Meeting baby for the first time(70 Posts)
I'm 35 weeks with my first and using some holidays before proper maternity kicks in. So just waiting for little one to arrive. Just wanted to know what your experiences were when you met your baby for the first time. Is it true that you 'fall in love' instantly or does it take some time. Is it the same for your partners/husbands to?
I'm quite an emotional person and I'm hoping for the whoosh of emotion, and telling myself not to be too disheartened if it doesn't happen right away.
It may happen it may not. Don't worry if it doesn't happen though. I was just thrilled we were both alive and in one piece. (EMCS for my first and planned cs for my second which I had got myself into a tizzy about).
I felt awe. And wonder and overwhelmed and immediately highly protective and relieved that he was alive and in my arms.
I don't understand when people talk about that moment of love. I felt when I was pregnant I fell in love with him and cherished and adored him and when he was out, it just made sense, here he is with me as he's always been. It was a continuation rather than a beginning for me. It's obviously highly personal and it's incredibly hard to describe!
Proper WHOOSH of emotion and love every time. I have had four children and still cannot begin to describe how I felt the moment I saw each of them. Sometimes not in quite ideal circumstances!
But if it doesn't happen, please don't worry or feel disheartened. It may take time and that is just fine. I worried about it before I had my twins, then worried I wouldn't feel the same way about my subsequent babies! You just never know how it will go or how you will feel until you are there. Hope it all goes wonderfully.
That interesting peppa I've had complicated pregnancies ever time and I think that part of me doesn't want to get attached until the baby is actually here and safe. Then the deluge!
I think I was so tired after labour that I was a bit groggy - I just remember being extremely hungry as I was nil by mouth for the whole thing in case I needed a C-section (DD was quite a large baby). Once I'd eaten, I just took a deep breath of baby head and was head over heels. DH fell immediately in love as soon as he held her (he cut the cord) and burst into tears. Quite a sight - big 6ft plus prop weeping his head off.
I didn't have a sudden wave of love, I was exhausted, a bit confused about what the hell had just happened to my body, and just wanted to go home.
It was about three or four days later when I was sitting at home by myself with her and I thought yes this is just the most wonderful feeling.
When I had DS 1 I just remember thinking he looked like a rabbit! The love just grew over the months, it took a while. I loved him when he was born, of course, but I totally fell in love with him over a period of time. Not the instant rush that everyone in the media goes on about. I thought there was something wrong with me! Now when DS2 was born 4 years later, I had a massive rush of love for him. I couldn't let him out of my sight. When DS3 was born 2 years after that, I had a similar rush of love, but not quite as strong as DS2. But if course, I love them all just the same and have a lovely bond with all 3. So OP, please don't worry, whatever way it goes for you, the love will be there. Best wishes for the birth!
I didn't bond with my baby till she was about 9 months
In the minutes after DD was born, I don't think love was what I immediately felt, I think it was awe and amazement!
I remember looking at DD and being completely amazed that DH and I had made her from nothing! This whole, complete, tiny human had been a weird kicky feeling in my belly a minute ago, now she was a real person!
I'm also an emotional person and was looking forward to it too with my first baby. Unfortunately I ended up having an emcs and the first time I saw her she was all wrapped up in a blanket. It really effected me at the time. 2nd baby I had a planned section and asked to see her naked. For some reason it made all the difference! I felt a rush of love immediately where's with my first it took longer. Whatever though there's no feeling like it (in both my experiences)!
I had two quite complicated labours. One ECS and another ECS 12 weeks early. A 'whoosh' of love isn't anything I felt. But I wouldn't say I had trouble bonding or anything like that. My maternal instincts certainly kicked in straight away. But it was very much going through the motions, doing what had to be done. I loved them both, yes. Adored them in fact. But it was not quite the same as a few months down the line when we were quietly staring in to each other's eyes in the middle of the night.
I couldn't believe it. I mean I literally couldn't believe I had a baby, it was weird. I mean, I knew I was going to have a baby obviously but I was so shocked when he actually arrived.
The whole thing was very overwhelming and I felt lots of things, including love, but I don't think I really felt 'connected' to him til much later. I had pregnancy anxiety and had detached myself quite a lot from the 'baby' while I was pregnant and I think this had an impact. I remember feeling at first like I had a new 'pet' or something, as bad as that sounds, because you meet all their needs but don't get an awful lot back initially.
It was a couple of weeks before I really felt that rush of love and when it came I sat and cried my eyes out! Don't worry if it doesn't happen straight away, sometimes it takes time to get to know each other. He's 6m now and my very best friend but it took a while for us to bond I think.
