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Not allowed a natural birth??

(63 Posts)
ambermoon1989 Fri 10-Jul-15 08:47:38

hi everyone
this is my third baby in four years. I had pre eclampsia for first one, he was delivered at 27 weeks via emergency c section and spent 12 weeks in NiCU.
second one came 14 months later (we tried for years to conceive DS1, resorting to three rounds of fertility treatment...so Ds2 was a shocker)...via c section. this was due to my blood pressure again and my obstrectican insisted it was the best way to go, esp since my scars had not properly healed since the first pregnancy.

this is my third child and a new hospital and a new consultant and a new gift of gestational diabetes (I'm a vegan, always exercised and been healthy but seems my pancreas is not secreting enough insulin)...he says VBAC is out of the question and an attempt at a natural birth will cause uterine rupture. he also said as it is my third and I am on insulin that a third c section is the only way to go.

but this is my last pregnancy and I really want to know what natural birth feels
likes. and there is a school of thought that natural is best and 'u haven't give birth unless it is natural..' etc

not that I believe this but I would like to say I gave it a go ...it's such a shame I will never experience a cramp, a contraction or any of the so called natural experiences of child birth. I didn't fight too much with Ds2- was too exhausted with Ds1, but this is my last child and feels like my last chance

I am 34 weeks now seems too late to change doctors but has anyone else been told they cannot have a natural birth?

are doctors now too scalpel happy or is it that it is too dangerous for me to have a natural birth??

ThatBloodyWoman Fri 10-Jul-15 08:56:09

If I were you I'd do my research.
I was really upset after feeling pressured into a 2nd cs having desperately wanted vbac.
If I'd have known more I would have fought my corner.
But your situation will be unique to you,and it could be in your situation vbac wouldn't be safe,or it could be that it would.
Arm yourself with knowledge.

ThatBloodyWoman Fri 10-Jul-15 09:03:02

Btw,I had no significant health problems,so it could be that there's a real risk of uterine rupture if your baby is on the bigger side owing to the gestational diabetes.
I'd still say research -then at least you will know because you know,not because you've been told iyswim.

Anotherdayanotherdollar Fri 10-Jul-15 09:05:15

I think the majority of consultants would be very wary of a vba2c. Especially with such a small age gap and added complications of raised blood pressure and gestational diabetes requiring insulin. Research as much as you can I suppose. The risks associated with each of the complications add up to much more than the risks of each separately.
You can decline any procedure offered and you will need to give written consent to proceed with a cs.
you could go into labour before reaching a section date so might still experience contractions!
best of luck with all

QuiteLikely5 Fri 10-Jul-15 09:12:27

It's always about safety.

If you are determined to go natural ask if you can sign a disclaimer saying you understand the risks it poses to you and you are prepared to take them without any comeback on the hospital.

If the risk is centred around your baby then they can call in SS if they feel you are putting your child at risk or putting your own needs and desires first.

I understand your longing but you can't put a price in health.

Reginafalangie Fri 10-Jul-15 09:18:05

I am sorry but with all your health problems and previous pregnancy issues I think you will have to put your wants aside.

Does your desire to have a natural birth out way the risks to you or your baby? What does your DH say? How does he feel about you putting his wife, mother of his two children and his unborn child at risk?

In all honesty I cannot believe your asking the question.

DonnaLyman Fri 10-Jul-15 09:21:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ambermoon1989 Fri 10-Jul-15 11:04:24

thanks everyone for your responses

the health of my baby is paramount to be...wouldn't jepodise that for anything. but as it is my last pregnancy, I am feeling sad and thinking this is my last chance.

when I hear about the slack c section gets and how mothers are perceived as taking the easy route, how it's not 'natural'...it makes me angry because I would give anything just to have that experience.

maybe I am getting swept into the whole natural birth propoganda and wanting to say I had a natural birth ....and a part of me wants to know what it feels like so I can experience both. c section mothers are perceived as lazy and 'too posh to push'...and I have no choice but to be one of them - as rightfully it will be a planned c section.

but the health of my baby comes first (DH doesn't understand how much a natural brith means to be but then there was a time when we didn't think we would be parents at all, so how ever our kids came out, we know we are lucky to have them)

StonedGalah Fri 10-Jul-15 11:10:30

Stop worrying about what others say and do what's best for you and your dc.

I had a friend say recently that l should go drug free with the birth of dd2 as it's an amazing feeling rah rah. I gave her this face hmm and said why would l not opt for pain relief? And trust me, she's not a better mother than me because she chose a different birthing way.

But that's another thread grin

Duggee Fri 10-Jul-15 11:10:33

There's no harm in seeking a second opinion. And to the poster who said they will call social services is utter **** the baby is not born yet so the mother makes all the choices for that baby regardless as to whether is would be detrimental or not and there's nothing the hospital can do about it. Are you suggesting social services would force her to have a section?

I would be the same as you OP. Can you ask what the statistics are for uterine rupture and compare them against the risks of a cesarean? It's your choice at the end of the day even if you want to give birth up a tree there's nothing they can do to stop you.

