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A lot of negativity when telling people I'll probably have a cs

(64 Posts)
shabbychic1 Sat 28-May-16 15:05:44

I'm going to have an ELCS, it's what is going to be best for me and baby and is recommended by consultant gynae. I'm surprised that I get a lot of negativity when saying to people, even close friends. I often get the 'stunned' look. Then they say obviously if it's best for me and baby, but I feel like I have to explain to them why as if it's a 'wrong' choice. Obviously it doesn't really matter i the grand scheme of things but i have to admit that I've been surprised at reactions. Anyone else had this?

Northernlurker Sat 28-May-16 15:15:53

It's a major op. That's why people are surprised you'd choose it. That's all. As long as they accept your choice I don't see why this should be a concern. Most people don't plan for a section. People are used to it being an emergency solution.

Bee182814 Sat 28-May-16 15:16:28

I may have to have c section when I have my second baby in august due to complications with my first. Despite most people knowing the story of what happened with my first, yes I do get the odd person saying 'don't you even want to try' it usually shuts them up if I go in to quite grisly detail about the risks '
You

Bee182814 Sat 28-May-16 15:17:31

Sorry posted too early! Don't listen to people. Do what's best for you.

Only1scoop Sat 28-May-16 15:20:08

I did Op I got shock

Or "too posh to push"

My retort was

"Noooo too pushy to be posh"wink

It was the perfect decision for us

Good luck

Only1scoop Sat 28-May-16 15:20:34

I did Op I got shock

Or "too posh to push"

My retort was

"Noooo too pushy to be posh"wink

It was the perfect decision for us

Good luck

Cinnamon2013 Sat 28-May-16 15:23:24

I had this reaction from a handful of people. And the sympathetic looks. I had an ELCS after an EMCS. I really don't think it's as simple as people wondering why you'd have a major op (I wish it was). It felt that a lot of the reaction was in thinking I was scared and that if I could overcome that I could have a lovely VBAC and be healed. But I was scared - and I had a lovely ELCS and was healed. No one can even come close to knowing what's right for you like you know yourself. Your consultant obviously understands, which is great. Go for it and ignore everyone else.

RaeSkywalker Sat 28-May-16 15:28:30

Honestly if someone told me they were having a CS I'd assume that there were very good reasons and that would be the end of it as far as I was concerned- especially if I knew that they had an emergency section in their last pregnancy.

Try to ignore them. My experience of pregnancy is that everyone has a flipping opinion, and a lot of the time those opinions are very ill-informed.

stiffstink Sat 28-May-16 15:31:39

I've had 2, both great experiences. One for breech and one because of DH's anxiety! When people talk about childbirth they are surprised when I say I've never actually done it, so I put on my broadest accent and say "I'm proper posh, I am!" in the style of Bo Selecta. The jokey way I say it must disarm people because no one ever comments negatively but if they did they'd be told to keep their views to themselves.

Its nobody's business and its your body, your choice. It pisses me off that a CS is seen as a lesser birth when I had very valid and well researched reasons for making those decisions.

notonyurjellybellynelly Sat 28-May-16 15:32:14

Im sorry you're experiencing this OP.

I had the same recently when telling people my last grandchild born 4 days ago was to be born by elective C-Section and the silence that followed me telling people was far worse than any outright spoken criticism. And of course when you explain why you end up waiting for them to say 'ah okay' - as if its any of their bloody business.

In our case it was due to another C-section just last year and the fact my DIL is tiny so my wee bouncer of granddaughter was delivered two weeks early.

Im almost 60, a mum to 5, now granny to 6 and no wallflower but it still got to me at times.

Maybe don't tell people if its bothering you quite a bit and just say you had to have an emergency C-Section on the day.

Xmasbaby11 Sat 28-May-16 15:35:53

After difficult births, myself and several friends wish we'd had c sections. We've all been left damaged by the births and one baby is deaf due to the labour. In my case I was left in labour so long that I was left with a prolapse which is taking at least two operations to fix. I also needed physio as I couldn't walk properly as I was in stirrups for so long. I had a c section second time around which was brilliant.

You've got a good reason to have a elcs so please don't feel worried about people's reactions.

MollyBloomYes Sat 28-May-16 15:44:46

I had an emcs and then an ELCS (despite hospital trying very hard to persuade me to go for vbac). It was absolutely wonderful and laid a lot of ghosts from my emcs to rest.

I felt a lot of shame after my first birth, I don't give two hoots now. My children are healthy and wonderful and I have fantastic memories of my second child's birth. I have fantastic memories of my first child finally coming home after being very poorly in NICU, which his traumatic birth contributed to.

You crack on, your birth is absolutely right for you. People's opinions will start to matter less I promise. When people started with the sham 'sympathy ' that I couldn't manage a vaginal birth I simply responded how thrilled I was with my c section as it saved my son's life. That usually shuts them up!

