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Childbirth

birth partner difficulty

6 replies

littleraysofsunshine · 13/03/2016 11:11

My dp is great. But recently he's changed. He seems so inconsiderate to my pregnancy, and upcoming birth in less than four weeks.

But this post is my worry:

Since a year or so ago he started to drink. Now he doesn't get paralytic, but he will drink a few beers and recently bottle of wine like four times a week. And I'm just on edge.

I'm pissed off at how this is our fourth baby and he knows how unpredictable labour is, how fast I deliver how things change yet he's still choosing to drink lots before the day.

He says yeah well we have four weeks yet.

The past four nights he's been in a zone where unable to drive if needed. Selfish right? He doesn't see it that way. And when I try to express my concern- he doesn't bother to talk back. And says u worry too much.

OP posts:

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MattDillonsPants · 13/03/2016 11:27

It's disgusting behaviour OP and sadly, it's something which for many people would indicate the end of a relationship. I for one wouldn't be there...I'd be leaving or getting him out of my house and arranging for someone else to be on hand for taking you to hospital.

What if you have an emergency or are unwell suddenly which, whilst not trying to frighten you...can happen at this late stage.

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lilac3033 · 13/03/2016 14:11

Nope, definitely not ok. I basically said no more than one small beer for DP when I was around 35-36 weeks. Like you said things can change quickly and he could be leaving you in a very vulnerable situation. I'd be scoping out for someone to be your birth partner if needed. For me personally, not listening to your very valid concerns when you are 36 weeks pregnant with his child is a deal breaker. It's too dangerous and soooo disrespectful. I would probably leave or chuck him out.

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BettyBi0 · 15/03/2016 13:31

That sounds like a really sad situation. Would a taxi on the day be a realistic option? --might be more
realistic than expecting a functional alcoholic to change their behaviour--

Do you have any other support for other DCs?

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intotheblue9 · 15/03/2016 14:18

That sounds crap and he's being an idiot. Sorry OP. I think you'd better have a plan B in place. A birth partner you can trust. You could be going into labour in about a week's time!

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SmallBee · 19/03/2016 07:51

Sorry op but he does sound like an arse.

My friend had, for different reasons, another friend as her birth partner for her second DS. She has said it was the best decision she has ever made and had a much better birth experience because of it. I think this might be the way to go for you as well. Have you got anyone who you can ask?

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littleraysofsunshine · 22/03/2016 21:00

I just feel so on edge when it's going to happen. As this is the second night this week he's had a bottle of wine.

When I say something he just says it's not like he's drunk. And it's not a worry as 'when it happens' it won't be the case.

He works an hour away, signal on phones is poo.

So out of three labours I've done. This fourth I feel so anxious before I even begin,

He's taking dd1 to a show next week one evening. Lovely but again. I keep thinking what if?

I've got very bad anaemia at the moment, still have flu, the kids have got it now, PGP, and just shit week really. He has to work as self employed but I just can't believe how hard it seems this time to try and not feel so isolated. If I feel worn out I have no break. I can't ask him as he needs to work.