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Sex is always painful....will I have problems during childbirth?

(8 Posts)
cazzabazz Sun 02-Aug-15 11:34:04

Sorry if this is TMI, but ever since I started having sex, it's always been really painful. I've only ever been with one man (my DH), but I've always felt like I've been too tight / he's too big, even when we've used lubricant. I was seeing a psychosexual therapist to help with this issue - she examined me and there's nothing 'physically' wrong with me (it's all psychological), so she gave me creams, dilators etc to try, but I've had to stop those sessions as I'm now pregnant (26 weeks). As I'm about to start the 3rd trimester, I've started worrying about sex is so painful and I always tense up, I'm terrified about having to have a forceps delivery or having a massive tear. Some people have said that as I'll dilate anyway, it won't necessarily be excruciating, but I find it hard to believe. I know this probably isn't a common issue (most people probably get some enjoyment from sex whereas I've always hated it because of the pain), but by any chance has anyone else experienced it, and how was childbirth? Did an epidural help?

SweetAndFullOfGrace Sun 02-Aug-15 11:40:02

Have you spoken to your midwife about this? It's really important that it's in your notes as your mental state can make a difference to childbirth and if you can see a therapist before the birth to try and liberate you from the fear that would be a good thing.

You can also request an elective c-section - extreme fear of childbirth is an entirely legitimate reason to have one.

PumpingRSI Sun 02-Aug-15 11:48:37

I have this and tho its painful all the time, it can be initially until I've relaxed. I had same concern as you but can happily report no such issue with childbirth. it's beyond your control and your body needs to do what it does. I had minimal tear and all natural quick birth. Things have eased in the sex dept afterwards tho is still tight. hth

cazzabazz Sun 02-Aug-15 11:59:35

That's good to hear, PumpingRSI....I've been diagnosed as having vaginismus, but there's never been a quick fix for it. Sex became slightly more easy for my DH and I when I was using the cream and we found the least painful position, but relaxing enough has always been hard. I was thinking having an epidural might be the best bet as I don't want a c-section unless absolutely necessary, as it's the fear of pain which is the overriding thing. I think if I can give birth vaginally, then it might give me more confidence when it comes to sex in future, as if I can push a baby out, then there'll be no need to fear a penis!!

SweetAndFullOfGrace - I don't think I've mentioned vaginismus to my midwife yet (I'll check my notes) but I will do at my next appointment.

PumpingRSI Sun 02-Aug-15 21:35:39

I honestly wouldn't worry about the pain relief until you are hiving birth and make the decision based on how you're coping. the vaginas tensing bit is the least of your worries as you are overwhelmed with your body doing what it needs to, and you have to trust in that. I certainly wouldn't think about opting for c section as that avoids dealing with anything. how about a course on hypno birthing to help prepare and visualise. I have more of a medical issues that has gone on to cause vaginismus but birth really didn't affect this qnd has somewhat improved it. I felt empowered and physically eased up a little blush

purplesnail Wed 05-Aug-15 23:48:05

Please dont worry and do think of it as something which could be really beneficial to you afterwards. You have no more chance of tearing as anyone else, gas and air might be good choice as I found it helped me relax, I didnt need it during the pushing stage you might find it useful even if you dont need it for pain. I was and still am terrified of forceps incase they did any damage and caused issues with sex so I would have refused to consent to them and had a c section instead. A waterbirth might be worth considering too.

Zeitgei5t Thu 06-Aug-15 21:51:07

I found that its not really comparable as it's something coming out rather than going in. Its more like doing a big poo when you're constipated (sorry tmi).
Also I did tear but I didn't notice, I only knew when I was told I had to be stitched. Try not to worry.

MrsTedCrilly Fri 07-Aug-15 01:18:46

I'm the same as you, had vaginismus and feel sick at the idea of being stretched open.. so I requested a c-section smile It was fine and was just so relieved I didn't have to deal with stretching/tearing/examinations etc as I know that would have probably affected my mental health negatively.

Just as an aside, have you actually used the dilators? I ordered a pack with a book and used them for a week combined with breathing techniques.. I know how to relax myself for sex now so have no problems. It feels great now!

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