DonnaLyman Fri 10-Jul-15 11:11:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mulligrubs Fri 10-Jul-15 11:19:01

I can totally understand your feelings OP. With my first I had high blood pressure abd he stopped growing. My induction went wrong, had an EMCS to save both our lives. I am having an ELCS in November with baby 2 - I am sad I won't have a natural birth but to be honest my previous experience traumatised me. My consultant is fully supportive of my ELCS, we discussed the risk of VBAC and they would have been happy to try it but I decided on the ELCS.

Your consultant is advising you on the best option for you and your baby and they have to keep in mind your past history as well as your diabetes this time around. They would not recommend an ELCS if it was not medically necessary.

Have you asked about counselling for your feelings? I am also so unbelievably devastated that I won't have a vaginal birth. If anyone is sniffy about my ELCS I just say "yep, I am far too posh to push" and make a joke of it even though that label does hurt. Obviously people who look down on women who have c-sections for any reason do not understand the physical and mental pain that go with them due to the op itself and the fact you're "missing out" on the birth you want.

Ultimately it is down to you though - your consultant has given their professional opinion, but it is your choice.

Mulligrubs Fri 10-Jul-15 11:19:52

God that was waffley sorry OP!

SaulGood Fri 10-Jul-15 11:44:46

I wanted a home water birth with my first and while I experienced all of labour (including an 8hr second stage, all the pushing in the world, every intervention going after a blue light transfer to hospital), I still had an emcs.

In the years between dc1 and dc2, I felt robbed of a natural experience. I wanted to do the thing mother nature designed me for. I wanted that rush of endorphins, the birth story, the knowing that I pushed a baby out of me. That 'I did it!' I tried for a vbac with dc2. It went the same way. I had another emcs after 38hrs.

Am I still sad and hankering after that labour and delivery? Not really. There's still a part of me that is curious. But there's still a part of me that wonders what would have happened if I ran off to France with Tom instead of doing my A levels. Tom, btw is married to a beautiful French lady and they have beautiful half French children and a beautiful house in French France. smile

The one thing I took away from my birthing experiences - in the end - was that I had my babies and I had them from my body. Those experiences were my own. My pelvis, my babies with their peculiarities and idiosyncrasies and those events on those particular days. I didn't have somebody else's babies or a different shaped pelvis and all I could do, all any of us could ever do is do what we can with what we have. I think being a mother taught me that. When my child comes to me, sad because they can't come first in a race on sports day, I see it as my job to teach them that they can only do what they can with the body nature gave them. They can be proud of that body, of the wonderful things it does and their own little set of skills and strengths. I can't teach them how to be somebody else but I can champion and encourage the people they are. You have the same ability and I see it as a good thing that you get to model it for them. Show them that you can take the circumstances handed to you and make them positive. Because positivity in birth doesn't come from the method. It truly doesn't. It comes from feeling supported, loved and empowered. You can have an elective cs with choices. You can have your music, you can have the screens lowered, your partner can watch, you can have skin to skin. You can seize it for no more and no less than what it was; the day you met your baby.

I know enough women who've laboured and delivered to know that on paper and in reality are two different things. A woman who had a textbook delivery on paper can feel frightened and lost and unsupported and horribly traumatised. A woman having an elcs can have a wonderful team around her, she can laugh and smile and feel proud of her body for growing this baby and for the team next to her who helps it into the world and into her waiting arms.

I refuse to look back at the day I gave birth (I did give birth btw) and feel that it was a poor cousin to the vaginal delivery I could have had. When I tell my dc about the day I met them and held their fragile little bodies, I tell them with pride and joy because it was a perfect meeting of nature and science and it allowed me to have them.

I remain curious. I probably always will but I don't regret it. I embrace it.

If your body and your baby aren't destined for normal delivery then you can feel sad for it. You can let that door close. It doesn't mean you can't be positive about the door that's open. Eventually, that positivity overshadows the one time, small wish for the other route. In fact, you laugh and realise that had you pursued the one thing, you might not have the marvellous outcome afforded by the other path you too. Basically, Tom was probably crap in bed and left his pants next to the washing basket instead of in it. It's better this way. smile

RolyPolierThanThou Fri 10-Jul-15 11:45:00

I have had two vb and no c sections. I would really really really like to assure you that you are not missing out on birth by having another cesarean. Really, truly, the amazing, awe inspiring, gobsmacking thing about having a baby you have already experienced:

The kicks, the pg symptoms, the stroking your belly knowing there is a person in there, the nerves as you near the day you meet your baby, the holding that vulnerable little creature that YOU MADE. The meconium nappy, the sleeplessness, the caring about someone so small while actually still recovering from a major obstetric event.

I see no fundamental difference between a mother who had a vb and I've one who had a cs. The method is not such a big decider.

Maybe you have over idealised a vb. My first was horrendous. Car crash bad and left me with injuries that can't be fixed. If you opted for a vb with your risk profile you would not have the low intervention, 'natural' experience you've built up in your mind. Ob and mw looking after you would be scared witless you could develop a uterine rupture. They'll be antsy for your well-being and baby's.

