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Scared of giving birth second time round following split with ex-partner

(3 Posts)
clashofclanswidow Mon 01-Feb-16 00:32:17

Recently split with my ex. We have been together 6 years and already have a two year old and I'm currently 24 weeks pregnant.

We have only been split two months and he is with someone else already. This has been a massive emotional upheaval for myself and I'm thinking of seeking councelling.

Anyway, my due date is not until May but I can't stop feeling scared about how I will get through this now, second time around.

I know it's not him giving birth, it's me, bodies are amazing and will just do what they've got to and he plays no real part blah blah.

What I mean is, I'm worried about the emotional side of things and I'm worried the physical pain on top of the emotional pain and I'll just break down half way through.

I had a long back to back labour with my first daughter. From the first contraction to birth it was nearly 60 hours because she was taking ages to turn. But I managed on just paracetamol, TENS and gas and air towards the end.

This time, I am contemplating getting an epidural but I never liked the thought of having one to begin with. I just don't know how I will cope with the pain of labour and a broken heart - that sounds horribly cliche but as I'm going through all the physical pain, it will just feel like a reminder of the emotional pain of him not being there and abandoning me in this situation.

I get that I will be getting my gorgeous baby girl at the end of it and that should be all the pain relief I need but I'm just very scared of what the future holds.

What would anyone suggest? Did anyone have an epidural the second time and find it better or worse? I just want this to be as smooth as possible? =( TIA xx

MaisieDotes Mon 01-Feb-16 12:23:28

Hi OP, I did my first labour on my own and DD was also back to back, so it was a long one although nowhere near as long as yours. It was about 31 hours. I did have an epidural after about 22 hours though!

DD's father and I had split up about four months previously (he left me for someone else and he was consumed by the new relationship). He did come to the hospital and he saw her being born but the long hours on the labour ward were just me and the midwife.

I have to say that the epidural was an absolute lifesaver and I had a lovely time chatting to the midwife once the pain was relieved. She was so sweet that she stayed an extra two hours after her shift ended just so that she could see DD being born as she had been with me so long.

I have since met and married a lovely man and last year I had DS who was also back to back. He didn't turn at all, it was a much shorter labour but I also had an epidural with him and I'm glad I did, as the back pain was intense and I could still feel it across my upper back once the epidural was in place.

I'm 40+5 with no.3 at the moment and have decided to go with the flow this time and if I end up having another epidural so be it.

I think in the situation you are in the most important thing is to be kind to yourself and make the birth as nice an experience as possible. If that ends up including an epidural then go for it. You might find that the baby is in a wonderful position and you don't need it. See how you get on.

flowers to you. You will get through this and everything will be ok x

clashofclanswidow Mon 01-Feb-16 21:10:45

Thank you so much for your reply. I think I will definitely consider it now xx

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