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if grandparents, aunties/uncles live local

(52 Posts)
backonthewagon Sat 07-May-16 10:52:57

When did you let them see baby? Did anyone not let them come to hospital for visiting?

TheWeeBabySeamus1 Sat 07-May-16 11:02:24

My Mum and brother came to the hospital a few hours after I gave birth and then I went to stay with them for a couple of weeks afterwards.

I think it depends on your relationship with them and how you feel after giving birth. Some women just want to be left to it and some want the company. Its up to you smile

katiegg Sat 07-May-16 11:06:59

mum and step dad came to the hospital that evening. dad, step mum and half siblings came to hospital the day after along with mother in law. in hindsight, having that many visitors at the same time was quite overwhelming but it did mean they were promptly thrown out by midwives once visiting hours were over. The rest of family, who live further afield met ds at Christmas, which was only a few weeks later.

NannawifeofBaldr Sat 07-May-16 11:09:37

Both sets of HOs came to the hospital and everyone else came in the week following when we got home.

It was tiring and I really wasn't well post birth however a friend of mine's SIL banned the family including her (Babies Aunt) and her Mum (Babies GM) from seeing her new grandchild for the first two weeks (as is often recommended on MN) and they were absolutely devastated and the relationship has never really recovered.

They said nothing about it and did as asked. On the surface everything is fine there remains a lot of bad feeling

NotSoFancyHanky Sat 07-May-16 11:10:34

Lived abroad for first two babies so not an issue.
With third was only in overnight so banned visitors besides dh as wanted time to establish bf without needing to worry about covering up etc!

PotteringAlong Sat 07-May-16 11:13:44

They don't live near by and still came to the hospital. Surely no one actually says no in real life to grandparents visiting?

LadyAntonella Sat 07-May-16 11:16:43

I let them all come to the hospital. I didn't think I would want that beforehand but at the time I really loved having visitors. I preferred it to having visitors at home.

LaurieLemons Sat 07-May-16 11:21:57

Don't tell them straight away, it's important to have the first few hours just you guys IMO. I had in-laws, aunties and siblings all waiting outside while I was giving birth and I regret telling anyone now.

If I could do it again I'd wait a couple of hours then have everyone down smile

sophree Sat 07-May-16 11:58:57

I didn't have any visitors until I'd been home for 4 days grin

backonthewagon Sat 07-May-16 13:55:47

sophree Was that day 5 after baby had been born (when they were 4 days old?) or did you have to stay in hospital?

How far away do grandparents/aunties/uncles live?

scrivette Sat 07-May-16 13:57:55

Ds1 only my mum and dad came, DS2 my parents and InLaws both came.

I was struggling to establish breastfeeding with DS1 and didn't really want my InLaws there.

backonthewagon Sat 07-May-16 17:34:00

scrivette when did your ils come with ds1?

winchester1 Sat 07-May-16 17:38:25

Our hospital doesn't allow visitors other than OH whenever and siblings at certain times. So DC 1 was seen by mil two days after and dc2a week after, when we brought them home. Others visited during the next week or so. (OHs dad and my patents ate dead.)

ALongTimeComing Sat 07-May-16 17:48:46

The next day after the birth so more than 24 hours after for both sets of grandparents. They visited for a few days then we said we wanted a day in the hospital with no visitors as it was really disruptive to SCBU and our recovery. The day we got home we had no visitors or the day after at our request.

Honestly do not invite visitors until you are ready and be clear when you do not want any. Not everyone bounces home wanting to show off their baby. Sometimes you just need some time alone as a small family. All you need to say is "Sorry we are busy".

sophree Sat 07-May-16 18:46:55

Born on Monday visited on Friday. 10minute drive away. I did not want any visitors was very very firm. It's time to bond as mummy and daddy!

YoureAllABunchOfBastards Sat 07-May-16 18:49:27

Mam and dad - same day.
Grandparents etc - had them all round a few days after we came out of hospital - got it over in one fell swoop.
MIL lives three hours away but came up for an overnight stay during the first week. She is fab, so didn't mind.

backonthewagon Sat 07-May-16 20:28:32

I think 4 days/on day 5 is reasonable sophree totally agree about bonding time.

ShelaghTurner Sat 07-May-16 20:52:32

My parents and FIL came that evening (dd2 was born at lunchtime). Mil came the next day as she'd been away. No one else came to hospital.

With dd1 it was an unholy mess and wider family just kept turning up when they felt like it. It was horrible.

Junosmum Sat 07-May-16 21:02:08

PIL came to the hospital. DM came the day I got out. We allowed one set of visitors per day and only for short periods.

scrivette Sat 07-May-16 23:01:46

My inlaws came the day after, not long after I got home. I did kick them out into the garden (it was a nice day!) for half an hour when they arrived though whilst I fed the baby as it was hard to get him to latch on.

backonthewagon Sun 08-May-16 08:42:27

One set of visitors a day also a good idea!

tinytoucan Sun 08-May-16 09:13:18

I told everyone in the months before the birth that I didn't want visitors in hospital, that was going to be our time as a little family. My ILs live 5 mins away and my parents are a few hours away. I expected to be home after 6 hours but as it turned out we had to stay in for a night, but we still didn't see anyone until we got home. I think having the early time to ourselves really helped keep me feeling calm and relaxed so by the time we had visitors I was happy to see them rather than feeling pressured. we ended up having one day on, one day off visitor wise and it worked really well. People will be saying they're desperate to visit but you need to put your family first- and you'll need lots of rest yourself after the physical ordeal of birth (I felt great initially after having DS- it was only the next day when the first lot of pain killers had worn off that I realised just what I'd actually been through!). Give yourself time and pace things out- I definitely agree with having no more than one set of visitors per day (and signing them up for tea making duty!)

Good luck and enjoy it! The first days are lovely smile

tinytoucan Sun 08-May-16 09:13:55

Wow- that was an essay! Sorry!

kiki22 Sun 08-May-16 09:40:01

I asked that only our parents come for first visiting at hospital which was just as well i was only 4 hours after delivery and not in the right state for lots of people, dps dad was furious his partner was not allowed to come and they never got over it however I think I was right so not bothered. I was home before the next visiting time and people came then.

If I'm really honest I think its awful that some people band family from visits in the first few days I feel like its really self centred and would be devastating for close family to be shut out. I do respect that's what some people decide but I think its awful. When people asked to come over I said would say ok why don't you come Thursday at 3 for an hour so they knew that I was expecting a short visit and could manage the time, I also used to try for times right after a feed was due so ds would be sleeping in the basket so he didn't get passed around to much. When it came to friends and more distant family i arranged for the following week and chipped in all being well here just to make sure.

kiki22 Sun 08-May-16 09:42:26

Oh and everyone was treated very much like a visitor I thought that asking them to make tea and do things made them feel needed an encouraged them to hang about. There's nothing like dp clearing away tea and biscuits to make them feel like its time to go.

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