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why don't midwives believe you?(55 Posts)
30+1 here and starting to think about giving birth.
I read time and time again that MWs don't believe you when you say your waters have broken/lost your plug/not in active labour and then your babies are born an hour or so later so it's too late for pain relief.
This petrifies me. Why don't they believe you?
They see so many women everyday who tell them their waters have broken when they haven't.
It's easy to think they have when they actually haven't.
It's not excuseable but I think when you've seen it happen thousands of times you tend to trust your instincts as opposed to the woman in labour
My midwives told me that they'd seen me turn up at the labour ward with my pillows and hospital bag and said "she won't be needing those!".
I gave birth an hour and a half later.
But yes, they probably do see a lot of false alarms.
Pp are probably right that they do hear a number of women telling them something that just turns out not to be true. But I was so angry after having ds1- my labour started with a bang, went from nothing to full on active, and they kept telling me o couldn't possibly be ready to push or be in much pain as "you've only just started you'll have hours yet". Total labour was 2 hours 30 mins. At least when I had ds2 and 3 I knew damn well what was happening and didn't care whether they agreed!
My waters broke on the loo with my first but they didn't believe me and sent me home - I delivered early the next morning (12hr labour)
Second, I was induced as my membranes perforated and leaving me may have hurt the baby so they broke my waters
Third, I had had a really good sweep and that night, my waters broke. I was so traumatised from the first experience when the hospital didn't believe me, I waddled in in soaking wet clothes. The MW asked me for my pad to check if my waters had gone and I handed her everything - she said "ok, you're in!"
My waters were broken in labour for my 4th
With my last, he was very special. I'd had a sweep in the evening and went to sleep. At 1.30am, I woke with immense pain, 3 contractions later, I woke DH, called my Mum at 1.45am to come and look after the kids. Neighbour sat with them until Mum arrived because we had to leave ASAP. When we left home, it was 2.09am. My waters never broke, he was born in his waters and they were able to carry the waters away to dispose of them. He was born at 2.59am....... It was almost as if it never happened, it was so quick!! Before that, DC3 was my quickest at 6 hours labour (from waters breaking).
The argument I have is that no-one knows your body more than you. Women should be encouraged to follow their instincts. I am starting to think that there are so many posts here from worried mums, because they have no confidence to trust their instincts..... That's not good!
With my first I didn't know you had to phone up beforehand so just went in. Luckily I was right and gave birth less than an hour later (to be fair, I'd been having contractions since 12pm and gave birth at 7pm BUT thought it was trapped wind ). With my second I phoned up after counting my contractions and was down to 1 contraction every 5 minutes (I think ) ,I'd lost my mucus plug ,had the bloody show and all that jazz but because "I didn't sound like I was in enough pain to be in labour" I was told to "take a paracetamol and have a hot bath". My partner took my in ,anyway ,and an hour later I gave birth !!
Thing is ,I honestly wouldn't have minded a home birth but because apparently I was very close to having preclampsia they would have sent me in ,anyway. I do understand that midwives probably see a lot of time wasters though.
You can't possibly need to push she said, you were three cm 5 mins ago....5 mins later, oh hell the heads out!!!
Keep insisting till they check.
It was a consultant who didn't believe I was in active labour - midwife did and promptly examined me, I was 5cm.
I think they just need to trust their instincts and experience.
I was induced due to lack of movement and my waters went, they didn't believe me. I told them I had a feeling something wasn't quite right I wasn't believed and an hour or so later I was whisked away for an emergency c section
Actually you may want to hide your thread now. I'm sure plenty more times the mw will be right, it just doesn't get posted about!
It is frustrating. I think particularly if it is your first baby they seem to assume you don't know what you are talking about. I also think that with subsequent babies you are more certain of yourself and are able to be more forceful with them.
My waters had broken with my DD I didn't realise although I did question it and MW didn't take much notice at the time. With my DS I had what was watery discharge completely normal although I still felt wet they hadn't gone but did get checked. You can go to get checked out.
When I rang up with DC1 I had to pretend to have a contraction and couldn't talk (I had DH timing me for 1 min...!). I gave birth an hour after arriving at hospital.
I know they wouldn't have let me come in if i hadn't 'acted'.
I suppose they get a lot of false alarms, but it is annoying when they don't believe you.
I had this with DS1 - waters broke at home, loads of fluid everywhere. I didn't know you were meant to take the wet pads etc into hospital with you.
The midwife clearly did not believe me. She was only convinced when the doctor examined me and my waters had definitely gone. And then she said "well they weren't doing that before!" and looked at me as if she expected me to say something like "oh, I was sure I'd just wet myself but thought I'd come in for a laugh anyway"
I think they are worse with first time Mums, they told my DH on the phone thay I could come down but would be sent home again. When I got down there I was left in reception for an hour in established labour because I was able to breathe through the contractions, therefore couldn't be in established labour (horrendous experience labouring in front of a room full of waiting relatives) three hours later when finally on the birthing unit I had DD in my arms. Was a quick labour, just five hours from first contraction. I accept though that statistics show first time mums usually have longer labours, however I wasn't too happy at the time.