In your position I would put the fantasy notion of a fully natural vb aside (not all vb go so well. Like I said, mine was awful) and do what is best. In your case I think a cs is the best birth method. The one you are least likely to regret.

SaulGood Fri 10-Jul-15 11:49:15

*took

And ignore the fuckers who make ignorant comments.

People find it easy to be disparaging about what they don't understand. Pity them and get on with living your life with your wonderful babies.

Good luck for the delivery whatever happens and congratulations. You'll be just grand.

Booboostoo Fri 10-Jul-15 12:05:50

No one can force a CS on you, nor is it a question of being allowed a VB. the method of your birth is your choice. Having said that you need to inform yourself about the risks you are taking in choosing a VB with your medical history. Wanting to experience a VB does not seem a strong enough reason to me, especially if medical complications mean you may end up with interventions, an EMCS or serious risks for you and the baby.

sanfairyanne Fri 10-Jul-15 12:15:15

it is not 'not allowed' and consultants should stop saying that!
they can advise and it is your decision
they can refuse to do things eg they could refuse to let you in a pool but they cant make you do anything eg have a c section

so, it is your informed choice, based on the risks/benefits outlined by your healthcare team. you could speak to the head of midwifery for a second opinion/alternatives.

superram Fri 10-Jul-15 12:21:28

Having had both natural births are overrated and if I ever have another I won't I would have a csection. Good luck whatever you decide.

pimsandlemonade Fri 10-Jul-15 12:40:04

First I will admit that I really don't understand you feeling this way.
I have had 1 EMCS after 30hr labour and 1 planned CS just 3 weeks ago and if i will have another baby it will also be a CS.
I don't feel in any way inferior for not having had a natural birth, and couldn't care less about what people have to say on that subject.
My experience with doctors is that they are mire in favour of vbac as long as it's safe, so in your case it's probably for the safety of you and your baby that they have ruled it out.
Please listen to the doctors, for the most part they do know what they are talking about, don't risk yours and your baby's safety

RedToothBrush Fri 10-Jul-15 12:45:30

c section mothers are perceived as lazy and 'too posh to push'...and I have no choice but to be one of them - as rightfully it will be a planned c section.

Who by? And why does it bother you so much that someone thinks its more important that you give birth the 'correct way' than the 'safest' or 'most appropriate' way.

If you are basing the way you feel too heavily on how you feel judged by others you really need to think about just how ignorant and potentially dangerous these individuals are.

Their view should really be disregarded. Its not about entering an elite club of childbirth. Its about joining the club of parenting which involves merely doing the best for yourself and your family.

If you base all your decisions in life on what other people will think of you ahead of the best interests of your own family, you'll suffer as a result.

Be kind to yourself. You do not NEED to have a VB. That's not to say, you shouldn't have one if you think on balance the risks of a vb are preferable to a CS - but you need to think about it like this rather than as a lifestyle choice.

Equally not one can tell you, you are not allowed to give birth naturally. They have to have your consent to perform surgery. They can not force you into anything. They can only advise you of what they think is the best course of action based on your health and medical history.

We all miss out on certain opportunities in life. It doesn't mean our lives are necessary less rich for having not done particular things on the 'bucket list'.

The way you give birth does not define you or your life experience. Anyone who does define you by that one thing alone, really isn't worth knowing or sparing thought to.

pollyisnotputtingthekettleon Fri 10-Jul-15 12:51:18

I was told to have a cs as the scar may rupture ... but like you i wanted to do it properly. I said no, saw two doctors, signed the paperwork agreeing to an emergency cs (if nessesary) but did give birth naturally no problems.

HappyIdiot Fri 10-Jul-15 12:51:37

excellent post saul

Tolivebythesea Fri 10-Jul-15 12:57:22

It sounds like medically it is safer to have the c section.

I was in a similar position with 4th baby. 1st child long labour, posterior, then forceps. 2nd child induced, several failed attempts with epidural, still over 12 hours of extreme pain, then emergency c section. He was 10'5! 3rd another 24 hr labour, posterior, then brow presentation, so another emergency c section. With 4th I was initially disappointed when told I should have an elective c section In case I ruptured. It was fantastic, recovery was so much easier as I was well rested not having to go through the long arduous labour, another 10lb plus baby!

The most important thing is that you and the baby are safe and perfectly well after the birth, and in my experience natural birth is not so great after all.

Heels99 Fri 10-Jul-15 12:57:54

I had a c section, don't care a jot if some people deem this to be an inferior birth in some way. But given that the op does feel it's a lesser experience in her particular case, I do wonder at people like polly saying 'like you i wanted to do it properly'. How is a section not a 'proper' birth!?
Who gives a shit how they come out as long as they are healthy! Couldn't care how mine came out, perhaps because after years of infertility treatment I was so delighted to be having a baby, or multiple babies in my case, that how they entered the world didn't bother me at all. In face I chose a c section.i didn't have a natural conception why would I be bothered about a 'natural' birth? What's so good about 'natural' I fail to see it.
Op think yourself very lucky that you are able to have three children there are many would give everything they have to be in your position.

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