unwanted labour experience(23 Posts)
This week I gave birth to the most amazing little boy and I'm so in love with him it's unreal . But my labour was awful and I almost died and received really bad treatment from my hospital so I ended up discharging myself as soon as I new the baby was okay so I'm home now and healthy (ish) but due to an emergency c section I'm really sore. I'm really struggling with what happened to me and how I was treated and I'm getting overly emotional every now and again. Did anyone else feel like this? Or is there something wrong with me. I'm so confused also does anyone have any tips on how to recover from c section thank you
Would it help to talk about it?
You can request a debrief if you struggle to come to terms with your experience. Your baby was delivered safely but sometimes it's not enough I understand.
I felt very much like this. I had EMCS too and felt very traumatised afterwards and got very tearful about it. I said this to midwives and GP but they didn't really care - they just seemed to want to know about PND so they would just ask "but do you have any bad feelings towards your baby?" And because I didn't they thought all was well. Traumatic birth experiences can cause PTSD though.
For me, I felt better with time. I pushed myself too hard post section because I just wanted to be back to normal but ended up with an infection and my wound didn't heal properly for several months. My advice would be to remember you have had major surgery. Remind DH/DP of this. You need to be given time to wash and dry your wound properly and to rest. Imagine being expected to be up and about (and up all night) so soon after any other surgery!
Also, you can be made to feel guilty by people because you feel sad about your birth even though you have a healthy baby. Being effected by your experience does not mean you aren't grateful for the safe arrival of your baby, but an EMCS can be very chaotic, it's normal to need time to process it.
I can't offer emotional help but can give c section tips
Move slowly. Don't lift anything heavier than newborn. Do not do any housework rap hoovering, loading dishwasher/ washing machine. Clean scar twice a day with hot as you can manage water and cotton wool. Dry thoroughly with paper towel. Air scar regularly.
I had a debrief after a MW panicked after she thought she had snapped a needle in my arm. It did help and the hospital also made procedural changes to improve...
So sorry you had such a tough time. I did too a while ago and talking really helped. I had therapy eventually. For now talk to your partner, friends and family if you can and if you want to, and really focus on physically mending. PTSD wouldn't be diagnosed so early - you have been through a traumatic situation and to be traumatised afterwards is horrible but perfectly normal. PTSD is a disorder which is diagnosed when you are unable to process and make sense out of what's happened and it causes you to feel very anxious, jumpy, have nightmares etc. PTSD after traumatic births is common but GPs and health visitors are absolutely crap at picking it up and doing anything about it. All the focus on us PND.
How exactly are you feeling at the moment?
I can't give c-section tips, but have been through traumatic birth experience and associated PTSD. It's a dreadful experience, especially when you're coping with a newborn, and not getting much sleep, which will compound anxious or negative feelings.
You can request a debrief from the hospital and you can request to review your notes to get everything straight in your head.
Don't try to struggle on if you're you're not feeling better. Seek help, find someone to talk to, whether a professional or parenting group etc. And most importantly. Look after yourself. Take care
Sorry you had such an awful time. I had a terrible birth experience ending in EMCS and I was very traumatised. Couldn't sleep afterwards for some time, extremely emotional, I kept zoning out when people were speaking to me and replaying events in my head. As a pp said, it is normal to feel traumatised after a very frightening experience. One thing that helped me was realising that flashbacks were my brain's way of dealing with things, not a sign I was going mad. A debrief and counselling may help you, there is also an organisation called the birth trauma association - I never contacted them as I was not aware but I wish I had.
Would it help to tell us a bit about your experience, op?
I feel like this. I had an emergency c-section 10.5 weeks ago under general anaesthetic.
I wanted a water birth and it went so horrendously wrong.
Thumbelina I had similar. A few things helped:
Debrief with senior midwife (about 4 months later- give it time)
Requesting my notes so I can refer every so often
Research and googling- it was actually a textbook bradycardia although they made a mistake during the c section which led to a pph (butterfingers ) which took ages to recover from. I was traumatised for my DH, my baby who spent her first hour alone/ with pediatrics and midwives and DH who was shocked and alone.
