Change hospital from Warwick to Oxford?

[yconn]

Hi ladies, just wonder how difficult is it to persuade midwives to agree on this?

I'm half way through and as it starts to get real so I'm getting worried now. I'm happy with Warwick hospital but they can't guarantee a private room for me. I'm quite nervous being left alone with the baby (my first one) - I'd like to have my husband around (as he seems to know what to do better than me!). After some research online, John Radcliffe in Oxford seems to have plenty private rooms available and they got excellent reviews as well.

Of course the last resort would be to have a private birth in London but it seems to be more common to have a caesarean there. I would like to have a natural birth if possible. Besides getting to London from Leamington Spa (where I live) could be a challenge if I'm in labour:( Of course on top of that it's the cost.

I'm not after any luxury, just want good care in case things go wrong. After all, we've been through a lot to get where we are now. I don't want to lose the baby.

I'm just not too sure what to do and whether I will be able to persuade my midwife to change Warwick to Oxford or not. It would be really helpful to know your thoughts/experience. Thanks

[RedToothBrush]

Its not something you persuade the midwives to do. They may suggest otherwise but its not the case. You don't need their permission like a school kid.

If you think this is the right thing for you, TELL the midwives this is what are doing and ask them how they facilitate this. If they are difficult, go over their heads and ring John Radcliffe direct and explain the situation.

Maternity care is the only area of health you do have this freedom to choose.

[Littlemisslovesspiders]

Besides getting to London from Leamington Spa

Quite a way from Leamington to Oxford if you are in labour too.

[yconn]

This is really helpful, thanks RedToothBrush. Not complaining but I did find my midwife is pretty laid back. It might be she's just too busy but I feel I had to apologise every time I ask her anything. I'm due to see her again next Friday so hopefully she will be more helpful on the day, fingers crossed:)

[yconn]

yes, of course, so Oxford is my first choice for every reason really

[RedToothBrush]

I would say there are drawbacks to not going local.

I went to a hospital 45 mins away.

It was a pain for a number of reasons. Firstly antenatal appointments are further away.
Then you will have a community midwife in Leamington as well as midwifes at the hospital. They will work to different timetables and practises.

For example, my midwife had to find out when they normally did tests for diabetes as the week differences between trusts.

I had appointments/test results walk as communication isn't what it should be, simply because the Trusts were not used to working together on a regular basis.

I had to be on the ball and find out things myself and make sure things were done where they should be. I don't actually blame the midwives / hospitals for this. I think its a national failing within the NHS and an issue to integrate care over borders that needs to be addressed.

I had an ELCS though.

You will need a strategy for emergencies - what happens if you need an ambulance (you will be going to the nearest hospital). Or if you have a cause for concern which requires an assessment eg something like reduced movements. And of course a plan for getting to hospital (what are you going to do in bad traffic?)

Its not as straightforward as you think.

Personally it worked for me, but I think being aware of pitfalls is helpful.

[AHellOfABird]

Do double check that your husband can stay in the private room - not all allow this.

[AHellOfABird]

And, forgive me if your past experiences have informed this, your DH staying or not staying is extremely unlikely to be linked to you losing the baby.

[yconn]

Thanks RedToothBrush, I didn't think of that. I don't mind to manage everything myself, if all, it helps me to understand what's going on better anyway.

Oxford is long way compared to Warwick but it would be a lot better than going to London. I know I'm talking silly now (as I have nil experience at the moment) we might be able to stay in a B&B or so when the days get nearer. I feel my husband's support after the labour is more important than any trouble I might have before the birth. I'm just very nervous about it at the moment

[AHellOfABird]

yconn, the downside is that the private rooms at the Radcliffe may also be full and, if so, your DH is much further away to travel back and forth.

Partners can usually stay for extended hours, more than 12 per day, have you checked the provisions at Warwick for this?

I think living in a B&B when heavily pregnant would be a nightmare.

[YokoUhOh]

I don't know if any of this is relevant or helpful, but I gave birth in the JR on Sunday (2nd baby). I live about 20-25 minutes away and was panicking a bit about getting there on time tbh (got there in plenty of time and they're happy to let you progress there if you need time). I was going to ask for a private room but was allowed home a couple of hours after the birth, after having a couple of stitches.

So if everything's straightforward, you might not even need a private room. Worth giving them a ring and making enquiries?

[yconn]

I know, it's more about afterwards. I worry that I won't be able to handle the baby when she cries etc. We are in a bit difficult situation, either of his nor my mum will be able to help (e.g. passing on some experience), so we are learning from the books and online research of course. I know the baby will probably be fine but I can't help worrying about it at the moment:(

[RedToothBrush]

FWIW, if you are exceptionally anxious and feel you need your husband around, have you actually asked at Warwick about options?

They may be completely dismissive of it.

