterwards, but most women have a good vaginal birth or, if they do need interventions, understand and interventions and are treated with respect throughout. It's just the rarities which stand out.
My dd1 was 9lb12oz and back to back - ended up as a ventouse delivery. Yes it hurt but I had diamorphine and the gas&air and with help, pushed her out. I had a 2nd degree tear which healed well, and giving birth to her was one of the proudest moments of my life.
Ds was 9lb3oz and a simple delivery, it was dd2 at 7lb13oz that gave me my worst tear. Still, also 2 of the proudest moments of my life!
Don't stress over it and good luck xx
Thank you so much ladies. Your right the bad stuff is always so much more interesting and we often dismiss positive bith stories as being evangelical rubbish! So good to hear all your positive words!
Mine was bloody awful. But It would have been much better if I'd had the confidence to trust my own instincts about what was happening.
Seriously. Trust your body and don't let anyone fob you off or dismiss you if you feel something is not quite right. Get stroppy if necessary. That's what I wish I'd been told beforehand and it would have made the experience more positive if I'd done it.
I was the most utterly terrified person you could imagine going into child birth - but the whole experience was so wonderful in the strangest way. With my birth everything went wrong and ended up in an emergency c section - BUT I was so well looked after, all the midwives were so lovely and my 3 days of labour were actually a positive experience. You can't worry because everyone's experience is different and you never know what you're going to get - I had all the drugs and I can't remember any pain or anything negative - I can just remember the love from partner and support from midwives and obviously the wonderful outcome. You will be ok X
OP, literally everything went wrong with my birth. I had planned a home birth and ended up with an emergency c section. BUT, through it all I felt 100 percent in control, I understood what was happening and why, and everyone around me supported and reassured me and did what had to be done. All those incredibly well trained professionals did an amazing job and took care of us. And at the end of it both me and my little boy were safe and healthy. It doesn't need to be terrifying. If it's painful you can handle it - women are strong - and you can get painkillers and epidural if you don't want to. And if it doesn't go to plan there are amazing people who will make sure it is still okay.
I've only had 1 baby but labour isn't as bad as you think IMO. I was terrified but you kinda just.. go with it. I was induced so i had painful contractions before, but I had pethidine (recommend this!) and gas and air, 1 hour 20 minute labour and no tears or anything which I was scared about that the most, so pelvic floor exercised everyday and squats and you can use your pelvic floor to control the baby coming out its crazy feeling. as long as you keep it slow when the midwife says you will stretch fine for a big baby. good luck! all the best x
Epidural! I wasn't keen on the idea of one until induction sent me straight into the transition stage of labour. The pain was unbelievable (I didn't have the natural build of contractions with endorphin release) and an epidural sorted it out almost immediately. I could completely feel the contractions, but without the pain.
The most useful piece of advice about birth I got from Mumsnet. Basically it went...Yes giving birth is painful but it mostly only lasts a day and at the end you get to cuddle a newborn which is possibly the nicest thing ever.
I have always been terrible with pain - used to be sick following injections/trips to the dentist and was terrified at the prospect of childbirth. I have been incredibly lucky and had 4 DC ranging from 8lbs 5oz to 10lbs 2 with no major problems. Two were home births, two in midwife units, 3 were waterbirths and for the other I laboured in water and she was delivered when I came out to be checked (didn't bother to get back in as it all sped up). Bit of gas and air for first two labours but didn't really bother for others. I did tear each time (second degree) but easily fixed - aftermath of we birth is worse in my opinion while everything settles again but at least you have your baby then.
I do realise I have been incredibly lucky and would just say to keep an open mind - I was more than prepared to have every drug going which is why I was in MLU for first - full range of pain relief was just through the double doors at end of corridor!
Oh, and I'm 5'4", size 10 (ish nowadays!) and my easiest delivery was my second -9lbs 10oz and it was almost pleasant!
Points to remember -
You will be surrounded by people who have studied for years and do this every day.
The baby will come out somehow. It will happen.
And MOST IMPORTANTLY -
The pain is optional. You can do the whole thing numb from the waist down if needs be.
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