Can't stop crying after consultant appointment

[Cariad30]

Cried all the way home from hospital today. Currently pregnant with DS2, first consultant appointment at 28 weeks he essentially encouraged a elcs after a very traumatic Cat 1 emcs with my first at 38 weeks (super fast labour, very distressed baby with cord wrapped tightly around his neck at 10cm dialated) I had originally planned a VBAC so I went away and researched as much as I could and after much thought decided on an elcs. I'm now 37 weeks, saw different consultant today, she went on the defence straight away, even pulling a sad face when I told her my change of plan to go for an elcs, my last labour truly was one the worst experiences of my life and took me a long time to
get over. I'm absolutely terrified of giving birth in general and now I just don't know what to do for the best. I can't stop crying about it she told me that I should go for VBAC but there were no guarantees it wouldn't turn into an emergency again, I protested and said I couldn't face being asleep for my child's birth again her response was, well your 35 BMI might make an epidural an impossiblity anyway (I've had one before at the same BMI for a leg operation a week before my last labour) and she then went on to talk about her 3 normal labours!!!! As if it was something I needed to aspire to! Crying my eyes out at this point she said come back in 2 weeks and we'll make a final decision then...at 39 weeks!!! i just grabbed my things and left. I thought I wouldn't have to fight for a elcs after everything I went through last time?!? Would be interested to hear how others have coped in a similar situation. Thanks

[thenewaveragebear1983]

I opted for an elcs with 3rd pregnancy because I'd had an emcs after failed induction etc with the 2nd. Partly because I didn't want to spend the whole pregnancy playing 'what if', I had placenta preveia and diabetes (although pp moved by 28 weeks). Some consultants gave the sad face and told me all the terrible things about c sections, some were very supportive. In the end, I knew I wanted the elcs because I wanted a stress free delivery, I wanted to be the first to see my baby, and various other reasons that were right for me. Have a weigh up of the pros and cons op and then do what's right for you and your family. (I will just say that my elcs was significantly less traumatic and quicker healing than my emcs). Its wrong of the medical staff to make you feel that way, its your body and you can choose how you deliver your baby.

[MyBreadIsEggy]

I would be putting a formal complaint in writing. This woman's behaviour was beyond out of order!
Your birth experience is about gettibg your baby out safely, while ensuring your physical and mental health are looked after - this woman's opinion on what your should "aspire to" is completely irrelevant. Your uterus. Your choice!
Your consultant sees several births every day, to her, you are just another one and she will forget about you tomorrow - but you will remember your baby's birth for the rest of your life. Do not let her bully you into anything you do not want to do.
If you want an elcs, keep badgering, be as dramatic as you have to be to get your elcs.

Sorry to hear someone who is meant to be taking care of you has upset you so much

[3rdrockfromthesun]

No experience but ask to change consultant. Demand an appointment and take someone with you who will repeat your decision I.e. DP or Dm

[Cariad30]

Thank you! I keep having waves of feeling empowered to take control of the situation and then feeling completely overwhelmed by it all. I had envisioned today just being straightforward and booking a date so I feel like I can prepare myself and now I feel like an emotional wreck!! I'm moving house this week too and getting a new midwife....so our first meeting this Wednesday will no doubt see me sobbing my heart out to her!! Poor woman!! Elcs just feels right this time!

[Cariad30]

Thank you so much, your replies are really helping to pick my mood up! x

[thenewaveragebear1983]

For what its worth, even though I decided on an elcs at 20 ish weeks, I was 36 weeks before they began the booking process, and 37 weeks before I had a definite date (which considering I was due to have him at 38 due to insulin I found that to be a bit late!) Do you have a follow up appointment?

[Cinnamon2013]

Woah, how intense and upsetting for you. I'd definitely request to see another consultant. I know how hard a journey it is just making the decision yourself, and to then have that challenged in the way she did must have been tough. I had an ELCS last month after an EMCS last time. A less dramatic EMCS than you had, not cat 1, and consultant was v sympathetic, said she would do the same if it were her. Luck of the draw I guess. For what it's worth I found the ELCS a really calm and positive experience, def the right decision for me. Good luck.

[Buckinbronco]

You poor poor thing. I don't have any advice but can imagine how upsetting that would be. I had a similar emcs and my hospital don't do planned sections without medical reason. So I think often about what to do next time and have a small idea how you must feel :(

[Cariad30]

She asked me to come back at 39 weeks with my final decision! I think that's what's worrying me the most considering my first came unexpectedly at 38 weeks and although my midwife (and the stand in midwife) has always measured me to date, today the consultant put me 4 weeks ahead!! I feel so annoyed that I've waited 8 weeks, built myself up and found peace with not having a VBAC and then she just dismissed all my rational arguments for having an elcs. During my last labour the midwives took pity on me having my leg in plaster (long story) and didn't send me home with my partner and put me in a back room on my own where I went into labour so quickly my partner hadn't even got home before they were ringing him to come back (luckily a midwife stuck her head in the room just by chance).....during my review the consultant was honest and said if I'd gone home, considering how distressed my son was there's a very good chance he wouldn't be here. I can still hear his heart slowing to almost nothing now and it makes me feel sick thinking of all the alarms sounding and the room filling with people....not quite the water birth I had planned!! But as I talked about this she talked about her 3 perfect labours and how much better I would feel and how well she recovered!!!! At this point I just sat there with tears streaming down my face, as I left she said oh I didn't mean to upset you!!!!!! Hahaha

[Minkybinkyboo]

That's awful. Definitely complain and demand to see another consultant. You have very good reasons for making an informed choice about having an ELCS. Her 'bedside' manner sounds appalling!
I am in a simular position in that after a difficult first birth I have decided on an ELCS this time and have been lucky to have only seen supportive medical staff. It's booked which means I am relaxed and can plan; as you should be able to too!
I'm sorry that extra stress is being put on you at what is already a stressful time. I hope you get a positive outcome from another consultant. Good luck!

[Cinnamon2013]

I know exactly what you mean about those things that stay with you - the heart rate slowing, the room filling with people, what you were told about your son (I was told the same, it's not something you can easily forget, chill out and then have a nice relaxed birth after). I would talk to someone (midwife? Another consultant?) about the stress the wait to 39 weeks is going to put you under. I was booked in far earlier, the consultant could see it would put my mind at rest, which it did. She sounds awful.

[MrsBenWyatt]

Complain and get a new consultant. Nobody should be made to feel that their opinion isn't valid when it comes to their own body.

I had a Cat 1 section with DC2 after a complete placental abruption. We were both lucky to survive.

At my 12 week appointment my consultant asked me what I wanted to do this time round and I immediately said ELCS. He told me that was a great idea (!) and booked me in for 39 weeks. I had my ELCS last week and it was a great experience in comparison to being asleep for DS's arrival. My reason for choosing an ELCS was I wanted a date to focus on for baby's safe arrival and I wanted to minimise the chance of something going wrong in labour, however unlikely.

I think 39 weeks is too long for you to wait, get in touch with MW and ask to be referred to another consultant.