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2nd baby and scared....

(15 Posts)
Teddypom Fri 15-Jan-16 17:38:34

So, due in 7 weeks and really starting to worry now. I know there have probably been millions of other posts identical to this but I could really do with some reassurance!
When I had my daughter, 3.5 yrs ago, I managed 23 hours of labour before losing control and demanding an epidural. I did eventually get one but the midwives did all they could to talk me out of it.
I ended up having my daughter after 32 hours of labour and was left feeling in shock.
I was shocked for 2 reasons - how
long it took (!) and just how much it hurt. This may sound naive but, having attended a course of antenatal classes beforehand, I felt like nothing/nobody had prepared me!
I never told many people this but for around 6 months after the birth I would have flashbacks before going to sleep at night. I would have a flashback of my legs scrambling up the hospital bed and screaming for an epidural!
Sorry if this all sounds a bit dramatic - I'm just being completely honest!
If anyone can offer any advice or words of comfort, please feel free to comment!
I've contemplated ordering myself a hypnobirthing book but, being a very black and white kind of person, I just can't see me buying into it!
Thank you in advance! xxxx

Daysleeper1985 Fri 15-Jan-16 19:01:41

Seriously, get into hypnobirthing. I'm the most scientific/skeptical/atheist person on the planet and its the best thing I've ever done for myself!! I also had a rubbish first birth, I urge you to seriously give it a go. It has nothing to do with trances and hippies, everything to do with relaxation and empowerment smile

Scattymum101 Fri 15-Jan-16 19:41:32

Hypnobirthing is amazing. My first birth was excruciating due to a back to back baby and being refused pain relief for 30 hours as I wasn't 4cm yet then going to 10 within an hour so not getting anything other than gas and air. I swear hypnobirthing kept me sane.

Second baby I opted for a home birth, mws didn't get there til I was pushing so made it to 10cm with just my breathing and tens machine.
Again hypnobirthing helped so much. If it helps, there was no part of my labour with dd2 that was as painful as getting to 4cm with dd1. It was much more manageable and much faster. Xx

LumpySpaceCow Fri 15-Jan-16 19:46:36

I also recommend speaking to supervisor of midwife for debrief and for them to go through a birth plan with you to try to avoid what happened first time round and to make it a more positive experience. I also recommend hypnobirthing.

magpie17 Fri 15-Jan-16 19:54:25

I have only got one baby but I know how you feel. I had the reverse and had a very fast birth but it was so
much more painful than I ever imagined and I honestly thought I was going to die. I lost a lot of blood at home and only got to the hospital at 10cms so it was too late for gas & air.

All that said... I did hypnobirthing and whilst at the time I thought it didn't work, when I look back I was actually in labour for a lot longer than I thought (at home), but because I was so relaxed and calm I almost managed not to notice! I certainly found the CD I had relaxing and it helped me with the lead up to labour if nothing else. It's worth a go anyway.

magpie17 Fri 15-Jan-16 19:55:03

To late for anything other than gas & air is what I meant to say!

Teddypom Sat 16-Jan-16 07:50:33

Thank you everyone. I will take a look into hypnobirthing and will keep an open mind! X

Runningupthathill82 Sat 16-Jan-16 07:59:54

Teddypom, just to say you're not alone. I'm due to give birth any day now and am terrified, after a horrendous labour with DS1.

What started off as hypnobirthing and yoga in the birthing pool ended up with an episiotomy and forceps. I was in a very bad way due to various things that happened, and don't remember him being born, which really upsets me. He was also traumatised by the labour and was ill for a while as a result.

Anyway. My way of coping with it this time is to go in with a completely open mind as to what might happen. My preference is to use the pool and also to be fully conscious at the moment DD is born, so I have some memories this time - but I know this might not be possible.

The only thing I really want is to get out alive, with a healthy baby. Everything else is a bonus. Anyway, I just wanted to say you're not on your own and, hopefully, I'll have a reassuring and positive second birth story to share very soon!

Fugghetaboutit Sat 16-Jan-16 08:01:06

I just had my second last week and had a v similar first birth to you - started in birthing pool but back to back labour was too painful to breathe through so went to labour ward and got an epidural - still hurt like hell pushing him out which took 2.5 hours!!

Anyway this time around was much shorter 6 hours but v intense pain still! I knew this time I was just going to ask for an epidural straight away, I didn't want to go through that pain again. It took about 2 hours to get the epi and half an hour to put in after 8(!) attempts but worth it. Dd came out after a few pushes this time which was a relief.

I would say don't be scared to ask for pain relief right away, there's no medals at the end for having none!

Junosmum Sat 16-Jan-16 10:28:50

Firstly, congratulations on being brave enough to get pregnant again. I had a traumatic (to me) birth and have just booked to see my gp about sterilisation. Husband is devastated, he wanted two kids but I cannot put myself through that again. You are a braver woman than I.

When my DS was delivered the obstetrician did say 'don't let this put you off, the second one won't be like this'. It's hard to believe though. If I were you I'd certainly be looking to debrief about the first birth.

Dixiechick17 Sat 16-Jan-16 13:06:02

I also recommend hypnobirthing. You don't need to br a believer in being hypnotised. You need to just put some trust in the techniques. The calmer you are the better equipped you will be to make decisions about the birth, whether it is to use the techniques in early stages and then get an epidural or look to use the techniques throughout. It's not about taking away the pain, it's more about taking away the feat and putting you in control.

Runningupthathill82 Sat 16-Jan-16 14:53:40

Juno - I know this sounds trite right now, but don't make any rash decisions about sterilisation.
After my nightmare birth with DS it took me a long time to recover, both physically and mentally. I felt like a failure, I felt conned (i had gone for all the hypnobirthing stuff hook, line and sinker) and my body was in bits.
I swore I'd never do it again.

Anyway, by DSs first birthday I was still adamant he'd be an only child. Same when he was two. But when he was around two and a half the memories weren't so raw any more and the decision was made to try for a sibling.

I'm now 39 weeks and scared, but a lot more pragmatic than last time, and with a greater idea of what I can expect. I also know just how bad a 24hr back to back labour can be so, if it's not as bad as last time, then that's a bonus!

Fugghetaboutit Sat 16-Jan-16 15:12:08

Juno - just seen your ds is 2 weeks old. Definitely don't rush into anything permanent yet. X

KatyN Sat 16-Jan-16 19:02:32

Have you discussed an earlier epidural this time?? I had that all over my birth plan and had discussed with the hospital beforehand. At 3cm the Mw offered me an epidural when I was off my face on gas and air so has forgotten about them!! I said yes of course!

Mumberjack Sun 17-Jan-16 13:06:40

I'm not one for the whole hypnobirthing thing but the explanations given about stress and relaxation hormones affecting progress - and how the uterine muscles work in accordance with the hormones - were fascinating (and not a bit woo) and I did keep them in mind when in labour.

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