Advanced search

Feels like nobody is listening to me!

(7 Posts)
littleangels2016 Fri 04-Mar-16 12:17:26


I am 40 weeks pregnant with 2nd child. First birth was traumatic. I have endometriosis - and have a back facing cervix (posterior) which doesn't rectify during birth (also a slightly twisted coccyx). First time round I had to wait until +11 days to be induced (had 4 sweeps), midwife pulled cervix up and forwards but baby got really stuck and was finally yanked out in distress with ventouse and full episiotomy. She was alive - but the heartbreak and stress in between watching her heart rate drop for hours nearly finished me off. My physical recovery took more than 6 months.

I have voiced concerns about a repeat of this - everyone keeps telling me the second is different -but here I am again, watching my due date come and go, induction booked in 12 days time. Examination showed again today cervix high, posterior and not effaced/dilated despite several nights of contractions etc.

How can I make people listen to me? I am quite clear in my communications - this baby is on higher growth percentile, weight exceeding my first at 34 weeks. I am so worried about the baby getting stuck/distress but don't know what to do. Don't want to watch and wait for history to repeat itself - I feel that would be stupid. Any advice welcome x

BlurtonOnKites Fri 04-Mar-16 13:08:28


Not sure I'll be much help - but didn't want to read and run.

I'm sorry that you had such a terrible time last time round, and it's awful that you haven't been more reassured this time around - it must be a terrible worry for you.

What would be your ideal course of action now? Do you want a CS/induction sooner? Or would you just like to talk about your options more?

Statistically, what you are being told is right - generally 2nd births are quicker and more straight forward.

MyKingdomForBrie Fri 04-Mar-16 13:12:38

I would ask firmly for a section in your situation, surely you can elect?

littleangels2016 Fri 04-Mar-16 13:51:22

I'm not sure if an elective C-sec is too late now, it takes ages just to get a birth choices appointment.

Was thinking maybe sooner is better than later, though 12 days is not long in the grand scheme of things - I just want to make sure that it's not the same as the first birth I guess, would be reassured if the care team actually listened and had a proper plan in place? Maybe I'm just panicking.

BlurtonOnKites Fri 04-Mar-16 14:30:21

I wish that you'd been more reassured and been listened too.
It sounds like you should have had a debrief of the first birth and a plan for future births to be put in place then - and now you wouldn't be worrying like this.

Care varies so much from trust to trust - I know that in your situation I could have rang my community midwife freaking out and she would have seen me and talked me through it but it sound like your antenatel care hasn't taken into account your needs regarding reassurance.

I'm in no way qualified to give medical advice but I thought that in the later stages (unless GD or something) the baby is just putting on weight by laying down more fat which is squidgy so not really any harder to get out, not like if there head circumference or shoulders were getting bigger by the day!
So it shouldn't be too much of a worry going over your DD for the reasons of them getting bigger and more likely to get stuck.

If you get induced you could agree to have a pessary maybe but if that doesn't work refuse the drip and have a CS. I think someone told me that the drip doesn't increase your chances of a VB anyway it just speeds it up if it's going to happen. So maybe if the pessary doesn't do anything you could look at that as a signal that it wasn't going to be straight forward. You could request constant monitoring from the beginning to give you more reassurance that the baby is okay but this might restrict your movement.

I think you are very unlikely to have two scary, horrible births in a row, but your fear is understandable and important - it should not be ignored. For comparison I had an EMCS and my recovery was 2 weeks compared to your horrible 6 month recovery, that must've been awful. And to be worried for the safety of your baby while in labor must have been terribly traumatic.
Your fear is grounds for an ELCS and if you kicked off enough about it you'd probably be able to get one.

Anyway, I went on a bit of a mad ramble there sorry.

Maybe write a list of your concerns - go and see/call a midwife and kick off and try and get a satisfactory answer to all your concerns.

TeamSteady Fri 04-Mar-16 16:53:44

Can you call the supervisor of MW?

I had a different scenario but ultimately the same concerns this pregnancy about how badly managed the last one was.

My first MW and consultant were useless. We moved house and by consequence saw a different MW who was lovely. I felt for the first time she took me seriously! She made an ap for me to see the consultant MW, who is also a supervisor of MW at our hospital. Only took days for the appointment. I spoke with her for 1.5 hours and she was incredibly helpful. Went through my old notes with a fine tooth comb, explained everything to me- a lot of which hadn't been explained at the time and came up with a sensible plan for this time. Also wrote her mob no in my notes and said for staff to call if any problems when i go to deliver. Equally she said DH or I welcome to call her if we had questions/were worried etc.

I had seriously been thinking of borrowing/scraping money together to go private and was on the verge of booking someone. However, i finally felt listened to, and like she was on my side and took my upset and real distress seriously.

Good luck with it. There is no worse feeling than being upset and vulnerable and feeling your "carers" don't give a crap.

Dixiechick17 Fri 04-Mar-16 20:59:52

Not sure if this is of any help, but from what I have read on here, people consent to induction with gel only and if nothing happens then they have the right to refuse the syntocin drip and opt for a c section instead. If you don't consent to the drip then they will have no other option, as said this is just from what I have read on here.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now