I had an ELCS with my first baby. I was petrified of giving birth and was put under the tocophobia clinic. My main fears were around loss of control, midwives and doctors not listening to me, or needing an intervention and staff being too busy with other patients and baby or me suffering.
The tocophobia midwife was lovely, really listened to my fears, said I could have an ELCS if I wanted, but no need to decide yet- I could state this at any time including in labour and it would happen (well, unless it was really late into labour!). With her support I was keen on trying for a vaginal birth.
Unfortunately she left before I got to my due date and her replacement didn't really listen to me, she kept interrupting me during my appointments, misunderstanding my worries. I felt panicked that the midwives in labour would do the same, and I shut down and asked for an ELCS.
I really liked my ELCS, it was a great experience and felt very special, I recovered well and breastfeeding was straightforward, my husband was very supportive and thought it was great, I had no regrets immediately afterwards.
However since then I've found it difficult when basically everyone disagrees with having an ELCS- from the HV who winced when I told her at my postnatal check, from midwives and doctors who criticise my decision, to friends who are kind but very "oh poor, you it must have been dreadful, my birth was such a meaningful experience".
I'm pregnant again and I have thought about trying for a VBAC. The pro reasons would be that I am curious to experience contractions and birth, I do worry about having three sections (we'd like three children), with a toddler the recovery from a section will be more of an inconvenience, I wonder if I might enjoy birth and have an easy birth, I've since read some articles saying that section babies have higher risks of lots of problems later e.g. autism. Also through breastfeeding and raising a baby I have more faith in myself and my body (not very logical, but that's the emotional reason).
The negatives would be the fear that something would go wrong in labour, and again the fear of loss of control, that professionals wouldn't listen to me, that I'd end up having a messy EMCS or a nasty tear which would be worse recovery wise than an ELCS. Also having to wear the monitor in labour, possibly be bed bound, not an enjoyable labour at all. My local hospital has a 50% "success" rate for VBAC (although their leaflet says "70-90% of women can achieve VBAC" )
We've since moved house and at my new local hospital you don't see anyone about an ELCS until your third trimester, which leaves me worrying about what would happen if the Consultant says no! I could transfer back to my old hospital instead, it would be a longer journey, but do-able.
I'm finding it so, so hard to figure out what my opinion is. Everyone I speak to is so opinionated. DH thought the ELCS was great and thinks I'm unwise to consider VBAC with the uncertainties, if I VBACd and it was complicated I would know he thought I'd made a bad decision. When I go to appointments the MW is clear that she thinks I'm wrong to choose an ELCS, like it's morally wrong, my friends are also v pro vaginal birth.
I just can't figure out what I think, or what to ask for.
I read the VBAC advice on the RCOG website and I felt terrified reading it, the thought of uterine rupture, of needing a crash c section to stop the baby being seriously harmed.
I have thought about hiring a private midwife for VBAC, so there is someone I trust there and to advocate for me if I'm having problems and my assigned NHS midwife isn't great, would that make any difference?
Sorry a really long ramble. Just feeling really lost and uncertain.
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Childbirth
Struggling to know what I want, ELCS or VBAC- how can you figure out your own wishes?
18 replies
birdssuddenlyappear · 20/12/2015 12:35
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