I had an adrenaline high immediately, but the whoosh of oh-shit-we've-got-each-other-what-are-we-going-to-do-now which is love took a day or two. DH got it straight away.
Due to very serious birth injuries to me I couldn't hold baby for almost 12 hours and was weeks before I felt bonded. I told my mum they should send baby to live with a better mummy!
Now, I absolutely adore him and we are very well bonded. Sometimes it takes a few weeks. Fake it til you make it! I think this happens more often with traumatic births.
My first emotions were pride and awe at what I'd done. I didn't get to hold her for long as I was losing a lot of blood. It was three hours again before I got to hold her and feed her. By this point all I felt was fear of what on earth to do with this tiny little baby, who a few days later was admitted to nicu. I knew I loved her but I was so afraid of doing things wrong and making her more poorly than she was that I didn't want to touch her. It took a good few weeks when we got home to bond with her once I'd got past my fears. My dp bonded with her instantly and I remember being so jealous of him !
My DH and I saw her at the same time and we both cried, I just couldn't believe she was finally here, that we had created her and that she was the absolute image of DH lol
Trying to remember. I had a long induction and was pretty out of it by the end and exhausted.
I think the dominant emotion was relief, coupled with surprise at her yellow hair and pink lips, and then when my DH held her and was sobbing then I was sobbing too.
She felt like a little stranger in my arms - not sure she looked as I imagined but I felt very loving towards her. Like meeting a penpal you've written to for ages but never seen a picture of before!
I remember being relieved that he was out and that all was ok, and then being surprised at how 'right' it felt to have him lying there. Then he weed on me.
I think it was a few weeks before I really looked at him and got a massive rush of love though - I mean, I did love him right away, but in a quieter, gentler sort of way. I was also a bit overwhelmed at having had a baby!
You're right not to build it up too much. So much depends on how the birth goes, how tired/hungry you are and so on. It's nice if it happens, but there's nothing wrong if it doesn't.... In fact, I know mums who said they felt very little for their baby at first, but that the feeling of love gradually happened over several months (or even longer), and they now have an incredibly strong bond with their child. So it doesn't have to be the initial rush.
I remember it being a WTF kind of moment! DH managed to film me by accident & I'm just looking at him, saying 'we've got a baby!'
Took a while for me to completely fall in love with her, she's now 20 weeks & I'm besotted with her.
I didn't have that moment at all. It took a long time for me to feel that overwhelming sense of love -- I can honestly say I loved the cat more than my child for a very long time. I had PND and a child that never slept and cried constantly. This is in by no way criticizing anyone, but all of these things you are supposed to be able to do and naturally feel (falling in love immediately, breast feeding are just two examples) just reinforced in my mind that I was a terrible mother because I couldn't do them and didn't feel that way.
So to the OP, if you don't fall head over feels in love immediately, can't breastfeed (assuming you want to), are so tired that you can barely wash and cup and a plate let alone hoover or wash clothes, then please don't feel bad about it. We all get there at different times.
I didn't get the whoosh thing, I think because I (stupidly) didn't think babies came before their die date so when I had a mega quick labour (30mins in hospital before he was born) and two weeks early I was just shocked and tired and in pain. Had an instant weird protective urge thing though, every time anyone dared touch him, I'd be thinking in my head "ex fucking cuuuuse me get your hands of my baby you have germs" even had mean thoughts about the midwives because they seem to man handle babies, not like its their job or anything..
There was a woosh of something . Accompanied by the popping of my perineum.
I think there was shock; relief; fear (was the baby OK?); a touch of familiarity (Oh, so that's who I've been waiting to meet!); happiness; pride (I did it!) and a powerful urge to do the right thing (while not being sure what the right thing was or how to do stuff; how to hold her? how to keep her warm during skin to skin; how to feed her?).
I'm not sure it all added up to a surge of love, but it was very, very powerful and the love followed soon enough.
Nope no instant wave of love. I was fairly detached from pregnancy as well. She was born by Emcs and I was pretty out of it/disinterested in her when she arrived. She is now 3.5 weeks old and DH and I are slowly bonding with her. Interestingly I do feel uncomfortable when someone else holds her for too long.
Dd was born prematurely, after a long difficult labour, when she was born I was tired and drugged. I remember feeling overwhelmed and shocked when they handed me a baby (I don't know what I was expecting ). She is three now and we are very close.
With ds I had a much nicer birth, unmedicated except for gas and air, and I did immediately feel a whoosh of love!
So in my limited experience it depends on the birth you have and doesn't affect your future relationship.
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