I'm requesting an elective cesarean due to a combination of reasons, mainly severe anxiety. I have PTSD and GAD with panic disorder thrown in, the traumatising event that happened was several medical procedures when I was a child. I had very little control over what happened to me, was prodded and poked, and have very vivid flashbacks to being held down, stuck with drips and screaming. I feel that an ELC would be better for me because it's planned, it's calm, although I have to have a procedure I know what's going on vs the unpredictable nature of a VB where they could tell me I need an EMC or forceps and I'd have no time to mentally prepare and the loss of control would come back. I'm also scared I wouldn't be able to cope with it.
On top of that, my mum had a horrible experience with me. Very slow labour, she had a 3rd degree tear and a retained placenta that no one noticed, hemorrhaged several days later and had to be rushed back into hospital, emergency D&C that tore through her stitches and made her tear worse, developed PND had to have a hysterectomy a few years later due to the damage caused.
I have had panic attacks where I think I'm going to die in labour or my son will, I sometimes can't eat or sleep because of it and I struggle to enjoy my pregnancy.
I mentioned to my doctor at 20 weeks I would like an ELC and she said "that's an option" and I have an appointment to discuss it. I've also been advised by my psychologist that she thinks I'd cope better with the ELC than natural birth.
However I am still terrified. I feel better about having the ELC rather than a natural birth, but the spinal is frightening. I still have to have blood tests with emla cream, a butterfly needle, and it can take an hour to get it because I usually have an anxiety attack when I walk in the room. I'm tempted to ask for a general anaesthetic but I'm scared that I won't "know" he's my baby and it will affect bonding :(
So my questions are
- Spinal anaesthesia - what does it feel like? I know the local anaesthetic goes in first, can I have emla cream on my back so I don't feel it? Can I take a sedative? Can I have gas and air? ANYTHING? I really want to be awake for his birth but I am literally terrified of this
- Anyone out there with similar experiences, did you have a cesarean and how was it?
Thanks for reading