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C section: looked down on for not giving birth vaginally?

(129 Posts)
Mamamoma Thu 04-Jun-15 16:59:02

This blog has been trending on Facebook and was in the daily mail this week. What do people think? Anyone have experience of this?

PterodactylTeaParty Thu 04-Jun-15 17:07:59

I had an EMCS, and I hang around a lot of hippyish parenting communities where people are very pro natural birth, and... I've never once felt judged or tutted at or made to feel inferior. Who on earth is she spending time with that she feels "continually judged and looked down upon"?

itcanonlygetbetter Thu 04-Jun-15 17:17:26

Hmm. I've had one VB, one ELCS and one EMCS. I've always felt I had to justify the sections. However had it not been for them, my daughters (esp the second one) may not be here now being rather too loud. And for that reason people can judge away.

RolyPolierThanThou Thu 04-Jun-15 17:27:28

Ive had two vb and I dont look down on anyone who's had a cs. Why would I?

Most of the time the choice on how a baby is born is taken from us by circumstances.

In hindsight dc1 should have been a cs. It would have been a lot better on me and safer.

DomesticBlisster Thu 04-Jun-15 18:37:50

Why is it anyone else's business?

Pantone363 Thu 04-Jun-15 18:39:58

I've never known anyone to give a flying fuck how anyone else gave birth.

I think sometimes one persons pride/happiness at their own birth story can be seen as looking down on others.

CommanderShepard Thu 04-Jun-15 18:42:42

MN can be horribly judgemental on c sections and yes, I've had it in real life too. The head-tilty, faux concern "oh what a shame" is every bit as bad.

Lottiedoubtie Thu 04-Jun-15 18:45:14

Why is it anyone else's business?


And I'd like to add - who in their right mind cares how other people have their babies? if it's safe and mother and baby are both well.

My baby is 9 mo and I don't feel judged by anyone about my CS- now. I did a bit in hospital - and was asked the reason for it by every HCP who came past me or DS- I think because it said 'maternal request' on my notes. I overheard an eyerolly conversation using that phrase and about me between two HCPs which was embarrassing.

It's a ridiculous term- I had a CS because of a combination of physical and MH issues. My midwife (MH team), the senior MW and the MW who takes the 'birth options clinic' all agreed after reading my notes that a Csection was medically needed. 1 consultant disagreed and shouted at me (refusing to discuss the options clearly with me). The consultant eventually signed it off (and it was immediately agreed by another consultant as is protocol) provided that it went down with 'maternal request' as the reason. Bizarre.

Fortunately in my real world, nobody I know cares grin

Methe Thu 04-Jun-15 18:47:37

I've had both and never I met anyone who's given a shiny shit.

dementedma Thu 04-Jun-15 18:48:28

3 cs here and proud. Why wouldn't I be?

expatinscotland Thu 04-Jun-15 18:50:45

After I had DD2, I went to baby massage class with her. It was very hippy dippy. There was this one lady who had had an EMCS and was formula feeding her baby, she had suffered a massive PPH and been in HDU for days, then took infection and was in hospital in and out for weeks. The baby was in NICU for a while after the traumatic birth. The sneery way she was treated, as we all told our birth stories, she was in tears after we left.

It really put me off that group and I never went back. But she and I are still friends. smile

Anyone who is that judgy and sneery about mode of birth is a twat. Fuck 'em.

SaulGood Thu 04-Jun-15 18:54:41

Some people are sneery and rude. My own brother described my emcs as 'the easy route' (31hrs of labour, 8hrs of pushing, attempted ventouse, episiotomy, attempted manual rotation, surgery, baby with damaged muscle and trauma to the thead, pnd, ptsd etc, fucking easy fucking route).

This isn't anything to do with cs being looked down on per se. It's just twats being twats.

I love my brother really btw. He just didn't get it. He might have done after my head swivelled and I ranted for 17 full minutes.

Most people are good and sensible. There's a small minority who have weird and wonderful opinions on all sorts of stuff.

jorahmormont Thu 04-Jun-15 18:55:22

I'd never look down on anyone who had a CS. The way other people give birth just doesn't bother me.

I'm proud of giving birth vaginally and I think sometimes people misconstrue that pride as sneering at people who had a CS, but I think people should be proud of themselves however they give birth, they've still brought a little person into the world and that's pretty awesome whether they came out the door or the sunroof!

Floggingmolly Thu 04-Jun-15 18:58:08

Looked down on?? Stop telling people the gory details and they'll have nothing to have an opinion on...

UnspecialSnowflake Thu 04-Jun-15 19:00:50

Neither my DD or I would be alive if it wasn't for my EMCS, don't really see how anyone could look down on that.

I give precisely no shiny shites how a persons baby came into the world, but I have found that when people tell me they had sections it's often said almost apologetically.

BikeRunSki Thu 04-Jun-15 19:08:47

I have had an emcs and a crash section under GA (was trying for VBAC) - very scary to see your baby's heart monitor flatline. I also intended to BF but was advised to FF when DS lost 25% of his birthweight in a week. To meet me you'd think I was a hippy dippy, Guardian reading lentil knitting type. I mostly am, but my children's health was always my priority.