I have lost trust in my local triage. Sounds silly but they made me feel like I was going bonkers with Ds4. I'd been losing bloody show for a while and having bouts of sickness and diarrhea, aswell as period pains and all that stuff. So kind of knew things were happening as it had been the exact same with my previous labours. However I was preterm, I went up on the Wednesday got told no change to cervix, actum partis test said negative, so they said it was 99% certainty that I was not going to have a baby in next 2 weeks, but monitor was showing exactly what I could feel...contractions around every 5-6 mins. They sent me home with no steriod injections etc.
My community midwife sent me back up the next day (Thursday) saying she was unhappy and she could tell I was in early stages. This time they decided to give me the injection just incase. Went back the Friday for my second dose. And then the next day I woke up at 6am and just knew that was the day, went into hospital was placed on the monitor they was coming around every 2.5 mins. Doctor came in and looked in with a speculum and again said Oh I can't see anything really happening, she then decided to examine me properly because she could see I was in discomfort...and said Oh you are 5cm. Had my little boy 4 hours later at 34 weeks.
I will definitely be trusting my own body this time and not let anyone convince me any different.
Have to say I've found this too!
With my last baby, I knew it was happening quick..she said oh I could come get checked out to put my mind at ease. Ha yeah right. I nearly had her ok the hospital corridor.
Though tbf she was laughing and said.."to think, I was going to be sending your mummy home.."
I think sometimes they're just going on experience.
No one believed I was as far in labour as I was with DS2. I stayed at home as long as I could bear and then called the birth centre who advised me to wait at home a bit longer. I went in anyway as I started feeling like I needed to push. They weren't best pleased when I rocked up. Anyway, DS2 was born about 15 minutes later!
Two early labours here 30 weeks and 24 weeks. Insisted I'd pissed myself l, I insisted I hadn't.
Emergency sections both times.
Try and remember that people post more bad stuff than good online. For every one of us who wasn't believed by the midwife (me too!) there'll be a load who were
Ha. I went in after waters broke at 36 weeks, midwife left me in the triage room in a chair hooked up to a HB monitor, said she'd be back in ten minutes, came back after 15. I said it was really quite uncomfortable now. She looked at me like went to get a few things, came back
years a few minutes later and found I was fully dilated. Just about made it to the labour room.
I think they see so many women making a lot of fuss, sometimes about nothing, than when someone is calm it can make them massively underestimate how far along things are.
With DS1 I presented at hospital 6cms, midwife was shocked as I was lauding & smiling & not writhing around in pain. Had him 3 hours later, 12 mins after waters broke.
With DS2 I was in a lot of pain at home, not too many contractions then they all hit me with a bang. Phoned maternity unit & midwife told me "you are not in enough pain to be in labour. You will most probably have a UTI, see your GP in the morning. Take a hot bath but I think we will be getting a visit through the night for reassurance but I'm sure you'll be sent straight home"
Went for a bath, waters broke in the bath & I could feel him crowning. DP phoned maternity unit again who told him to phone an ambulance. DS2 arrived 5 minutes later. No assistance other than DP, no pain relief, ambulance crew arrived a few mins after he'd been born. The dispatcher hadn't told them I was in active labour & pushing, they thought I would be a simple hospital transfer & didn't even bring their delivery kit from ambulance. Not their faults, they were going on info they were given. One crew member said it used to be rare to get to a labouring woman after they'd given birth but now was quite common.
The midwives in the hospital after we'd been taken to get checked out had the cheek to tell me "you've made my job easy tonight!"
3 years later I still have nightmares & have since been sterilised as I can't go through that again.
Thing is, the "women know their own body" message isn't always accurate either.
I was in far more pain at 3cm with DC1 than I was at 9cm with DC2, for example. To the point where I didn't think I was ready to go into hospital with DC2, but DH insisted we set off as it was rush hour. By the time I got there I was ready to push...but if it had been up to me I'd have still been at home in the bath.
Labour is different for everyone and nobody can really claim to always know what's best. I think midwives do their best, based on lots of experience, under lots of pressure.
I was induced with my first DC and not believed that I was in labour after 36 hours since first propess. The MW refused to examine me, sent DP home and left me on my own. I was told I could have paracetamol but that that is be in for a shock when the labour actually started. I thought I was going insane with the pain. They soon believed me when I pulled the emergency cord as my waters broke a couple of hours later and I was ready to push. I was told that I labour really quickly. I don't think so, I was in labour all along
I'm pregnant again and tomorrow I have a debrief booked with the senior midwife. When going over my last birth at my booking in appointment I broke down and cried. My lovely MW arranged the debrief. Will see what the outcome is. I'm dreading it. The main thing I feel is that I didn't make myself heard and I'm angry with myself about that. So my advice is listen to your body and don't let them fob you off.
I had an awful midwife who stood with me during a contraction (after my waters had broken and I was having strong urges to push/poo) and said the contraction wasn't long enough so I wasn't far along and had hours to go yet. I was internally checked an hour later and was 10cm! Baby delivered 45m later. Oh I hate that midwife for nit believing me. My biggest regret is not insisting they check me when I knew I was actively in labour. Don't be petrified but be prepared to challenge them if needed. Baby was my pfb so I naively assumed they were right x
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