BUT

If they feel your anxiety is a clinical issue, you a) might be given priority for a room over people who just want to pay for one b) they may allow your husband to stay even if their normal procedure isn't this, if they can accommodate it.

It depends on the circumstances and how flexible they can/want to be.

Its not being demanding to voice your fears (you might get an arse who views you as being demanding but you aren't being. You just need more reassurance and support than most).

There are potentially more solutions/options available to you than you think, but you need to be proactive in raising the issue yourself and not be too afraid of being turned down.

[yconn]

you are probably right about b&b, I knew it's a stupid idea, I feel I'm such a mess at the moment!!! :) I need to think it through

[yconn]

I did ask they just said they can't guarantee it. I thought I read somewhere that she was told by John Radclieffe that they will guarantee the room, but of course she had to paid for a deposit or so, can't remember exactly now

[Felco]

I had an amenity room at the JR when I gave birth there, and whilst it was nice to have some quiet, bear in mind it's not different or better care you get.

The bathroom was quite scuzzy - ok but not that clean, dribble shower etc.
The room was nice enough but small.

Everything else was the same! I had problems breastfeeding and got no good help, the midwives at the JR were very protective and apparently didn't like to inform people of the brilliant breastfeeding clinic two floors down, because it was intruding on their patch.

This was a good while ago, before the birth centre was built, but anyway just to warn you: what you might value is excellent postnatal care, over a separate room.

[RedToothBrush]

I worry that I won't be able to handle the baby when she cries etc.

Honestly I think you are more anxious than the average person. This is nothing to be ashamed of. Speak up, tell them, ask whether there is any support available and how can you access it. Potentially you are in need of mental health support, not just practical support with this if you are worrying to this extend. (This was me by the way - my reasoning for the hospital I went to was in part due to DH being able to stay).

If they know you are a particularly anxious mother, you would hope that they will note this and act accordingly, whether your DH is with you or not.

Its not just about being in hospital. Its also what happens afterwards and if you are this anxious that's potentially an issue when your DH goes back to work too.

[AHellOfABird]

I would be very surprised if any hospital would guarantee a private room, unless you are having a planned c-section, as they have no idea within a five week (or more) period when you will arrive and there may be those with a clinical need for the room

A deposit may put you up the priority list, I suppose.

Try Red's suggestion with your own hospital though!

[yconn]

Thanks YokoUhOh, I will ring them. I might be lucky but been reading so much about others' experience of the needs of being induced, my head is kind of programmed that I might need it too (since it has been a quite journey for me or us so far!!!)

[yconn]

You got a point. We thought about it. My husband will try to work from home as much as he can. I feel it's the waiting that I'm not good at. I might be ok, I rather get on with it :)

[CommanderShepard]

I had two babies at the JR and had a private room with the first - birth trauma and I was under Silver Star care - second time I'd have had to pay £400 for the pleasure. There's also no guarantee they would allow your husband to stay even with a private room.

For what it's worth the breastfeeding support on the postnatal wards is vastly improved since I had my first and the feeding clinic on level 1 is now referral only.

[RedToothBrush]

I was 'guaranteed' a private room for my ELCS on the grounds of my mental health.

What happened on the day though, was there was room available after I came out of surgery. I went to the ward until mid afternoon (which I found very stressful because I felt I'd been lied to).

I did eventually get a private room, which was great. However the cover overnight was patchy at times. I was grateful DH was with me, as the midwives were so run off their feet. I did get forgotten about several times (including for pain relief) as a result.

If I had been on a ward I might have been able to get attention sooner (though in my case I don't think I could have coped with this). If I had been in private room, without DH, it could have been a real problem rather than what I wanted and needed which was support.

Think about it. Work out what you REALLY want / need. Ask questions and see what the reality is likely to be.

[yconn]

yes, will do. I'll think it through, speak to the midwife next week and maybe have another chat with the hospital:)

[amroc18]

I don't know if Warwick have changed policy but when I had DS 2 years ago my DH wasn't allowed to stay even after we got transferred to a private "amenity" room. And I was very distressed about being left on my own without him so I completely get where you're at.

Have you also considered the Lucina birthing centre which is part of Coventry hospital. The rooms are gorgeous, and dads can stay until you are discharged. The only issue is it is only for low risk mothers so the minute you go high risk (as I did) you get moved to normal labour ward (hence I just moved back to Warwick).

Finally, if you do decide to swap hospital and want your antenatal at Warwick just wait til about 32/34 weeks before moving so your scans and everything don't move to Oxford too!

[white66]

I have had a baby at the JR and my husband was asked to go home at 11pm and so wasn't able to stay the night! I think unless you buy the double rooms they have he won't be allowed. Best ring and ask, they don't have many private rooms available and there is no guarantee of getting one. I'm due to have another baby there shortly and happily won't have a private room as the care wasn't great!

[white66]

Meant to add I was in an amenity room, not just that my husband wasn't able to stay!