There is an episode of Call the Midwife, where a lady has had several pregnancies to term, but all her babies have died in delivery because she has misshapen hips due to childhood polio. Under the "new" NHS she get a c section , which she could never have afforded. The Vanessa Redgrave voiceover at the end says something like "Mrs X was delivered of a healthy baby boy by c section. A miracle for her, after so much sadness." This is very poignant to me, as it is highly unlikely that DD or I would have survived childbirth without the C section. DS is doubtful.

I have had one experience of being told I was too posh to push. I wasn't too posh to tell them what's what.

TheUnwillingNarcheska Thu 04-Jun-15 19:11:55

I only had it from one person who hadn't had children herself at that stage. She asked me if I felt I had "missed out?"

On what? Labour? Pushing? I did all those things, but my baby decided otherwise with a spectacular display of a crashing heart rate. I had EMCS first time, elective second time.

I don't judge anyone on their birth, my own sister nearly died in childbirth (massive bleed)

All I hope for anyone is that they get the birth they want. I don't care if that is squatting in a field or an elective c section or hyno birthing.

ApocalypseNowt Thu 04-Jun-15 19:15:43

I got asked once if i felt 'cheated' because i've had 2 c-sections.

I agree with the pp who said it's just twats being twats.

CanISayOfHerFace Thu 04-Jun-15 19:25:47

I've had a "you must be really disappointed you didn't get to experience childbirth properly". confused

After hours and hours of seeing my baby's heart rate plummet every time the syntocinon was cranked up and finally disappearing completely, I could not have been happier to have him whipped out by the quickest means possible, pink and screaming smile

SilverBirch2015 Thu 04-Jun-15 19:31:58

I had pretty difficult pregnancy (extreme morning sickness whole of way through), induction after being 3 weeks overdue, breech baby, trial of labour followed by EMCS. Managed to breast feed 6 weeks, but difficulty with inverted nipples and very large hungry baby eventually progressed to formula.

The whole experience left me feeling pretty useless at the whole motherhood experience and isolated from friends who had a more "normal" experience. And I had a pretty serious period of depression some months later as an indirect result.

Looking back 20 odd years later, I do feel that the natural is best (which is of course correct) lobby can leave women feeling a terrible failure and sense of responsibilty if circumstances mean that is not possible for them. In a small way I still don't feel a "proper" woman because at each part of the process my body let me down in some way.

As women we need to address this perception in attitudes, as do medical professionals responding to women going through difficulty and challenging births.

Micah Thu 04-Jun-15 19:35:20

When I said I was leaning toward the decision to have an elcs with dc2, after nearly losing dd1 in very traumatic circs, someone said to me "oh no, you've got to do it properly this time". Said person had one of those just got to the hospital and out it popped deliveries.

I'm also astounded at the amount of people, even my own family, who don't know why I had an emcs in the first place. They seem to think you get an emcs if you've been in labour for too long (one person even said "after 5 hours I'd only got to 6cm, and thought I would be like you and need a section for failure to progress").

Er no, I never got to established labour. Had a routine check and all hell broke loose.

MelanieWiggles Thu 04-Jun-15 19:38:13

I've had one EMCS and two VBACs. I have one 'friend' who never loses an opportunity to put me down (normally I don't give a shiny shit as it's clear her issues are a deep-seated jealousy of me going all the way back to our school days) - after my EMCS she said 'it was failure to progress, wasn't it' (because - in her eyes - failure to progress would have been 'my' fault). It actually was fetal distress, completely terrifying and we nearly lost DS. So that comment really smarted.

Interestingly, while no one other than her (and one arsehole from work who asked me if I was too posh to push) has ever commented negatively on the EMCS, I get a lot of 'aren't you great' / admiring comments about the VBACs, which piss me off almost as much. Yes I'm glad I had a VBAC, mainly due to the shorter recovery time - but the experience wasn't the holy bloody grail.

Maki79 Thu 04-Jun-15 19:39:55

I'm prepared for being slated now but I did feel a little 'cheated' I suppose after both my 2nd birth (back to back vaginal) and my third which was a emcs.

This is because my first labour ( a textbook 14 hour job) ended with a complete rush of ecstasy, utter utter joy that took over every ounce of me. I didn't have that with the next two.

When a friend who paid for a elcs started joking about how baggy my bits must be, I did tell her of that incredible feeling that she did not receive. She couldn't care less, she has different priorities and a different outlook on life to me.

Myself, I've never encountered judgments over my cs. I find generally people enjoy hearing a good old birth story and love chipping in with their experiences.

Laquila Thu 04-Jun-15 19:45:02

I had an EMCS and have never met anyone who seems to be bothered by it. Anyone telling em I'd talent he easy way out would get extremely short shrift now, but might have got a bewildered teary mess in the first few post-parting months.

I've seen that article floating around this week and felt very sorry for anyone who's been made to feel shit about it - theoretically, to paraphrase someone famous (poss Eleanor Roosevelt?), no-one can make you feel shit without your permission, but see above ref bewildered teary post-partum stage.

Laquila Thu 04-Jun-15 19:45:53

*telling me I'd taken the easy way

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