NoBetterName Sat 28-May-16 15:47:02

Many people don't understand that an ELCS doesn't necessarily mean there is any choice in the matter, it just means pre-planned.

I had to have an ELCS with ds1 because he was transverse with the umbilical cord down and it would have put him in danger if I'd gone into labour. Consequently I was hospitalised from 38 weeks until 39+1 when the c-section was booked for. They did try to turn him during that time, but to no effect.

I still got the, "oh but it would still have been possible to give birth naturally". No it wouldn't. He wasn't breech, he was transverse.

It's noone else's business. I have 2 DC and have never even had a contraction. Ds2 was ELCS following previous ELCS. They used the same scar to open me up for ds2 and said they were glad I hadn't gone for vbac on opening me up because the scar was so thin it would have been in danger of rupture.

notonyurjellybellynelly Sat 28-May-16 15:51:36

because the scar was so thin it would have been in danger of rupture

Yes. That was the worry with my DIL. Her first C-Section was an emergency one and this latest one was best for her and the baby.

gingergenie Sat 28-May-16 15:58:22

I had 2 ELCS. Followed by an EMCS after labouring 12 hours. Screw the haters. It's all giving birth! Worst reaction I ever got was "oh haha Mrs ginger are you too posh to push" by the anaesthest. Yes really!! I was in tears awaiting my spinal at the time. I could've punched him!

INeedNewShoes Sat 28-May-16 16:03:56

You have to have a (excuse the language) 'shit filter' .

Anything stupid people say (or looks they give you) don't make it into your head, they just bounce off the shit filter because they're talking utter crap.

It's just not anyone else's business.

SauvignonPlonker Sat 28-May-16 16:05:49

I've had 2 CS, both emergency, and have never been in labour. I do get some odd reactions from people mostly women but that says more about them than it does about me. For the 1st CS, I had severe PE & both DS & I would have died without it. 2nd time, DD was breech. & pre-term. No choice in the matter either time.

Why do people feel the need to comment at all? None of their sodding business.

readingrainbow Sat 28-May-16 16:06:59

It's nobody's business what you do with your nether regions. I've had an emergency section and wouldn't necessarily choose it again, but my vaginal births have been simple recoveries in comparison. I know someone who tore stem to stern and chose a section for her second as a result. I would too!!

AlwaysDancing1234 Sat 28-May-16 16:08:54

If a friend told me they were planning a CS I'd think they'd looked at the options and chosen the best thing for themselves and their baby. I don't think anyone chooses major surgery just for the hell of it.
As long as your baby arrives safely and you are both well who cares how they are actually delivered.

Tashface Sat 28-May-16 16:12:18

I'm genuinely surprised to read that so many people have faced criticism for having a section. I was petrified of giving birth and wanted a section all along - as it turns out I had an emergency one so I was very happy. Never once felt shame! Second time I had an elective one (for me it was because I was petrified again, but they had already told me that a section was possible because I'd already had one, so I was more than happy to roll with that). I'm really shocked though that women are facing nasty comments for it. Snobbery at its worst. As far as I'm concerned, the end product is all that matters.

Wolfiefan Sat 28-May-16 16:14:47

See I'd probably do the slightly stunned face blush
It's because I was always a bit concerned I would end up needing a C section. I was concerned by the recovery time and how I would cope. Totally my irrational feeling!
It would not be judging you for making the safe and healthiest decision for you and your baby based on medical advice.

SaveSomeSpendSome Sat 28-May-16 16:18:43

I had an emergency c section with dd who was back to back and i had a horrendous 22 hour labour! NEVER AGAIN

During pregnancy i did worry about not being the same down there again.

I ve known too many people personally who have had problem down there due to childbirth issues.

Im very glad i had a c section as my friend is currently in agony every day 8 months after a forceps delivery. The hospital are messing about and taking their time correcting her. Theres no way she can have sex and going to the toilet leaves her screaming in pain.

Im having a c section with child number 2 who hasnt been conceived yet and i dont give a shit what anyone says.

Over my dead body will i have a natural birth!

dylsmimi Sat 28-May-16 16:19:03

People seem to assume that when you are pregnant they can say what they like to you without filter - lots of comments abut how big/small and about the sex of the baby and I think this falls into that category
I've not had any negativity so far about needing an elcs but last pregnancy a male colleague spent 20 mins telling me how I really should have a cs as should every woman as its so easy and planned and calm and as I had one dc wouldn't it be much easier to know when I would have the baby!!! I just smiled and nodded and said 'but that's not my choice !

sonlypuppyfat Sat 28-May-16 16:22:01

I had an emcs and I hated it I felt like a cripple for weeks awful I couldn't even laugh without being in agony I swore no one would do that to me again! I had normal births after and of course I would have had a section if I'd have needed it

Iggi999 Sat 28-May-16 16:23:28

The mistake you are making is to talk to anyone about this. It is inviting comment. Once you've had a baby you'll get loads of unwanted comments so it's best to stop caring about it now.

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