But you know what, it gets better. Birth is all about luck. You had bad luck. You did nothing wrong. None of us did
Actually not similar. I just had an emcs under the general so just the same!
Thanks Buckinbronco. I've already got my notes and had a debrief with the doctor who did my c-section. Baby had to be resuscitated and I couldn't wake up properly but apart from that now the only issues are burning pain in my scar/tummy, a bit of trouble peeing and flashbacks to the whole event, but I think it will just take time.
Well don't forget that you only gave birth a few days ago! It's an emotional roller coaster even if you have a straight forward birth experience. So don't be too hard on yourself. I had one good birth(vbac) and one very bad birth (premature emcs). The bad one was hard going to start with as I had other complications to deal with on top of the c-section recovery but the best advice the consultant gave me was 'stand up straight' as soon as you can - very much easier said than done!! I was hunching over to start with trying to protect the wound but he said it would heal far better if I stood up straight and took things slowly. I'm sorry you've had a rubbish experience, I hope things improve soon.
Oh I forgot to say, i was weepy about anything and everything in the first few weeks so the nurses in NICU (where my baby was) contacted a member of the psych team to come and talk to me. She was great discussed the whole experience and followed up a few weeks later with a phone call. I didn't feel the need for more support than that but it was offered to me. So make sure you use your midwifery/gp team. You're under the midwives care for up to 28 days (I think) post birth so use them if you want a professional to talk to.
I was quite traumatised for a while after my emergency c section. I had to be transferred to a different city as the theatre was full so I was a couple of hours away from home, travelled in an ambulance by myself and my twins were taken straight to special care.
I had no time to rest as I spent all my time in scbu, done far to much to soon and ended up with an infection.
It's a massive physical as well as emotional trauma and I think it's normal to feel weepy after.
It might look unbelievable to you right now but I have been through this for my DCs. I never went into labor properly even after induction. Had the worst 36 hours of labor, went to 6cm and then stopped. Had an emergency c section. DCs are lovely so all is well that ends well though I did face around six months of severe depression and kept telling myself that I was a failure because I did not labor properly and naturally. Whatever that means anyway. If not for the science, I would have been dead and DCs too.
You will be best off to take one day a time and sleep as soon as the baby sleeps. These two golden rules are life saving advice for new moms. I have never seen them fail. Also, if you are feeding him, you can do it in your own bed and sleep while he does. It helped me so much to just keep babies with me and sleep when I could. This rest also meant my scars healed well and proper.
You WILL get out of it and you have a lovely gift of a baby in your arms already.
After a c section you really do need to rest.
Rest, take ALL your meds, do your breathing exercises, and keep your scar dry.
And rest. DO NOT DO ANYTHING. It's not for long, but resting properly now will make a massive difference to your recovery.
And do ask for a debrief
Sending you an unmumsnetty hug. I've had 2 traumatic sections (babies are 2y 9m and 20m now) and I understand. Best practical advice is to rest and sleep as much as you can. I noticed a huge difference in my recovery between my baby who was in scbu for 4 weeks and the baby who was in scbu for 5 days. I didn't get the chance to rest much when my babies were in scbu but when my youngest came out at 5 days old I just slept loads, whenever he was asleep.
I'm sorry to hear about how you've been feeling. You've gone through so much emotionally and physically and your reaction to that is normal. But it's important you don't ignore it - do ask your midwife or hv for support. I also had a EMCS and found it traumatic. I had a birth debrief with a consultant at the hospital. Cried through it (and this was two years on) but it was really helpful.
Recovery is tough - use all the help you can and let yourself do nothing. I found it went from awful to fine in a matter of days, and that getting back to normal once I was up and doing gentle exercise happened quickly. Good luck, keep posting and talking. Birth is really important, being disappointed/traumatised doesn't take away from being delighted st having a child - they need to be dealt with separately.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.